


Take On Me

by Soldado_Invernal



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky doesn't understand what happened to him, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Nipple Licking, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve, Top Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 13:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 70,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2813228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soldado_Invernal/pseuds/Soldado_Invernal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even if I come back, if I try my best... Would it all be the same?<br/>I'd do anything to have those days back -- although I'm not sure if they existed...<br/>There's only one thing clear: Steve. </p><p>" 'cause I'm with you till the end of the line" </p><p>But would it be the same?</p><p>Well, it worths a shot.</p><p>[I'M VERY SORRY, BUT THIS FIC IS ON HOLD TILL GOD KNOWS WHEN, 'CAUSE I'M BUSY AT THE MOMENT AND I'M SORRY, VERY SORRY. I HAVE NO PREDICTION FOR WHEN I'LL POST AGAIN.<br/>I APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE KUDO, BOOKMARK, VIEW AND COMMENT, AND I'M VERY THANKFUL FOR ALL OF IT :)]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pictures of You

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is a first time for me, so be gentle, please? This my first fic in English (all the English I know I've learned from Friends, I'm so sorry), my first fic in years (I was at a dark, cold place called hiatus), my first time here at AO3 and believe me, I'm very nervous about posting this. But I've been writing "Take On Me" since April (!) and, as I said on the summary, "it worths a shot". Hope you like it :)
> 
> *Yes, I know CA:TWS happens in Washington DC. But I really needed them on New York, for Avengers/Shield reasons, so I made Steve, Sam and Sharon move to the City that Never Sleeps. And there was also an exhibition to Cap ‘cause he saved the city (nothing to do with the fact that I really wanted them to meet up in front of their photo). So, please, I’ll explain later why Steve moved to NY.
> 
> EDIT: The Graphic Depictions Of Violence tag applies only to chapter 9!

The world seemed to be totally different and crazy. It had nothing to do with the one I knew. People were dressing and talking different, everything was way too bright...  I had a fucking year to get used to that, but _hell_ no. No matter where I went, everything around me was completely _changed_.

The only thing that remained the same was... Steve.

Everytime I remembered that name, that face, I could feel a heat wave rising through my body, something like jitters. It wasn’t a good feeling, but wasn’t bad, though. It happened every time, but I wasn’t getting used to that, and maybe, I’d never get.

 Somehow, Steve Rogers was all the things I had to remember. And it just made thinking about him harder.

            New York was completely changed, but it was the closest home I had, or used to have. There was a sort of a museum or something like that, where I could get in and stay as long as I wanted and nobody ever noticed me. It was a place dedicated to _my_ time, to war stuff I feel I could relate to, things I supposed to know. It was also dedicated to _Captain America_.

            Captain America... My mission was to kill him off, as I had done to several others before, easy. But what have I done? I fell in love with him? Was I _in love_? With Steve? How the fuck was that possible?

            I had kicked his ass, it was a fact. Shot him a few times and threw him to death. How could I convince him of my love after all of that? I couldn’t even convince _myself_ , and I’ve spent a whole fucking year trying to understand what was going on with my head (left alone my heart). My mind was still confused but would that be an excuse for all the things I had done?

            I had remembered of trying to protect him, a little _different_ kind of him in my memories, but I had no doubts they were the same. My whole life or great part of it I’ve spent kicking the butts of jerks who had bullied Steve. And now I was searching for excuses for trying to kill him... And I wanted more than everything in the world, _meet_ him...

            There was, at the exhibition ‘bout Captain America and the WWII, a part about me, or the guy I used to be. Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes. Was I still that guy? Surely didn’t look nothing like him, ‘cause no one recognized me.

A lot of people passed by me all day long, every day I spent there; some with hurry, others were noisy but none of them seem to have any importance. Till that day, when someone stopped by my side, in front of my picture; I’ve heard a sorrowful sigh and an uncontrollable impulse of looking betrayed me. There, just by my side, was the face of the pictures, the posters, of everything. The face I couldn’t take off my head. _Captain America_.

            Maybe I stared at him too long. Or at least it felt like a very long time. Of course he noticed that there was a creepy guy looking at him. Steve turned his face around and when I saw those baby blue eyes that I haven’t (really) seen for the last 70 years, I’ve wished time stopped right there. But it didn’t…

            - You – he muttered.

            I swallowed and, before any of us could do any abrupt move, ran away. Even though I wanted to talk to him, tell him I was sorry, hug him and make everything go back to what it used to be... Despite all of that, I ran. Got into the crowd of fans, disguising myself and went to the exit. But not before hearing he saying:

            - Bucky! Buck! Meet me here, tomorrow, ok? Same place, same time. I’ll be here waiting for you. Please, come.

            I didn’t turn around to look at him, just ran. After so many years as... The _monster_ I was, his words sounded more like an invitation to a fight than to reconciliation. But, at the same time, something inside me was yelling that I knew Steve better than that; he wasn’t a bad guy.

            But so far, I wasn’t too. And, thinking about it, none of us should be even alive... Those thoughts were frightening ‘cause they were a screaming proof that nothing could go back to what used to be...

            The night came down to the city way too fast but I wasn’t going to sleep anyways, I’ve stopped trying long a go ‘cause it was almost impossible, for two reasons in particular: 1) With my memories coming back, my sleep was always haunted by terrible nightmares which referred to my obscure past. 2) Steve Rogers.

            I couldn’t stop thinking about him and his invitation. I really shouldn’t go and I knew it. But I wanted, even if was only to get my face punched. I wouldn’t care; after all, it was exactly what I deserved.

            I was temporarily living on a corner street near the museum, not much of a place, but I wasn’t looking for comfort, just a place to lean on and stay quiet and out of trouble. Had spent the first days telling myself to go to the poorhouse where I used to go to eat (thanks to a well intentioned homeless woman, who took me there, thinking I was her long lost son). But that idea was left aside when I realized that it didn’t really matter where I’d stay, the fear would follow me.

Not sure of how long I stood in there, tormenting myself about it. It felt like hours, days... I wasn’t sure of what time was it. But I watched the sun rising again, bringing another hazy and grey day, as all of them used to be. I decided to go to the museum again, even if my survival instincts were yelling for me to don’t. I needed to see his face once more.

            The day dragged slowly, almost like it was giving me another chance to have second thoughts ‘bout going marching to oncoming death. I couldn’t stand it and I went straight back to the museum, before stupidity stopped me. Got there two hours earlier, trying to not admit to myself that it was ridiculously early for someone who was expecting just to get punched.

            As far as I understood, the great come back of Captain America had happened during a disaster at Manhattan, something involving aliens that haven’t made any sense to me. But apparently it revived the living-legend he was, ‘cause the exhibition was always crowded. My feet ably averted of the little children dressed as Captain, guiding me almost accidentally to the rendezvous spot: in front of our picture.

            I stopped right there, looking at us on our golden era. We seemed to be two happy pals at that footage. Back to those days, I didn’t even think about the feelings I had for Steve. They were wrong, they were _immoral,_ and I couldn’t admit them, even if I wanted to. I just wished I could be always by his side and kick the ass of any asshole that wanted to mess with him. Even when he came to the war, all big and 6’2’’ tall, and who needed to be saved was _me_ , I never thought on stop defending him. I was terribly afraid that I’d become unnecessary and eventually, to be pushed away, because if he didn’t need protection anymore, what else I could do? Steve could be huge and inhumanly strong but, for me, he was still that little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight.

            While I was thinking about the shattered pieces of our story I still had in my memories, a hand touched my right shoulder, hesitant. Oh, yeah... It was the end.

            - Buck! – Steve turned me around and gave me a strong hug. It totally caught me on surprise but I didn’t think of pushing him away; just took a long breath and let him there. It felt like the right thing to do. – I thought you wouldn’t come.

            - I almost didn’t... – I muttered uncertain if that should have been said. Probably not. Steve let go of my neck to look me but he was still really close and for a moment, all I could see were his pretty pink lips. Shit.

            - What made you come? – was his only question. He was still holding my shoulder; maybe because he was feeling the same need of touching me to make sure it was all real, just like I was.  

            - I realized how much I wanted to see you... – I answered, almost without words, avoiding his bright eyes. – And it was worthier than anything else...

            After hearing my embarrassing confession, Steve seemed to forgive my first stupid sentence. He stayed there, just staring me and it felt like he was seeing everything I’d like to tell. People around us didn’t seem to recognize him either; or they would think it was weird to see Captain America holding another man like that for such long time.

            - Come with me, please. – he asked, pulling my hand to the sideways, walking way to the exit. – It’s too crowded in here and I… I want to talk to you, if you don’t mind...

I was still afraid that that hug would be our farewell but I followed him, to anywhere he was leading us, anyway. If I had to die, at least it would be by the hand of Steve. Of course, I knew in my mind that he wasn’t planning to kill me at all, but I was still hoping for it.

            We walked down the street holding hands, what would be unacceptable and inappropriate back at our time but nobody seemed to give a damn. My silly heart was pounding against my chest.

            - Do you mind if we go to my apartment? – Steve asked when we had already walked a good way. – It’s the safest place I know, right now. We won’t be bothered there.

            I nodded, agreeing with his words, and he pulled me up the stairs of a small building, which was way too simple to be “the safest place”, but I didn’t say that. We haven’t met anyone on our way but I could feel that something, _someone_ , was watching us.

            - Is there anyone else here? – I asked, assuming a defensive position, waiting on a surprise attack instinctively.

            - Yeah, but they are not enemies. They are only my neighbors. – Steve answered, opening the door and letting me in first. – Please, come in.

            I obeyed quietly. The apartment was not a bit extravagant as would befitted the celebrity he was. It was barely lighted, which made it seem comfy. Anyone who didn’t know him could think there was no specific reason to that home to be like it was; but I knew that there was something else.

            - It seems... Like your house at Brooklyn. – I commented, a shot in the dark, given to my failed memory. Just as me, Steve was a 40s guy and he was also missing feeling home.

            - Do you think? It ended up looking like that, eventually. – he answered, staring at the floor, shyly. – Please, make yourself comfortable. Do you want something? Eat, drink... Anything...?

            - Ah... I’d like to have anything, it seems really good.

            Steve smiled at my stupid little joke and I had forgotten how beautiful his eyes were when he was smiling. Ok, I haven't thought it.

            - I must have... Chicken somewhere. I mean, in the fridge. – he got up quickly. – I’ll go, eh... Don’t go anywhere, ok? I’ll come back soon. Don’t you go anywhere.

            He put me sat on an armchair in the corner of the living room, probably on purpose, in order to be seen out the window of the kitchen. I couldn’t help to think it was really sweet of him.

I looked around, trying to pull some sort of trigger inside my head. There were some pictures over the center table, in one of them I could see our faces, smiling just as they were at the museum; but it was all. Although it remembered much of Steve's old home, this one was full of electronics, all unknown. Apparently he was adjusting better than me.

            Steve came back a little after, with two full plates that smelled really good. I didn’t recall him cooking but anything would be better than the food at the poorhouse.

            - Do you mind if I... Ask you some questions? – he said when I started to eat. Yeah, he cooked really well!

            I agreed with a nod for him to start.

            - Do you need any medical assistance or something like that?

            That question sounded strange at first but then I noticed he was looking worried to my left arm. Sometimes I even forgot I had that shit attached to me, I didn’t use it anymore, nor even when some burglars tried to give me a hard time (and I was forced to defend myself).

            - No. It doesn’t hurt anymore, actually. – I gave the arm a quick look and then looked back to him. – And I don’t feel pain anywhere else either. At least for now.

            - Right. – that Steve being all serious to me was making me want to laugh. In my mind, we never get serious to each other, with few exceptions. He seemed more like a doctor that way and it was making me feel a little uncomfortable. – May I ask... Where have you been all this time?

            - After I left, you mean? – he nodded. – I stayed in DC for a while and then I came to NY. To be here gave me the guarantee that I’d have someone to run to if HYDRA find me... 

            I noticed that he smiled to my answer.

            - Did you remember it all?

            - No. Actually…The only thing I’ve remembered is you. All the memories that came back... Well, they are about you.

            Steve’s eyes became brighter and I turned my face away, facing the wall.  Despite finding embarrassing to admit that my only memories led me to him, would be even worse to hear it.

            It took him a while to resume the conversation; stayed smiling with the corner of his mouth, like a fool. Yeah, he was even prettier looking that way.  

            - Ah, sorry.... – Steve shook his head. – Do you have any idea of what they did to you? HYDRA?

            I sighed. That wasn’t a good conversation to have during dinner, but I kept that thought to myself. Steve was doing his best to make me feel good and the last thing I’d do was to make him feel bad about it.

            - That’s a long story full of... Holes.

            - No problems, we’ve got plenty time... If you want to tell me, of course. – he said, taking our plates away and sitting in front of me again, with that Golden Retriever face that I wished with all my heart that nobody else had seen.

            - Well... I don’t remember when I got rescued. After I fell that... Train? I remember waking up at a laboratory... I do have some flashes of when they cut off the... – I indicated the metal arm with my head. – Then there’s a huge blank space, I don’t know what happened. But I remember getting a heavy training, which apparently worked.

            - Yeah, it did. – Steve commented and I had my confirmation that he had been noticing the effects of my training.

            - Anyway, after that, I only have flashes, as I said... Snow, some missions... But nothing is clear... I have no clue of what they did to me while I wasn’t… _working_. Sorry.

            - That’s okay. – he muttered and then remained quiet for a while, just staring at me. His baby blue eyes were looking even brighter or it was my impression? I couldn’t take my eyes off him either... - Ah, sorry, I must be bothering you.... Or scaring you. I’m sorry... Buck.

            I’ve tried to answer something like “You don’t scare me, Steve. Don’t be stupid ” or “C’mon, we can stay staring each other for the rest of our lives”. But I wasn’t able to say a thing.

            - Do you wanna sleep?

            – I guess so. I haven’t been able to have a proper night of sleeping for a long time…

            - Well then, be my guest.

            Almost fearful, Steve put his arm around my shoulder, as we used to do, I suppose; I didn’t push him away. He guided me through the house to a place I recognized as his room. There was a huge bed and, for a stupid moment, I thought he’d stay there with me.

            - I’ve got some extra blankets in the wardrobe, if you feel cold at night. I’ll be at the living room, ok? If you need me, just call.

            I nodded and he left me alone in the room, after fluff the pillow and put new sheets on the bed. It was strange, that entire atmosphere. So long I didn’t lie down on bed, with a fluffy pillow and extra blankets in the wardrobe. Before, there was the War and then, I was the _Winter Soldier_ ; what were the chances of getting some sleep?

            Steve had left over the bed some of his sleeping clothes which he thought would fit me. I took off the shitty clothes I was wearing god-knows-since-when and changed for those soft and warm he gave me, and lay over the blanket.

            Not sure if it was my impression or all that room smelled as Steve. And he had a good smell, I had to admit.

            Ok, I _really_ needed to stop with that.

 


	2. Star Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's better to reunite people than a WTF? movie?
> 
> * If you haven't watched Star Wars and don't want spoiler of Episode IV, I'm sorry... It's in the very end (22th paragraph).  
> **Hey, I just want to say that I really love "Star Wars" and all Bucky thinks is this chapter is just him. Ok?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, second chapter! Can't believe I did it!  
> And you guys, how are you? How was your Christmas?  
> Hope everyone is well :)
> 
> *this chapter is too small, I know! I'm sorry!

I rolled on bed over and over, trying to forget that I was lying on _Steve_ ’s bed. I tried to sleep – really tried this time - but every time I closed my eyes, my brain persisted on reminding that I was at _Steve’s_ house, in _Steve’s_ room, on _Steve’s_ bed… And Steve’s bed should have a better purpose than _sleeping_ … At least it used to have in my imagination. Damn! I was doing it again!

Took a deep breath and sat down, as an attempt to stop doing that, and then, I started arguing with myself about all the damn bullshit I was thinking. Yeah, we had a brief moment holding hands while walking towards his apartment, and I still could feel his arms tight around me from that hug at the museum. But that was just Steve being a good friend and I couldn’t ask for more, I had no right to ask for more… If all I’ve read at the museum was true, we were friends since childhood, probably he was used to have his “ _good ol’ pal Bucky_ ” sleeping on his bed. Children do that, don’t they? … But for me, it was quite different than when we were children…

It’s not like I haven’t been thinking about sleeping on a bed; but not that bed.  It would probably only fuck up my feelings worse and I was already so fucked up… As if it wasn’t enough, I was still afraid that my nightmares could come back to haunt me there and I would wake up screaming and sweating and feeling completely lost and empty… When it happened the last time, I almost killed a man that was sleeping next to me. I couldn’t let it happen again… Not with Steve right there, in the next room.

My eyes went to the door. _“Don’t even think about it, damn!”_   Steve was sleeping on his not-so-comfortable couch for me to be on his room; it would be so pathetic to wake him up only because I was feeling lonely. Not to mention that would be very ungrateful to say that his bed was _too soft_ and I wasn’t feeling OK there. It wasn’t his fault, of course not; the problem was me, I wasn’t in the mood for a good night of sleep and probably would never be again… I should get the fuck off his house, and forget that we had even met. I probably would survive jumping through the window, he lived in the first floor, wasn’t much of a fall.

But I wasn’t lying when I said I really wanted to meet him. I really wanted to make things right again and I knew I’d need his help. If I wanted to be his friend again (I wasn’t cocky enough to aim _best friend_ ), I needed to stop to act like a fugitive and start… To let him in. Damn, it would be harder than I had thought... But I had to try it! So I got up and opened the door, giving a look out there, where light and awkward sounds called my attention. Silently, I crossed the hall to the living room, where Steve was watching TV,lying lazy on the couch. He hasn’t noticed my presence at first, which gave me a few minutes to look at him.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t notice you were…” – he paused the image on the TV and looked at me, surprised. – “Did I wake you? Is the TV too loud?” - I denied with a nod of head. - “Has been difficult to sleep?”

            “Impossible is a more accurate word.” – I answered but I wasn’t sure if he had heard me. – “I came to see if you… don’t want back your bed...”

            “Oh, no.” – he shook his head, smiling. – “Don’t need to worry ‘bout that. You can stay here with me if you like. I’m watching a movie collection, ‘Star Wars’. Barton said it was indispensable for life but so far, it’s just confusing...” - Steve sat on the couch, inviting me to sit by his side, what I did quickly. - “Well, as far as I get, this guy here is going to have to save the galaxy from the Empire, which are the bad guys, but he doesn’t have a ship or an army. All he has is an elder man, who’s going to be his master.”

            “Sounds confuse.” – I commented.

            “It’s just the beginning, if you want to watch it too, you haven’t lost anything important, or understandable. According to Barton, this is one of the most epic movies ever and I should have seen it even when I was frozen. But he and Natasha have some weird preference for the bad guy, which makes me feel a little uncomfortable.”

            I gave a small laugh. Steve was always the _good guy_.

            I admit I didn’t put much effort to pay attention to the movie; I just sat there and let my head go emptying slowly, as the two things (“droids” what the fuck is a droid anyway?) were talking about a secret mission. If I focused, maybe I could feel like we were on the right time and all that story was nothing but a bad dream; I’d be the Bucky he used to know and the world would be the same as it used to be.Steve could feel misplaced too but it was different with him. He had been included in a world that idolized him, he was a _hero_ , had new friends just as heroic as him.

            That exactly moment, I had nothing. No memories, no home, nowhere to run. I had Steve but I was still afraid of being unnecessary. Now he had the _Avengers_. Barton and Natasha, he just mentioned. And that other guy too, the one with the wings stuff. How could I beat them up? I was only an ordinary guy who couldn’t remember who he was before he was a killing-machine. I not only _had_ nothing, but I _was_ a huge puddle of nothing.

            “Seriously, I don’t get why they like this guy so much. He’s just a damn bully with evil reasons” – Steve interrupted my thoughts when the villain appeared on the screen. I could tell it was the villain ‘cause he was all dressed in black, with his face hidden by a mask and he had just murdered someone with his power (what the fuck?). – “No, he had no reasons to kill this guy, it was completely unnecessary. There’s nothing to admire on a guy like that.”

            I kept quiet. Yeah, nothing to admire on a guy like that…

            “Ok, I got it. This guy has style, I’ll give him that, and he has all the good lines.” Steve laughed and I could see his bright eyes glowing in the dark. “Just don’t let Stark know that I said it out loud...” I didn’t know how to answer that comment, so I gave him the briefest smile I had with that heavy, complicated feeling. Every new sentence, a new friend appeared someone else, someone to take my place...

            Oh, shit! Was that jealous? I had no reason to be jealous; after all, those friends fought by Steve’s side and had also saved... Whatever the Avengers had saved. Even that other guy, the one with the wings; how could I be angry with him when he had helped Steve while I was the bad guy? If wasn’t for him, maybe things were different right now, maybe I would still be with those twisted motherfuckers, doing bad stuff, right? …But yet, every time I remembered him, I got angry.

 _“I should expect to find you holding the Vader's leash”_. My mind got distracted by the princess being badass on the screen and that particular line made me feel more uncomfortable. The whole idea of holding someone by the leash gave me chills. I had assumed that _Vader_ was the bad guy, but if there was someone controlling him… Maybe he was just as bad as me…

            We haven’t spoken anything then, both trying to follow that nonsense picture and I was sure that Steve was confused just as me. There was a lot of weird stuff going on in my life already, I didn’t need to worry about people getting smashed inside the trash chamber (seriously, that movie was going worse and worse…). But it got Steve amused, even though it was a hard thing to understand, I could see he was having fun watching… Well, until he fell asleep.

            One of the few things I had remembered about Steve, that different Steve inside my head, was that he used to sleep very easily and ridiculously fast. I had that awkward remembrance (I wasn’t sure if it was an illusion, though) that since we were children, he was an **easy-sleeping guy**. Apparently, he was _really_ like this… Steve ended up falling sleep and leaning head against um right arm. I mentally thanked I was sitting on his left side, or the scene would be different and my metal arm would fuck the moment up.

            I felt like I could laugh at the situation. A couple hours ago, all I wanted was Steve, even if it was only for him to kick me. And now, there he was, sleeping cuddling with my arm, like a child. I couldn’t deny, my lucky seemed to be starting to change...

            At first, I’ve tried to keep it cool, paying attention to the screen. It was strange that all that noise and shining lights didn’t wake him up; they were disturbing _me_. The movie ended only half hour later, crazier as the beginning, I should point out, but in the end, I got caught on the plot and Steve missed the explosion of the Death Star and the commemoration. I haven’t seen the villain anymore, but I couldn’t picture a good end to him… Well, I had no idea of how to get off the black screen after the ending credits or to turn off all the devices he owned. And I wouldn’t risk changing my position and waking Steve up; he was looking so adorable there it would be a crime to disturb him.

There was no clock to be seen in the living room, so I had no way to know what time was it, but I wasn’t sleepy; maybe because I didn’t want to miss any detail of Steve’s sleep. God, I was already sounding like a creepy! Fuck, I really need to stop it.

 I tried to stay still, only turning my head aside to watch those pretty pink lips moving slowly every time he exhaled, all my body was feeling shivery against his warm breathe and it was the greatest feeling I could ever get. When I was alone ( _kinda_ alone) in the dark I could let my mind free to imagine whatever perversion it wanted; it started with a soft pressure of his lips on my neck, and then my chin, my cheeks, finally getting to my mouth;

            “Bucky.” – he said in the middle of the night, getting me by surprise. Fuck, did the serum give him reading minds power?  I leaned to look at his face but his eyes still closed. – “Bucky? Are you still here?”

            “Yes, I am, Steve.” – I replied softly. Damn, I really want to pet his hair!

            “But you’re really here this time, aren’t you? I don’t want to wake up if you’re not…”

            That was an awkward thing to say but he was sleeping. People don’t usually say normal things sleeping…

“You can sleep peacefully ‘cause I am here. And I’ll be here... Till the end of the line, ok?” That sentence I’ve been repeating to myself all year long, trying to find a meaning for those words. For reasons unknown, they only made sense when I was with Steve…

            “Till the end of the line, right?” – he repeated. – “I’m glad you’re not dead, pal.” Could be only my impression, but I felt my arm being tightened with a bit more strength. Completely unconscious, Steve made me smile openly for the first time in forever…

            “I’m glad none of us is dead, pal.” Was all I could answer before he cuddled more my arm and then, was back into sleep.

            After this little nonsense talk, Steve hasn’t spoken anything else and there was nothing else to be said... That silence reassured me. I could get used to that…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be okay, my darlings!
> 
>  
> 
> And thanks for the kudos I received. It was a warm welcome <3


	3. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An only second, hot and scary, all at the same...  
> A lot can happen in a second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Hope you like this!

The next morning came sooner than I expected and it woke Steve up, who was, by then, sleeping completely over me. It was a good thing in the end, ‘cause stopped the stupid thought in my head and made me focused in more pleasant thoughts… He woke a little bit dizzy, leaning on my leg to lift his own body, the gentle pressure of his hands so next to my crotch made me hold my breath. With the sleepiest eyes I've ever seen, he asked: 

"Did I sleep over you all night?" - I nodded while he combed his hair with the fingers and rubbed his eyes, still unaccustomed to the light coming in through the window. - "I didn't… I didn't say anything, did I?" 

"Yes, you did." - I answered, forcing a quickly smile while I watched him. How could someone be so damn beautiful waking up? - "You did a lot, actually." 

Steve froze instantly, like he was panicking, which made me think what he thought he had said. "Did I say... Something ‘bout you?" 

"Well… You said my name a few times, yeah…” – if it was possible, those light blue eyes became more desperate than before. - “Chill out, Cap. You just asked me if I was still here."

"Ah… - he shrugged, sighing in relief. - “That’s…Not so bad". 

"‘Not so bad’? Why? What would be ‘so bad'?" 

"Nothing. Never mind." - He answered quickly. "Let's have breakfast, Bucky." 

“C’mon, Steve, tell me.” I said while he stretched his arms, looking away. “Please?” 

“It was nothing, Bucky. Don’t need concern about it, ‘kay?” – Our eyes met again and there was definitely something weird there. I pulled his arm in my direction, holding it with enough strength to scare Steve a bit. I loosened the grip as he sat down again, trying to make it comfortable again. A huge part of me was screaming that we weren’t close enough for that, but my body kept moving against my will. 

"Hope you haven't forgotten that I have the great talent of making you spit it out, Steve. Or will you want me to refresh your memory?" 

"I thought the one who needed to refresh the memories were you, Soldier." – Sassy answer. Good. 

"I said I remember well everything that involves you." Surprisingly, it didn't make me feel embarrassed as it used to do. 

I was really skilled at cornering my victims, so changing our position and hold Steve on a couch with my own body wasn't a hard task, but I had the impression that Steve wasn’t really trying to escape. Maybe I was seeing just what I wanted to. 

"Bucky! Seriously, let me go. " – Steve tried to sound cool and maybe annoyed by my play, but his voice gave him away and he laughed. 

"I won't let you go, Steve. Not until you speak what would be bad. C’mon, what could be so…" 

In an only second, hot and scary, all at the same, Steve raised his face and kissed my mouth, getting me totally unprepared. His lips were soft against mine and it felt so good, even better than my fantasies... The surprise made my hands slip off his wrists and he took advantage of my stupor to get away, making me fall face first on the couch. 

"This. Not so bad as this." – He explained before I could get up. 

I turned myself around to face him. Steve was flushed, red as a tomato, which made him look so damn cute I could… Oh, shut up! I took a step forward and pulled him to me again, starting a new kiss and that second kiss was even better than the first one; a sensation I thought I'd never feel. A mixing of suffocation and excitement, as if I could destroy the whole building with my bare hands only with that tension. But I just kept going on with our kiss, holding Steve's face between my hands, pulling him closer and closer till our bodies were pressed together as one. When my air was gone, we had to separate our lips, slowly and against our will. 

"Right..." -he babbled, staring me perplexed. -" It... It really happened, right?" 

I said yes with a small nod, still speechless, still trying to figure out what was happening. Since day one, when my feelings for Steve were driving me crazy, I repeated to myself a thousand times that I was no queer and those sick fantasies would never become true or both of us were fucked, really fucked. But now I had just kissed Steve twice. I knew I should feel like that was huge mistake but all I could think was how that had been the best kiss of my life (I assumed). 

"You know, if you keep answering me only by moving your head yes or no, without saying a fucking word, I'll have to punch you." - Steve threatened with a little smile on his lips, indicating that he wasn’t talking serious. Even though I knew I was getting on his nerves, I also knew what was just trying to break the ice between us. 

"Sorry. Yes, Steve, it really happened." - I muttered my answer, trying to sound more confident than I really was. But even if the situation was totally unexpected, it seemed that was the natural course of things. I kinda knew I belonged with Steve… 

"And we will… Make this an habit?" 

“If you want it too... I'd really like to ‘make this an habit'." - I imitated him and received a smile back; that bright smile that was capable to warm my heart and make me forget about everything wrong in my life. Even after 70 years, Steve was capable of getting me on with only one smile. 

"And... What do we do now, Bucky?" – he asked, looking a little bit more calm now. We were still too close so I could watch him trying to catch his breath, feel his chest going up and down against mine, but my entire attention was on his perfectly-shaped mouth saying the name that used to be mine. 

"Hum… As far as I remember,” – I give him a little smile for that bad joke. –“you were going to make us breakfast." - I winked. - "Make me waffles, huh?" 

"Come make your own waffles, jerk." – Steve answered, taking my hand. I laughed, for the first time in forever, and followed him to the kitchen. Making breakfast with Steve was so impossible the day before that I was afraid of waking up and finding out that it had been only a very good dream. So I tried to keep every detail in mind, just in case nothing was real. 

Despite of his impolite answer, Steve really made us waffles for breakfast, I didn't even know he knew how to make it. I noticed he was a little uptight while putting the ingredients together in a bowl. 

"You've got a lot of Captain America stuff in your kitchen." - I mentioned, trying to start a talk; wasn’t the best thing I could say, but was the only thing that came to me. I knew he wasn't the kind of guy who needed to be praised all the time, so it was a really odd detail. 

"Natasha thinks it's funny so every time she finds something with the shield, she buys it as a gift. This one" - he showed a dishcloth with a lot of little shields - "she brought from Japan. I'm probably the only person who has a Japanese dishcloth on the block." 

"On the country, maybe." - I answered and he threw the cloth on me. I got a cup with the same draw of the shield from his cupboard. - "Some of them are… Quite cute…" 

"Do you want it for you? I've got more ten like this one… It seems I looked like someone self centered, ‘cause I just get these things from people… I just don’t give away it all ‘cause they were all presents from fans. But I prefer these ones" – he showed some drawings on the fridge’s door, obviously made by children. – “I keep them here to remind me that I’m not doing this for the fame.” 

“That’s a nice reminder.” I smiled, looking closely each drawing of “The Captain America”, saving people and throwing his shield. Steve was telling me to prepare some coffee or hot chocolate for us and the doorbell rang, interrupting his words. 

"Can you get that, please?" - he asked, still concentrated on our waffles. - "It's probably some neighbor." No need to ask me twice. 

I opened the front door and ran into… That guy. That one guy I didn’t know a thing about, nor even his name, and all I could remember was destroying his mechanical wings (that part was making much sense…) and throwing him from a hellicarrier to death. Not a very good beginning, so I prepared myself for an possible (very possible, given to our past record) attack when he raised his hand. 

"Hey, Steve!" – he said, greeting me and then noticed that I definitely wasn't Steve. - "Oh… Hey." The situation could have been funny if I wasn't involved. - "Is Steve here?" - the question sounded more like "is he alive?"... He had his reasons to be suspicious. I nodded and went back to the kitchen to call Steve, taking his place to run away from the most embarrassing scene ever. 

"Hey, Sam!" - I heard Steve greeting the guy. - "Is everything alright?" 

"I could ask you the same, dude. It’s been a while. Thought you're gone" 

"Oh, I’m sorry. I was… Taking care of some stuff." 

He meant me? And how often they had met for two days be considered “a while”? 

"Ok. Got it." - The Sam guy answered. - "But is everything alright?" 

Of course I knew he was referring to my presence. I had tried to kill Steve, not once, but twice. And I had been really close to complete that mission if wasn't for my sudden conscious that that was my Steve and I could hurt that guy. For anyone watching outside, the change of "mortal enemies" to "breakfast with waffles" was too fast. 

… Right. Even if I could justify each and every one of Sam's worries, I couldn't stop thinking he was annoying and inconvenient. Captain America could handle just fine with an "enemy" like me all by himself, right? I mean, he had already done that. 

I turned off the waffle maker and stood in silence in the kitchen, trying not to sneak into their conversation at the living room. Needless to say that I failed and paid attention to pretty much everything. Apparently Sam didn't like much my presence (which just made him more annoying) and was trying to convince Steve that I could be a threat to his life. Right when I decided to go there and show what a real threat was, though, Steve said quietly, perhaps for me to not hear: 

"What if it was Riley? What if he could miraculously come back, what would you do? Would you care?" A big moment of silence made me have a slight idea of who could be Riley. "I know you're capable of understanding me. I won't waste this second chance, Sam." Another unpleasant moment of silence and I could only imagine what was going on out there. For a split of second, I felt sorrow for Sam; maybe for him, there was no “miraculous” option and I could, at least, empathize with that. 

"Right. Well, I went to see if you wanted to jog or do something but it seems I got here a little late." - He sighed. - "But let me know if you… Need anything, okay?" They said goodbye and Sam went away. It took a little while to Steve to come back to the kitchen. 

"What is it?" - I asked when he sat on the chair that was close to me, completely in silence. 

"What is what?" 

"You seem to be lost in thoughts. Is there something... Bothering you? He said something?" 

"No, nothing… It's just that Sam came to ask if I wanted to go run with him." 

"And you got that face only for it?" - I raised my eyebrow, skeptical. “I think I know you better than that…” 

"He... Is just a little apprehensive with... This." - he indicated us both. - "But I made everything clear and I guess he understood. The waffles are ready?" – I noticed Steve was trying to change the subject and it made me feel a little upset. 

"Why is he apprehensive?" - I knew he really meant "scared". - "Does he think you can't handle me alone?" – My intention was to sound humorous but ended up sounding jealous, which, truth be told, fitted better to how I was feeling. And, by his low laugh, I could tell that Steve had noticed. 

"You... Well, we can't blame the guy. He saw what you're capable of…" - he answered and I had no reply. -"Wouldn't it be jealous, would it, Bucky?" 

"Why? Do I have any reason to be jealous, Steve?" - I asked, losing the control of my anger. I already hated that guy without meeting him; now that he had spoiled my breakfast with Steve, I was ready to break him. 

Instead of answering me as I deserved, Steve just laughed, got up and walked over to me. "No, you don't. Sam is a friend who was helping me to look for you, by the way. And he is a good company for a run, sometimes. And I think you just broke my waffles maker." 

Without noticing, I had smashed the iron with my metal arm.

"Oh, I'm sorry…Steve, I… Damn." - I took some steps away from him and from the mess, terrified by what I had done. 

"Is ok." – Steve came closer and put his arms around my neck and, despite all his embarrassment, kissed me. A soft and gentle kiss that sadly didn’t last too long. - "It's just control yourself." - He opened the broken press and saved from there the remains of the last waffle being made. - "See? No damages. Now, c’mon. Let's have breakfast!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this chapter is a little small... I'm not okay right now, it's been so hard... but I'll make it up to you guys, I promise! So please, bear with me once more.
> 
> And yes, I wrote it: Steve Rogers was trying to break the ice! :)


	4. Natalia Alianovna Romanova

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When I managed to get a good look on her face, a strange lapse of memory hit me and I repeated the number of protocol of the mission I met Natalia Alianovna Romanova."

We sat together at the table and Steve told me what he had done since the “defrost stuff” (as he himself called), since the most common things, like places he went to see, to the acclaimed Battle of Manhattan and about his new friends. He commented all the minimum details and I listened with all attention, only thinking that was really impressive all the story of Norse gods trying to rule the Earth had happened. For real.

"Someone should make a movie of this story." - I said when he was telling about Iron Man falling from the huge hole that spat alien monsters out from nowhere. It really sounded like a huge lie and, if it wasn’t Steve telling me, I’d probably never believe it. Seriously, not all the waffles in the world could help me to swallow that.

"No one would watch it, it was terrible!” Steve replied with a timid smile and I arched one eyebrow. “Yep, might sound exciting now, but it was terrible to be there, believe me. To see an outer space army so close and have people’s life depending on you... I think I’ve never been so scared…"

"You're the national hero; it's all in a day's work." - I put the last and more generous piece of waffle in my mouth. Steve laughed as if I had told him anything but the truth. We finished our meal and went back to the living room, sitting side by side on the couch, completely shy. Hell, I wanted to go back kissing but I didn't know how to get along with that situation and probably, neither Steve. He was looking so embarrassed that I wondered if he had ever been with someone before (better to not think about it…).

"So... What do we do now?" - He asked after a while, when the silence became almost painful. I answered while a constrained smile, as saying "Whatever"."What I said before about you not answering my questions with actual words?"

"Ah... I don't know. What was it again?" - I bit my bottom lip, I wasn't sure if it was teasing him (but I had that intention anyway). Could be something of my head, but every time I looked at Steve, he seemed to be feeling the same strange need of…

He didn't let me finish the thought or even have a reaction, just threw himself all over me, bringing our lips together with a little hurry and totally by surprise. It wasn't an anxious kiss as the first two were; which didn't mean it wasn't good. If it was possible, it had been even better.

I pulled him by his shirt, bringing him closer and making our kiss deeper, I felt Steve's hands slipping through the back of my neck, caressing my skin, making every inch of my body chill. His tongue was playing my own, so excited I was having trouble to keep up with.

"I wanted... To do this so much... Ever since I knew what kissing was, I knew I wanted to kiss you, Buck…” - he sighed in between kisses; as a reply, I sucked gently his lip, making him moan so beautifully. I hid my face in the curve of his neck, while he was gasping in my ear, calling me, teasing me to go further and further. Steve was perfectly sat on my lap, pulling gently my hair and kissing the way between my neck and my shoulder. I was completely breathless, trying to make him feel the same way. And that moment, when our bodies were pretty intense won each other, the doorbell rang, ruining the moment. Again.

"Fuck" - He swore out loud, before coming off me. - "Nobody ever comes here, ever!

"If it is that friend of yours again, I swear I'm gonna break him in three." I complained out of breath.

"You” – he pointed to my chest. - “stay sit here" - Steve got up and hindered me of doing the same. - "You won't break anyone until I'm done with you. And believe me, I’m far from done with you. "- He stood off from the couch, straighten his own hair and clothes. I thought if I should do the same. "Oh c'mon!" Steve complained again, looking through the "magic eye" and recognizing the visitor, apparently. Opening the door, he said. "Sam called you, right?"

"What? Of course not!" - A woman's voice denied in falsetto. With a nod of Steve's head that functioned as an invitation, the woman and a man who was with her came into the apartment. When he passed by Steve, the man said:

"You know she's lying, don't you, Cap?

"I always know, Hawkeye..." there wasn't much humor on his voice. 

In a fast and synchronized movement, the woman tried to kick the one that had black mouthed her, but he quickly dodged and held her by the shoulders with a smug smile. She just snorted at him and I thought that they were a really weird couple.

"We came to see if you're alright, Steve." - The woman said, calmly. She, just as much as her companion, disguised really well the quick glances they were giving me (but Steve and I caught them once or twice). When I managed to get a good look on her face, a strange lapse of memory hit me and I repeated the number of protocol of the mission I met Natalia Alianovna Romanova. It had been very long; I didn't know much about the victim itself, some engineer or something like that; but they gave me plenty of information about the KGB spy known as Black Widow. Part of my preparations for the mission was only look at her face from different angles, to end any chances of being fooled by disguises. And now, there she was, standing by the door; maybe that was her real face, I couldn’t know, but it was her. And that freaked me out a little.

"I'm perfectly fine, thanks for the preoccupation, Nat." - Steve answered and turned himself around to introduce me to the couple. - "Bucky, these are Barton and Natasha. You can say they work with me... Nat, Clint, this is Bucky Barnes."

My real will was to disappear through the folds of the couch, but I just got up and shook hands with him, who seemed to have no problems with me; but when I turned to face her, Natasha came closer and, with her hands on her waist, bowed her body to take a face to face look at me. That woman had a real talent on making me feel like a cornered little dog only with that staring.

"Are you sure he's 100% okay, Steve?" - She asked, arching the perfectly shaped eyebrows, which made her look more dangerous. Having someone talking about me like I wasn't in the room was very unpleasant, but I tried my best to pretend I was 100% okay (I was at least 30% okay, maybe...).

"Yes, I am. If he was here to kill me, believe me, he would have done it last night." - He just noticed how his sentence could be misunderstood when Barton snickered. Even then, he didn't try to fix it, which probably made me blush.

"Don't you think it would be wiser to take him to an expert or someone who..." - she stopped talking in the instant she noticed how Steve was staring at her. - "He had been among the enemies for very long time, Steve. We can't let him come back as if nothing had happened!"

Well, just as much as Sam, she had her reasons to not trust me. Even before Steve and I met again, I had crossed her path... And, for the way she was looking at me, it probably didn't end well. 

"Just like we did to Barton in Manhattan? Remember that?"- Steve's question sounded rhetorical and it made the situation pretty uncomfortable. - "I know you can understand me, Natasha." Just like when he used the “Riley” argument with Sam, the uncomfortable silence was the answer this time too. After a while that seemed to last a century, Natasha nodded her head.

"The 'been there, done that' argument isn't much of a win, Steve. Not for us." - She said while passed by Steve, sounding a little less grumpy than before. - "Do you have any remembrance, Barnes?" Natasha asked me calmly. For how long I hadn't been called Barnes? I wasn't even sure if that was my real name yet... "Remember the things you've done? Missions you've been...?"

"Nat, don't do this an interrogatory..." - Barton came between us, but I said with a nod that there was no problem. It was a dirty freaking lie? Yeah, but he didn't has to know that.

"No, I have not many memories. Some flashes and a few numbers of protocols of missions sometimes come back, but no subjects... Nothing is clear."

"Do you remember me?" Steve and Barton approached, seeming to be ready to separate a fight. My breath was completely gone, “what was the question again?”, “Not sure if I do”, maybe I should tell her “no” and deal with the unpleasant expression for just a few seconds more, before the conversation ended as uncomfortable as it began.

"I remember your face." - I admitted in the end. Every answer I give seemed to increase the tension of the room, but I had that feeling that if I didn't, things would be worse. Her hand squeezed the shirt she's wearing, pressing the fabric against the left side of her belly and I had a flash of what had happened: I had shot her. Damn! 

"Miss..." - I restarted my speech, trying to not sound too scared. - "I really don't remember much of what I've done while I was with the... With them. But I am sorry. Really am. And I want to start all over again, make things right this time. I wish I could erase all the damages I’ve done the past years, but sadly it impossible. "

Even though I was being sincere, my apologizes probably sounded stupid. I couldn't tell what I did or for who exactly I've done what I did. And it was hard to think about the people I ended up killing with regret 'cause I couldn't even remember their faces... How could I be sorry if they were nothing but a big blank in my mind?

"Alright. That’s pretty much all I wanted to heart."- Natasha offered me her hand. - "You sound more like a victim than a villain to me. And you're not the only one who had been fooled by HYDRA all those years. Welcome back to the land of the living ones, Barnes." I couldn't deny that that hand shake made me feel better. Not that I was afraid of her, but all that concept of Avengers was making me a little anxious. I wanted they to accept me and not that my dim past fucked my possible future with Steve.

"Well, we're leaving then." Natasha said, looking at Barton for a second and then back at me and Steve, with a slight smile that fit her face amazingly. For a brief moment, I thought that she should do it more often. "It's good to see that you're okay, Steve."

"You really came here only for that?" - Steve questioned. "Serious? You won't even pretend and have breakfast with us?"

"Sadly, we can't, Cap, we're on our way to the airport. We're leaving in..." Barton checked his watch. - "40 minutes, precisely. And, by the way, we got to hurry, Tasha."

"You got a mission?"

"Well deserved vacation." - Natasha answered simply, still with that one smile that seemed to be sincere.

"It's hard to believe when it's about you two... But I'll play the fool and pretend I believe you. Have a nice trip. And be careful, yes?”

On her way to the door, Natasha gave a goodbye kiss on Steve's cheek, giving me a meaningful look for a second; Barton just shook hands with him, waving and saying:

"Be careful you too, Cap. You and your ‘platonic friend’". – he winked to us.

"Oh, shut up and get off, Clint!" Steve slammed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos!
> 
> Yes, the word for this chapter was "uncomfortable". Don't you hate uncomfortable silence?
> 
>  


	5. S.H.I.E.L.D. Special Agent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "May I ask you a question that's killing me since yesterday?" 
> 
> "Say it"
> 
> "What are you gonna do now?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter that was posted yesterday went out all fucked, I don't know what happened. I fixed this morning and I'm posting again. Sorry :/

              After closing the door, Steve turned back to me with a shy smile, as if he was asking for apologizes. I wasn't sure, but that smile looked a bit upset and I wondered why… Maybe he wanted his friends to approve me just like I did and, well... It was definitely not happening. And the worst part of it was that I couldn’t be angry, ‘cause none of them was actually wrong.

             "I am sorry for Natasha and Clint. Well, more for Nat…" - He muttered, coming closer, after some seconds. I could see that he was completely embarrassed and it was so cute… - "She has no manners at all, but is a very good person and my closest friend... She's just worried about me."

             "Well, I get her point..." - I said, staring the floor. - "After so many years being a killing-machine for the enemies, I just come back and expect that everything go back to what used to be? This story wouldn't convince even to me.”

            "But it convinced me." - Steve replied and he read on my face what was going on my mind. - "Are you telling me that I should suspect your intentions, _Barnes_?" - The tone of his voice sounded offended, which was indicating that my physical well-been depended on my next answer.

            "No. I meant that it's natural that your friends are suspicious about me; they know what I did and, _as you said yourself_ , what I’m capable of. They are worried that I could hurt you... But you know the _truth_ , Steve, you know what really happened. You know me and how I feel about… Every shit that happened. You know that I wouldn't lie to you." Apparently, my answer had been satisfactory, 'cause Steve smiled. It was still a little weird feel like that thinking about and looking at my childhood best friend and now having the certain that he felt the same way…

            The idea that now I could be with Steve and love him as I wanted without trouble was _almost_ making me say thanks for the both of us have been frozen time enough. I could bear the idea of a world without Steve and now, for the chance of having him by my side forever, I'd do anything.

           "This house is so boring..." - Steve complained, changing the subject out of sudden, and I was thankful. He had thrown himself by my side on the couch, with his head slightly touching my arm, as if he was lying in my embrace; Felt good. - "I remembered why I avoid spending much time here..."

            "What do you usually do?” - I asked; slowly closing my arms around his shoulders. Felt even better. In a second, I tried to imagine how many times teenage Bucky wanted to take teenage Steve in his arms like that; _countless_ , something inside me answered. Probably because that was my number too.

            "Well, I've been keeping myself busy last year looking for you, thing that I obviously don't need to do anymore."

            "Obviously." - I agreed. - "But outside of that. You probably have some hobby or something you like to do.”

            "Well, to say little, my life is boring. I like to jog sometimes; I like to throw some punches on a sandbag… I still read a lot and I've been trying to keep up with everything I lost, following this stupid list." - He pulled out of his pocket a small and kinda old booklet and showed me his "stupid list". “But it only seems to get longer; every time I cross an item; there are more five to check up.”

            "Hum... Sorry, I don't recognize a thing." - I admitted. “Probably it wasn't HYDRA's priority to keep my entertainment updated, right?”  Steve replied with that upset smile again and I punched myself internally for bringing that back. “I guess I need one of those too, right?”

            "We can do it together, it will be fun. I'm just starting mine, so there are a lot of things to see yet. Would you mind of joining me?"

            "Sounds perfect."

            "Well, let’s see…” – he looked at the list, leaning on me gently. “We met 'Star Wars' last night, but they are six movies and we only saw the first one. Wanna give a try and watch the rest?"

            My answer was yes, obviously, and Steve turned on a ton of electronic stuff just to put the movie on. If the first one was confusing, the second caught our attention a bit more; Sometimes my eyes got distracted looking at him when I thought he wouldn't notice (deep inside I knew that he always noticed) but I tried to understand the story line. But when Steve caught my hand with his own, everything else stopped mattering and I lost my breath again. It wasn't as theatrical as I imagined the scene to be; he wasn't dramatic as ladies used to be. And I never imagined that I would ever to be holding hands with Steve, watching movie, sitting on the couch, just like we were doing right now.

            "You're not paying attention on the movie..." - Steve called me out of my thoughts without moving his eyes from the TV screen, when he noticed that I was facing him for a really long time.

            "I'm sorry; I was looking something a little bit more... interesting. Got distracted" - I answered with a half smile, caressing the back of his neck. Steve shivered in my arms and I felt the need of kissing him screaming in my chest.     He didn’t reject my suggestion.

            "Will you want to see the next one?" - Steve asked, still with his delicious mouth very close to mine. I pulled him in, biting his bottom lip slowly. In the past, when we were young, I secretly wanted that all the meetings I had with Steve ended up like that, even those ones where I actually had a date... How could I even pretend to be interested on someone else when I had all of that right in front of me?

Back then, I wouldn't even imagine that Steve could feel the same I did; but the way he was kissing me now, almost in despair, so thirst and in love as I was, was capable of breaking any doubt I could have.

            "You will end up driving me crazy." - Steve said, while he himself was making me go crazy. - "I’m serious, I'll have to learn how to contain myself next to you or things will get really embarrassing." His comment made me laugh and I imagined if he was talking about going outside. Pulled his body to lie down on mine again, his head resting on my chest; I slowed my breath down to not disturb him. I couldn’t imagine any better place to be…

            "May I ask you a question that's killing me since yesterday?" He turned his eyes to face me. Yeah, I should learn how to control myself next to him too. God, what mouth!

            "Say it"

            "What are you gonna do now?"

            "About what?"

            "'bout your life. I mean, HYDRA will surely send someone after the... _Winter Soldier_. And I'm pretty sure it won't be for asking you to come back..."

            "Well, I escaped from _you_ for year. From you, who was the one I wanted to find the most. I think I’m able to fool them for a long while."

            "Yeah, you can play hide and seek with them for a year or more but, someday..."

            "When that day arrives" - I grabbed the worried face of _my_ Steve delicately. - "I'll do as the normal people do and hide myself behind the Captain America's shield. I know I will be just fine if I trust him..."

            "You are so damn silly..." - Steve snorted and I squeezed his cheek gently. Even though he was smiling, something in his face wasn't pleasing me. - "But I mean, what if..."

            "Steve, don't. Don't say it, let us not spoil the moment, okay?" – I said and he was definitely _not_ okay.

            "What if I'm not here to protect you or... If I can't?"

            "I told to not spoil the moment..." - It was my turn to snort at him, unhappy (but not _really_ ). - "Don’t you worry about HYDRA, Cap; they lost their best chance to beat you when I went out."

            Steve raised his eyebrow and pursed his lips, making the most adorable skeptical face I've ever seen. "They were in trouble if _you_ were they're best chance, Soldier boy. 'Cause, if I'm not mistaken, you failed. Twice."

            "Seriously? 'Because I just remember the part I kicked your ass. Three times."

            "Haha! - He sounded ironic. - "You're making it up. You kicked my ass _once_ and only because I let you do it."

            I passed my arms around his neck on an embrace that could easily become strangulation with just a little more strength. "You know, I can make you swallow that commentary of yours in less than five minutes."

            "Really? Well, too bad. I don't fight 97 years old man..."

            "Well, I don't see any problem in kicking a 96 years old ass in particular."

            Steve loosened my grip and positioned his legs to hold me sat on the couch. I could feel him as excited as myself, writhing on my lap. "I'd like to see you try, old man." - He whispered sensually. I wasn't sure what we would do next; our position offered some very good options. But, just when Steve was half way to kiss me, we heard a weird sound coming from his bedroom, which made him swear more times than I could count.

            "Eh...? What is this?" - I asked while the sound continued insistent.

            "My cell phone" - he answered with a growl, still with his face hidden on my chest. - It seems that people won't let us have peace today..." I didn't know rightly what a cell phone was but it was pretty annoying."I won't answer it..." - Steve said more to him than to me; I knew he was trying to convince _himself_ to do a wrong thing.

            "People might be needing you, Cap. World's safety might be calling, and you can't ignore that call."- Steve rolled his eyes at me and got up. Before going to the room, he pointed to me. "Don't you dare going anywhere, Soldier. We still have a question to solve.”

            I hit salute to him and Steve opened a bright smile that gave me jelly legs and made me fall a little more in love with that man…

            "Captain Rogers speaking" - I could hear him say, trying to imagine which friend was interrupting us this time. It would be funny if it was the Norse god… "Agent Hill. Yes. Yeah, it is. _Wait, what?_ "

            Steve's scream scared me and I got up instantly; the face he was doing when walked slowly back to the living room, holding a small equipment on one hand, was even worse. "Seems that everyone knows you're on our side now..."

            "How's that so?" - I asked confused and worried. What could make fucking Captain America look so disturbed? – “What happened?”

            "The call is for you." - Steve offered me the little thing. "It's like a telephone." - He explained when noticed that I didn't know what to do with that. "You speak here." Obeying what he told me, I brought the cell phone next to my face and heard a woman's voice saluting me cordially.

            "Good morning, Sergeant Barnes. I'm S.H.I.E.L.D.' special agent, Lieutenant Maria Hill"

            "Eh… Good morning, ma’am.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thanks all the Kudos and hits this has received. Thank you very much for keeping up with me (I promise, when the porn start, I'll make it up for you!)
> 
>  


	6. It feels like the war... All over again...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I needed a way to redeem myself, Steve. From the things I did as the Winter Soldier.  
> None of them are particularly clear for me, but I can't deny or erase them.  
> This might be my chance to restart. I can't rewrite my story,  
> but I can change my way and fight for the right side this time.  
> And try to restart my life, with you. Maybe this job is my opportunity to do this.."

..."Eh... Good morning, ma'am."

The woman started her speech, and spoke for long minutes till she finally reached her real spot; I knew she knew that I wasn’t being fooled by any of her words, but I didn’t interrupt.  In the end, she settled up a date, place and time for us to meet, in case I wanted to accept her offer. When Agent Hill hung up, I gave the cell phone back to Steve.

"What did she want with you?" - He asked after a while in silence. By his voice I knew he was worried and, know what?, he was right to be.

"She wanted to... Offer me a job." - I said little. Obviously, both of us knew that it wasn't a regular job offering, so there was no real reason to say with all the words...

"On S.H.I.E.L.D.?" - Okay, maybe I was wrong.

"Yeah. Something like a secret agent; somehow my 'specific skills' ended up on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar and, according to the Agent, they could make a good use of it, ‘only if I’m interested, of course’. She made this point very clear, actually." - I mocked but Steve didn’t laugh. - "The way she was talking, it sounded interesting. Exciting."

"Agent Hill knows how to be persuasive when she really wants something" - He answered, upset.

"Do you know her? Is she trust worthy?" - I knew that if she had a particular communication line with him, probably Hill was not only trust worthy, but also someone with big charges.

"Sadly, she is. And if Maria called you personally, it is a legitimate offer from S.H.I.E.L.D." - Steve said and moaned quietly. - "Will you accept it?" - His expression was already screaming on my face that the right answer was 'no!'; But, even though I wanted to do everything right for Steve, I already had other thoughts about that.

"I guess so. I mean, I need to do something and, unfortunately _this_ is all I know how to do... It's a way to do something about my life..."

"You don't need to do it if you don't want, you know it, right, Buck? Not after all the things that happened to you..."

"Work with S.H.I.E.L.D. may keep me safe from the HYDRA threat. It's totally the opposite of hiding behind your shield, wasn't what you want?"

"No. It will only put you in danger and that's way too far from what I want."

"I needed a way to redeem myself, Steve. From the things I did as the _Winter Soldier_. None of them are particularly clear for me, but I can't deny or erase them. This might be my chance to restart. I can't rewrite my story, but I can change my way and fight for the right side this time. And try to restart my life, with you. Maybe this job is my opportunity to do this." I didn't know if my argument was really good or if Steve chose to not reply me, 'cause he kept staring at me upset without saying a word. I didn't want to get used to that look...

"What is it?" - I asked when he looked away for the first time, snorting annoyed.

"It feels like the war, all over again. I have to see you doing something stupid you really shouldn’t do and I can't do anything but watch you do it. Makes me feel powerless and it sucks..." - I sat by his side on the couch and snuggled in his arms. Steve squeezed his embrace around me, as an illustration of he would really like to do.

"Well, my memory is a little messy, but I remember that you were the one that did a few stupid stuff back at the war time, am I right, trouble maker?" - He wasn't as humorous as me.

"I've already lost you twice, Bucky. Don't ask me to accept to risk you again..."

"You won't risk. I swear." - I promised, even though I knew it was a hard one to keep. Trying to make him laugh, I kissed his hands a few time; it worked. - "You can be damn sure you won't get rid of me that easily, Rogers. I'm with you till the end of the line."

Steve pulled my face to his, leading us to a kiss; maybe it was that one kiss he wanted to give me on the night we said goodbye, back at 1943. Without saying a word, he was making really clear how much he had missed me. So I tried to do the same. "I guess nothing I have to say will make you change your mind and get off this, right?" - He whispered against my lips, not sounding as unhappy as the words he was saying sounded.

"No" - I admitted. - "I really have to do this, for myself. But hey, try to see the silver lines. Now we're going to work for the same company, it might give us more hours a day to stay together."

"I know you're not that naive, Bucky." - Steve shook his head, with a bitter laugh. - "And did you have any plan of not staying with me every single hour a day?" I kissed him, taking away that small smile.

If it was making Steve upset, I surely shouldn't do it. But that job was offering me more opportunities I could ever wish for. The chance of redemption from my crimes against people, chance of do right stuff... I wasn't _that_ naive, but I was really hopeful that S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn't split Steve and I, we’ve been fighting side by side since _ever_. I was hopeful that we would work together and I'd do my best to keep him safe; as a way to repeat my role during the war, being the Captain America's faithful sidekick. I wasn't aiming for more than that, at all... To be by Steve's side was exactly what I wanted.

  "You know... If you start working for S.H.I.E.L.D., there's a big chance to meet the others. The Avengers, I mean." - Steve said, sitting straight on the couch again, to face me.

"Yeah." - The ideia hasn't crossed my mind. "It's possible." - I tried to read his expression, I couldn't say if he was worried but definitely, he meant more than he was saying. - "Would that be a problem?"

"The Avengers? No. I'm pretty sure they will all like you; they are all good people. You already met Natasha and Clint and that went well" - I highly doubt that... - "The others will treat you pretty much the same; Banner will act like everything that happened doesn't matter, he's... Very comprehensive; You probably won't see Thor for a while, 'cause he's living in London with his girlfriend, but when you do, he will treat you like you're an old friend, it's nice." - This thought made me wanna laugh, I imagined how would be like to be a Norse god's old friend... "Stark will probably piss you off for weeks, but you get used to it soon. And he has his own business to run, so he's never around. Which is good... For _us_ ".

I chose to not mention that it would be good _especially_ for me, 'cause I was freaking out with the idea of someone talking to me, mainly about Steve. I was still getting used to come back to civilization (and to all that story of being in love with my best _guy_ friend) and stupid little jokes probably weren’t the best way to do it.

"Well... If the Avengers won't be a problem... Then, what will?"

Steve remained in silence for a not-so-long-but-still-noticeable while. Then smiled and asked: - "Why should there be a problem?"

"I think I know you better than that. And your last dramatic pause only confirmed my deductions." - There was a list of possible things that could be worrying him, but I had to ask. "C'mon, what are you afraid of?"

"Right." - He sighed. - "About a year or so, before I found out you were still alive, Natasha tried to arrange me a date with basically all the girls from S.H.I.E.L.D. Or huge part of them..."

"Let me guess: you suck at dates? - I asked, trying to sound serious.

"Kinda" - Steve was looking so adorable all embarrassed like that... - "Well, I don't think I gave any hope for any of them but... I'm still Captain America and it probably has some appeal."

Okay. "Some appeal" was exaggerated modesty from him. "Right, let me see if I understood right." - I stared at him with the most concentrated face I was capable of doing. - "You're afraid that your fans might be rude with me because they are jealous?" - saying that out loud made me burst in laughter. "I think I can handle some freak girls. If you remember well, I’m pretty good with them..." - I said, even though I didn't.

"Yes, I do!" - He replied quickly and a little angry. "But happens that some of those girls can actually use weapons." This observation made me worry; would they _shot_ me?

"Well, that means that I can use too! C’mon, Steve, what they could possibly do to scare me away from _you_?” – my answer made him blush, which was pretty cute. – “Those girls, no matter how many they are, will have to make just as regular enemies and pass through me if they want to touch you."

"I think you might be better against the enemies than girls."

"Well, my _boyfriend_ is Captain freaking America; I can't be an easy obstacle, can I?" - I asked laughing and only after I said it I noticed the word I used. Even though we had kissed a lot on that morning, and almost reached, what?, second base?, neither I nor Steve had decided to say with all the letters what we were now. Back at the 40s, we would be degenerate fucking queers; but, and now?

I had my confirmation that Steve had noticed my slip with the "bf" word when he looked at me astounded just before opening his beautiful smile and pull me into another kiss. It was actually, a great sum of our day: big kisses and small talks, interspersed, and the situations went naturally. The rest of the day was peaceful, we had lunch in home (Steve made us a big mix of everything he had in fridge and it was awesome), we finished watching the nonsense movies of "Star Wars"(or that was what I thought, till he came up with more three movies even crazier than the first three). It was already night when the movies were over and he wanted to introduce me to the "wonderful delivery world" and ordered our dinner by phone. He seemed to be so happy and I imagined if I'd be too if I ever found someone more lost in time than I was. Probably, yes.

I stand there, watching him introducing me to new things with all that enthusiasm. I could have named the situation by saying "boyfriends", but what he was doing was way more serious. He was presenting me to his world, his life, and wanting me to be part of all that. Maybe that was his way to accept my... "Dating proposal".

From all I could remember of myself before the war (not much, but I had some few mental pictures that I could work with), I wasn't a guy who was looking for a full commitment. The longest and most relevant relationship I could recall was that one with Steve. That was why all the memories I was having back were about him; He was all the things I had to remember.

"Where do you go when you're like this?" - Steve's voice called me out of my trance and I noticed that probably had stayed staring at him for too long.

"What?"

"Sometimes, you keep quiet, staring at nowhere, for a really long time... I wanted to know where you go those times." - by the way Steve was talking, maybe he thought that I was thinking about the time I spent working with HYDRA or any other fucked up moment of my past, but no. All I could see was him.

"Where do I go...? I guess I go back. I mean, I think about the past, or at least what I imagine the past was... I'm not sure."

"A good part of the past?" - He asked, taking another slice of pizza, maybe the fifth. His hungry totally did justice to the Super Soldier Steve was.

"You." - I admitted, even though it still made me feel really embarrassed. Steve smiled shy and I couldn't help but do the same.

When we finished our dinner, I helped him to clean everything up and we decided to go to sleep, once I had a "big business meeting" with Agent Hill next day and I couldn't show up with a sleepy face. When Steve said that, I waited to see if he would offer again to sleep on the couch to give me privacy with the bed or something but, for my genuine surprise, he made the bed and lied on one of the halves, leaving the other one free for me.

"How can it be? We haven't done anything all day and I'm tired!" - He complained, dressing his pajamas pants, taking my breath away while doing it. I knew it wasn't physically possible, 'cause again he was fucking Captain America; not even I would believe he was ready to go to bed.

"Hum... I think you're getting older, Cap." - I joked and he threw the shirt he was going to wear on my face, lying beside me with his chest naked. - "You're doing this to tease me..."

"You'll notice when I _start_ to tease you." - He answered with a malicious smile that made my body react unexpectedly. - "Now shut up and sleep" - Despite of his hostile words, Steve's goodnight kiss was the best kiss ever! It didn't feel like our first kiss had been that same morning; I already felt so comfortable with those lips on mine that seems that we had kissed all lifelong. When the lights turned off, I realized where I was. Back at USA, in a place I could call _home_ , ready to sleep right beside my Steve, just like reality should be. I had a brief moment of remembering, or maybe _imagining;_ there was no way to know.

But in the back of my mind I could see the nights I stood with the Army, sleeping on the floor, or trying to do so, and all I could think about was Steve, wondering what he could possibly be doing (probably never crossed my mind that he was becoming a Super Soldier) and if he ever took a time, even a second, to think about me. Tried to imagine how any times I wished to be right there were I was now. Not kissing Steve, nor doing anything else, but just lied beside him, hearing his breath and feeling his body up against mine, cuddling. God, how many times I haven't wished to cuddle with him?

Without noticing, I fell asleep very quickly. For the first time in 70 years. A sleep without dreams or nightmares, or haunting or HYDRA. More than I could ever wish for.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I have to say thanks for everyone who has been reading this. Thank you so much!!  
> Second: I should be writing, but I've spent the last hour tearing up my heart on Bagginshield tag on tumblr ;--; And now I'm a huge mess, I'm sorry
> 
> Next week, we got to see Sam again and stuff will start happen. But not the stuff you guys are thinking (not yet!!)


	7. On your left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You sold me out for fifty bucks? Fifty?
> 
> You bargained me and didn't even reach 100? You're not the Bucky I used to know..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hey! Today's chapter will be posted a little earlier today, 'cause it's my last day of vacation and I want to spent it on a Starbucks, talking about Stucky <3

I woke up early next morning, but more relaxed than I ever thought I could be. I sat on the edge of bed and combed my hair with my fingers, trying to put all myself together. It was still dark outside the window and Steve was still asleep right beside me, and we were still cuddling… The clock over the bedside table was showing that was only 5 in the morning. Right on the moment I tried to get up, Steve's hand grabbed my arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" - He asked with his eyes still closed and I almost laughed of that bossy voice he used.

"You said you like running. And that you run every morning." - I answered snuggling, - "So today, I'm going with you." -  Steve looked at me with a funny expression, a mixing of "are you fucking kidding me?" and "whaaaat”??” That was the exactly same face I liked to imagine he used to do when I suggested something really stupid for us to do when we were children.

I knew he had some different plans for us today. He had said to Sam that wouldn't go run for a while, he was "taking care of something" ( _yeah_ , I still wasn’t over that). But I didn't want him to turn away from things he liked to do just to be with me. I had already stolen a whole year from his life, and his friends still didn't like me... I didn't want to be that kind of boyfriend to him... I didn't want that kind of relationship for us.

"You... We're going out to run. Right. I get it." - Steve got up from the bed, a little sleepy and still without his shirt. Beautifully, he stifled a yawn with the back of his hand. - "Can I ask you why?"

"Well... Because I'm rusty for staying stopped for about a year and jogging with you seems to be a great way to get back in shape, once I'm getting back in action any minute now. C'mon. I want Hill to get impressed with what she’s after. Don’t be lazy." Steve went to the wardrobe and got us both sweatpants. We had combined that we would go shopping some new clothes for me right after the "business meeting", ‘cause I couldn’t wear his outfits forever (even though, they were my size). While I was changing my pajamas, he threw some water on his face, leaned on the bathroom sink. "You can call Sam to come along. If he wants to..." - I said uncertain and Steve's head popped out from the bathroom's door to look at me. "What?"

"Are you going to explain me what are you doing or will I have to guess?"

"I'm... Trying to socialize." - I said, shrugging. - "I don't want you to give your back to your friends because of me."

Steve finished brushing his teeth and walked to with his eyebrows arched, skeptical. "And that's the only reason why you want to go run?"

"No, there’s another one that is the major one. I want to run 'cause if I don't, you won't and I don't want to be blame for Captain America be out of shape. Now let's go!" – I poked him on the belly and Steve couldn't hold the laughter after my sassy answer. He stood still there, facing me with that silly smile that never failed to take my breath away.

"Okay, you convinced me, it’s really hard to fit that uniform. Let's grab some breakfast and go, good for ya?" - I smiled and brought our lips together. While we were having breakfast, Steve called discreetly to Sam and settled a place for us to meet. Apparently, Sam accepted the invitation and I wondered if Steve had told him that I'd be there too. We got off home right after.

The streets were practically empty, except for a few people going early to work. We walked for about fifteen minutes to a park that was near to Steve's house. Sam was there already, waiting; he waved excited when he saw us.

"Hey, good morning, Sleeping Beauty" - He said, saying hello to Steve and I can't deny that I felt a little jealous about that "beauty". - What's up, man? Did you succeed to take grandpa off the bed to run today?" - Sam shook hands with me. He seemed to be more comfortable today than in the previous morning. I tried to answer but all I could do was smile shy and keep my mouth shut. When we started to run, I thought that was the dumbest idea I ever had. I had traded a potentially wonderful morning, only me and Steve, for a quiet morning jog. Definitely not awesome.

Even though I knew I could run faster than I was actually running, I tried to keep up with Sam. But Steve didn't think like this, or he couldn't control his body while running. In just a few minutes, he was already some miles in front of us.

"Damn!" - Sam snorted. - "A couple seconds more and he'll show up here by our side and say 'on your left’. I’m gonna kick him!” - His imitation of Steve made me laugh; it was quite accurate. "Are you faster than him?" - He asked directly to me.

"You can bet I am, yeah." - I admitted, accidentally sounding a little cocky.

"So, do me a favor and remind him of that. Run the lap and pass by him saying 'on your left'. - He did a good imitation once again.- "Seriously, in a little while, he'll come and I'll have to punch him."

"Wait, you're gonna kick _and_ punch him if he does it, but want me to do it?"

"It's different, 'cause you're going to be on my team."

"And what if he kick and punch me, what's gonna be the benefit of being on any team?" - I ask, laughing. Was a little weird, but I kinda felt like talking with a friend; maybe that was only me.

"He won't hurt _you_. He loves you" - Sam defended himself, laughing out of breath and something inside of me took a jump after listening that particular word. - "C’mon, it will be funny. And I'll pay you twenty bucks for it."

"Only twenty? He'll make this jog a little hell just to make me pay for that joke and all I'll have to relieve my pain are twenty bucks? Not enough."

"What do you say 'bout fifty? - He raised the payment, offering a hand for me. Still not enough, was my first thought, but we weren’t even friends yet, so I decided to accept that.

"Yeah, fifty sounds a little better..." - I laughed and shook hands with him. I started running faster and soon I reached Steve. Fulfilling the deal I did with Sam, I passed by him saying: - "On your left!"

He didn't seem to notice my approach, and what I sad surprised him a lot. I turned to face him, but I didn't stop running; I winked to Steve, who laughed and yelled in response: "Oh, so Sam put on it too? This is dirty play!"

Concentrating to run, Steve easily reached me and we ran shoulder with should till the end of the lap, and none of us was fainting as we supposed to be. When we found Sam again, Steve looked at me, prankish. "C'mon, just for fun." - He asked before I could actually say something. It was kinda cute that we could read each other’s face like that. "Only for him to see on each side you are in this." - I answered with a look like "The things I do for you" and Steve understood that I was in. When we passed by Sam, we both said together:

"On your left!"

"On your right!"

On the moment he heard us, Sam got angry and yelled back:

"You, Soldier, just lost fifty bucks because of that little joke. What about that?"

"I'm sorry, Sam" - I answered. I didn't know how to call him, so I went to the obvious. - "It was my Captain's orders." - Not that I felt threatened but it was good to say that Steve was mine.

"You sold me out for fifty bucks, Bucky? Fifty?"

"He expected me to sell you for twenty..." - I replied and Steve pretended to be outraged with us both.

"Haha! You bargained me and didn't even reach 100? You're not the Bucky I used to know..." - Right in the second he said these words, I felt a bad pressure against my heart, tearing me from my chest to my metal arm. I really wasn't the Bucky he used to know. I was just an incomplete version of what I used to be. I'd never remember everything, there would always be a missing part, I would always feel that empty black hole. Or at least, that was what I thought. But one thing I was assured: I'd never be the same Bucky Steve was looking for...

Drowning in thoughts, I didn't realize how far I had run; and I just like that, I left Sam and Steve way behind me. Damn! My head started to ache and I was feeling so much nausea... Suddenly, the scenario around me started to spin and I wasn't sure if my legs could bear all my weight. Something inside me screamed repeatedly that I was fooling myself and it would not end well. I could say exactly what was happening and sincerely, wasn't excited to find out.

"Bucky!" - I heard Steve's voice and all the other voices of my head just shut up. - "Bucky, is everything alright?" - He passed one arm around my shoulders, to hold me in case I couldn't stand up myself. With his free hand, Steve caught my face and lifted it up, looking me worried.

"What... What happened here?" – Was all I could ask, out of breath and with my head almost blowing up. I wasn’t even sure of what “here” meant.

"You... You just ran two laps in about a minute. You looked lost, like you were running for your life. Are you alright?"

"I guess... Yeah, I am." - I answered, still dizzy and feeling the breakfast coming all the way up. - "I guess I just... Pushed it a little too hard." - Steve petted my hair with the tips of his fingers, caressing the back of my neck. Despite of my answer, he didn't seem to be convinced; his eyes seemed to scan me looking for an actually right answer.

"Hey, Senior Citizens!" - Sam screamed, while passing us by. - "Who's on the left now, huh, motherfuckers?" - I didn't paid attention to what Steve answered, but I was pretty sure it was another joke, and explained that we wouldn't finish the lap. Sam understood and yelled something back that I definitely couldn't hear because of the buzz in my ears. I was getting dizzy again.

"Easy..." - Steve said, more to himself than trying to calm me down. - "We're going to hospital, Buck. I'll call Hill and you won't..."

"Steve. Steve, don't need to worry." - I replied, getting a little nervous when he used the word 'hospital'. I wasn't sure if it was me or him, but one of us was shaking. - "I swear I'm alright."

"She can arrange another day for it, Buck. You're clearly feeling bad."

"I am not. Please, Steve..." - I almost cried, turning my gaze to him, begging for Steve to understand how important that meeting was for me. He just sighed and pushed my bangs out of my eyes.

"The things I do for you..." - He muttered, taking my hand and pulling me to lean on him. - "Let's go home and you'll only come out when you're feeling better. Do we have a deal?"

"Deal." - I nodded and Steve led us back to his apartment. Way back was less crowded, but felt way shorter too. Probably because I wasn't paying much attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The running scene was completely, totally inspired by this wonderful fanart:
> 
>    
> Credits to the artist, [Mechinaries](http://http://mechinaries.tumblr.com//) . This art is great!  
> Thanks to [caitlinshipswestallen ](http://http://caitlinshipswestallen.tumblr.com///) for sending me the artist's url. :)
> 
> And thank you so much for all the hits and kudos (even though, I was working for a family called Kudo and I'm definitely not thankful for them :/). But anyway, thanks!


	8. Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The fact is that there was a shot. And he was the one who pulled the trigger.
> 
> I’m not saying that you’re guilty of anything, Barnes. If I had that suspect, believe me, we wouldn’t be here. 
> 
> I know you’re a victim of HYDRA. What happens is that you’ve been hostage of that ideology for a very long time. Have you ever heard about Stockholm syndrome?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Remember when I said I'd explain why Steve came to NY after CA:TWS? Hill is part 1 of a 3 parts explanation.
> 
> This chapter is gonna be dedicated to my beautiful sister who had my back since day one. You're the best sister someone could ever ask for!

Steve opened the door and let me in. That awful feeling of not being the Bucky Steve wanted to be with was tiny little smaller now; not gone but smaller.

 "Lie down." - He ordered, almost pushing me to the bed and sat by my side. - "Now you're gonna tell me what happened?"

I rested my head on the pillow, with my eyes wide shut and I felt Steve lying face down on my chest. "Some memories come back more... Violent than others." - I answered, looking for his hand to hold. - But now I'm feeling better. Really."

By the look on his face, I guessed that Steve wasn't satisfied yet and wanted to ask me a million other things. But he didn't say a thing, only to me stay in bed. When I saw myself alone again, I tried to understand what had happened. I was confused and anxious, just as when I forced to remember what happened on HYDRA's labs. I was scared.

During the last year, I avoided those memories, just as much as all the rest, but now they ran into me while I was running and all that feeling of fear and pain... It felt like they were chocking me.

"I'm not a fan of this kind of food, but I think we deserve a tasty breakfast after our morning..." - Steve came back to the room, talking out loud and bringing some snacks. - I'm sorry, I woke you up." - He patted his own forehead.

"I... I needed to be woken up." - I answered, giving him room to sit beside me on the bed. - "What were you saying; you're not a fan of...?"

"These baked little things," - He offered me some. - "Were you having a nightmare?"

I nodded a shy 'yes' and he smiled with the corner of his lips, trying to comfort me. I always hated to admit that I had nightmares, even when I knew everyone in the alley where I used to sleep had heard my screams; but admit it to Steve wasn’t so bad.

"I think I need you here to sleep well..." - I muttered, looking down. Steve's presence calmed me down and I had an impression that it had always been like this. He started to mess my hair, slowly. He didn't seem worried, just careful; it was good. He was all cute with me, taking those little baked things to my mouth and playing, distracting me from my nightmare.

"Are you feeling better now?" - Steve asked, still petting my hair, and I answered with a nod, trying to look convincing. - "We have only more two hours before we have to go out again..." - He complained to the clock. - "Time couldn't just stop?"

"I think we've spent enough time stopped in time..." - I said, sitting to be face to face with him. - "Now, I think we have to... Enjoy time."

"Hum... And, by enjoy, you mean..."

 I laughed and pulled him to a kiss. It wasn't an anxious kiss, it was almost desperate. I wanted to remember everything about Steve, wanted desperately to be everything he wanted me to be. I lost my fingers on Steve's beautiful blond hair while making our kiss deeper. Felt his arms over my shoulders, embracing my neck and bringing me closer. We were forced to separate our lips when we got out of breath. Steve tried to speak something but only a sensual moan came out when he felt my kisses on his neck. While I hid my face between his head and his chest, he was slipping his hands under my shirt.

It all happened in a second; with only one move, he ripped of my shirt and started to kiss my chest. I did the same, throwing his own piece of clothing on a corner of the room. Steve was perfectly positioned over my lap, completely stuck on me. I slightly scratched his back, which made him moan passionately and come violently kiss my mouth, breathless.

"Ah... Steve..." - I swallowed in panic. - "Steve, no."

“'No' what?" – Without a word, I slowly pushed him away. I could see his confusion staring back at me, uncertain of what I was doing.

"I'm sorry, Steve... It's just that... I don't know if I can... I don't want to turn this moment down... Make a mistake and ruin everything..." - His hands slipped down my chest; seemed that he had understood what I meant. -  "I'm sorry..."

"That's okay..." - He said in the end. - "I'm just... Gonna need a cold bath after this..."

Steve laughed and gave me a relaxed quick kiss, but he didn't get up. Just stayed there, lying over me, same way he did on that first night we spent together; He rested his head on my chest. - "Hey, Steve?" - I asked, stroking his cheek carefully.

"Just give a few seconds, okay?" - Steve answered playful, but he didn't back off. It was my time to laugh and then push him gently to lie on his back, placing my body right above his and skimming(???) the tip of my nose from his chest to the curve of his neck, laying there a kiss.

"I'm starting to think that you really came here to kill me, Bucky..." - Steve moaned, gently messing the back of my hair.

"Silly. I'm not saying 'never'. I just need more time. And now, I think I'm going to take that cold bath you're talking about..." - We kissed one more time and I left him on the bed, going to the shower. The cold water really helped on calming down my nerves, it really needed peace; the past few days had been too much for me.

"Bucky, I'm leaving a towel for you on the door, okay?"

"'kay, thanks." - I said. Even just Steve's voice was a huge turn on for me. I really wanted that, but I wasn't sure if I was capable of... I had spent so many years living by someone else's orders, wishes and wills as the Winter Soldier that I wasn't sure about anything; not even myself.

When I felt completely calmed, I turned the water off and wrapped the towel around my waist, coming out of the bathroom like that.

"You're doing this 'cause you're mean." - Steve shook his head, closing the door of the bathroom to take his own shower.

He had left clothes for me to change. I put on the jeans and a fancy shirt, rearranged the sheets over the bed, took the rest of our breakfast back to the kitchen and took the clothes we left on the floor to the laundry. Steve got out of the bath exactly like I did and it was my turn to think that he was trying to kill me.

"You're feeling like going out?" - He asked while dressing and my answer was absolutely yes. Vexed, he finished putting his clothes on and pulled me to go outside again. The place where Maria Hill and I combined to meet up was a restaurant I had no idea how to find, but Steve guided me. We got there exactly on time and the woman was already there, sitting alone in one of the tables.

Not even by far she was what I pictured of a Special Agent. I had no other idea of what she could be, but definitely, on my imagination, S.H.I.E.L.D. would never look like that.

"Good afternoon, Cap." - She got up to shake hands with Steve. - "Sergeant Barnes."

"Ma'am."

"I hope you haven't yet had lunch. The steak here is great." - She smiled, sitting back and inviting us to do the same. For the expression on Steve's face, it was pretty obvious that he wasn't buying that friendly talk. Apparently, S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't inspire much trust on him as I had thought. Well, he had a lot of good reasons. - "I should understand that, by coming today, you accepted our offer." - She wasn't asking. On that instant, I realized that, even though she didn't look like it, that woman was the entire company. _Our_ offer... Even Steve looked at her with respect.

I nodded and she smiled friendly. Differently from the other S.H.I.E.L.D. members I met before (and by that, I mean Barton and Natasha), something on her inspired some confidence, but, after everything I had been through, it didn't mean a thing.

"I'm aware that Agent Romanoff already asked you these questions, but I need to make a report, so... I hope you understand." - I answered with a nod. So, she had spoken with Natasha about me, cool. Steve probably thought that too, 'cause he shook his head, upset; I just thought it was funny that my comeback had been passed by Telephone on S.H.I.E.L.D.

"When did you come back?"

"To USA? A few years ago, I'm not sure. _They_ didn't feel obligated to inform me where we were, or when. I came back to St..." - I thought twice. - "I met Steve again two days ago."

"Right. Do you have any remembrance of the events related to _Insight_ Project, last year?"

"My mission was to eliminate two phase 6 targets before they ruined the release of the hellicarriers. But I have no idea of what _Insight_ was..." - To call Steve "phase 6 target" made fell angry. How did I get so close to kill him without even knowing?

“Well, you did a little more than chase your two targets.”  - She commented; her smile lost a bit of that friendly air. – “You were responsible for the death of Director Fury…”

“He didn’t die!” – Steve intervened angry. I started to wonder how many of those people surrounding us were S.H.I.E.L.D. agents; no one turned to see why he had yelled.

“Circumstantial.” – Hill replied, calmly. That was exactly what made me get a little nervous; she was _too_ calm. – “The fact is that there was a shot. And he was the one who pulled the trigger.”

I sighed. “You know, lady, I don’t expect you to trust me. But I want you to know that I _only_ pulled the trigger. I didn’t know who I was shooting, or why; It wasn’t my business…” – For a second, she stared me same way Natasha did day before. Uncomfortably. 

“I’m not saying that you’re guilty of anything, Barnes. If I had that suspect, believe me, we wouldn’t be here. I know you’re a victim of HYDRA. What happens is that you’ve been hostage of that ideology for a very long time. Have you ever heard about Stockholm syndrome?” - I had the impression that Steve held his breath the same second she said that. I denied with my head. – “It’s when a victim identifies with its captors after a long time being in contact with them.” – She explained. – “I think we can agree that fifty years are a perfect definition of ‘long time’.”

I understood why Steve was holding himself: that had been one terrible thing to say. But I kept calm, opened three buttons of the shirt I was wearing and showed her the edge between my shoulder and the metal arm. That was barely human, a great answer to what she said. – “You can be damn sure I’ll _never_ understand what HYDRA did. And I’ll surely never _identify_ with them.”

            Hill didn’t say a word, but, for what I knew about facial expressions, she had liked my little speech. At least.

            “And from before? Do you remember anything from your life with them?”

“It’s exactly what I said to Agent Romanoff. I recall some protocols, some places I’ve been… Lots of snow. But when I wasn’t in duty… Well, they turned me off.”

“Turn you off? How?”

“Well, I have some theories, but… As I said, I was switched off; there’s no way to know.”

The whole idea of being “switched off” wasn’t funny, but saying it out loud made it sound stupid; hopefully she didn’t feel the same. A waiter brought our lunch and I had no idea of who had ordered.

“What happened to you? Do you have any theory about that?”

“Nobody cared enough to tell me anything.” – I shook my head. – “I just know that, one day, I had this” – I showed the arm. – “And I don’t even remember what day was it… It’s not much of a theory…”

Hill cut a piece of meat on her plate and started to eat casually, as if that was a regular business lunch. While she was chewing, though, the woman cast a meaningful look to Steve that I could not translate.

“May I ask you something that might sound uncomfortable, Sergeant?”

I arched my eyebrows; that entire interview was very uncomfortable. – “Sure.”

“Did you accept this offer seeking for revenge?” – Steve’s head turned to face me too, waiting for an answer. Perhaps he was expecting me to say something about wanting to stay with him and being his sidekick, which would be a little too embarrassing.

“No.” – I finally said, trying to keep cool. – “I accepted because this organization is called ‘S.H.I.E.L.D.’ for a reason. And I intend to follow this reason, no matter where it takes me. ‘Cause I was _saved_ by this reason and I’ll do the impossible to keep it safe.” – It was pretty clear that my reason was Steve; if my speech wasn’t plain enough, the way I was looking at him probably was. Both times I’ve been in HYDRA’s hands, he did the impossible to save me. He risked his own life to go after me. I didn’t care of showing all the gratitude in my answer: I wouldn’t be a ‘SH.I.E.L.D. agent’, no, not at all. I’d be Steve’s.

“Very good answer, Agent.” – Hill congratulated, smiling friendly again. Scary woman. – “I’d have taken a ‘yeah’ but, I guess, if every other agent had motivations as strong as yours, maybe some problems could have been avoided…

Steve stifled an ironic laugh, or at least that was what it sounded. Somehow, all the tension at our table seemed to evaporate and the weight on my chest left. I even felt like I could eat.

“Well, let’s get down to business, shall we?” – She took a folder out of her purse and place it over the table. It wasn’t a private place, not a place to discuss a mission, which made me almost sure that all the people around us were inside people. I couldn’t help but thinking that it was very different from what HYDRA used to do…

“Your first mission as an Agent, here it is. Some important and classified files were taken during the commotion last year. For some reason, those files weren’t disclosed by the thieves, but we can only be thankful for that. It’s just a matter of time.” – I took the briefcase and looked the first file inside. It was an inventory of pieces that S.H.I.E.L.D. kept in possession.

“I thought that all the files of S.H.I.E.L.D. had been released in internet by Agent Romanoff.” – Steve said.

“ _Some_ files were; those ones on board of the Lemurian Star. But these ones here” – She showed the report I had in hands. – “Weren’t. We don’t keep all our eggs on only one basket, Cap. We have the policy, Captain Rogers, to keep guarded all that would cause panic in the population.

“And I believe this here would cause a lot of panic.” - I closed the folder and kept it under my arms on the table.

“So you know how important is to get these files back. We believe that who stole it aims to blackmail the ones who have the piece. In this case…”

“HYDRA.” – I completed and Hill nodded. – “Without the _piece_ , recovering the files won’t serve you of anything.”

“Panic won’t serve us anything.” – Hill answered, concerned. – “HYDRA doesn’t know yet that we know they have the piece. Or this is what we hope, at least. Having these files released would end with any chance of recovering. If they know, panic sets in and goodbye world order.”

“Sounds like a dramatic end.” – I commented and she agreed. – “When do I start?”

“Tonight. Our thieves are planning to sail away tonight, midnight to be precise. As you said, dramatic. Italians have this tendency.”

“Italians?” – Steve asked.

“Yes, Captain Rogers. S.H.I.E.L.D. has enemies all around the world; and some of them have the nasty habit of allying. So, do you think you can handle it, Barnes?”

I handed the folder and smiled. – “Consider it done, ma’am”.

“To be honest, I thought I’d have to talk about your payment to convince you.” – Hill told me in confession tone, sounding like a human being for the first time.

“I didn’t come here for the money, ma’am.” – I replied and noticed that her gaze went between Steve and me, but didn’t say anything, just smiled.

“You know, Cap.” – She started again. – “usually the standard procedure wouldn’t allow me to do _that_. But I don’t think the standard procedure applies to this task… Could you accompany Agent Barnes as his supervisor?

I looked at Steve and he looked at me, using that Golden Retriever face again. I wanted to laugh, laugh hard and out loud; but now he was my _supervisor._

“If he agrees with it.” – Steve shook his head.

“So, I guess it’s all settled.” – I agreed, _obviously_. Agent Hill repeated once more time, place and targets, more out of obligation than caution. The years as the Winter Soldier guaranteed that I’d need to hear my mission only one time. – “We gonna get them at the sea; it’s easier to control the wireless network.” – She explained but I still didn’t understand. – “You’ll come down from a plane just above the ship. I think you can explain this part better than me, Steve.”

Finished negotiations, the three of us left the restaurant and she took a different turn. Without saying a thing, Steve took my hand and pulled me in the opposite direction

“Are we going somewhere in particular, Steve?”

“There’s a place here I wanted you to meet. We can have dessert there.”- He shrugged. – “And I also want to talk to you.”

I let him guide me, a little afraid of what he might want to talk. We just stopped when the way was blocked with small tables.

“Let’s have a sit.” – Steve indicated a table, as he was sitting too. – “Are you already regretting having accepted the offer?”

“Are you really expecting me to regret? Even after the reasons I gave you and Agent Hill?”

A waitress came closer and greeted Steve a little too excited. While he was ordering some desert, I noticed that she kept staring him with bright eyes. When she went back to the inside of the coffee house, I said:

“I don’t know if I like the way this girl looks at you…” – He laughed. – “I am serious.”

“Don’t distract me! I'm talking about a serious matter here.”

“You were asking me if I was regretful for accepting the job and I said no; thought that we could start a new subject… My mistake.”

He laughed again, shaking his head. – “You’re still the same joker, huh?” – I smiled to hear those words. – “But, okay. Tell me about the mission, _Agent._ ”

“Haha, _Agent,_ I could get used to that... Well, the mission consists on recovering some files about… I don’t know if it can be considered a steal. S.H.I.E.L.D. had an artifact in hands and now it’s with HYDRA.”

“What was it?”

“A wand or something... A scepter.” – I answered and Steve went white as paper. – “What? Do you know what this is about?”

“Loki’s scepter? The one we took in New York three years ago?”

“The report said that Agent Romanoff had taken it in New York. It’s probably that’s the one. Any idea of what this thing might do?”

“Destroy the whole world, in the best scenario.” – He sighed. – “How could they lose it?”

“The report didn’t explain that part but no one had idea that HYDRA was infiltrated in S.H.I.E.L.D., we can imagine what happened…” – The waitress came back with two cups of hot coffee and two pieces of chocolate cake.

“Here it is, Captain. Hope you like it.” – She didn’t even look at me; her eyes were all to Steve. When he smiled back, embarrassed, the girl left.

“She’ll be there, staring at you and drooling…” – I complained, rolling my eyes. – “I _definitely_ don’t like the way she looks at you…”

“Leave the girl alone, Bucky…” – Steve laughed, sipping his cup of coffee. – “Why did they send you after those files?”

“You were there; Agent Hill used the word _panic_ a few times… The disclosure of the existence of a scepter that can destroy the world _in the best scenario_ and the fact that this weapon is with the bad guys… It’s a very good reason to send someone to rescue the files.”

Before he could say anything, the girl came back once more, bringing a small box with sugar and sweeteners.

“Ah, excuse me, Ally.” – Steve caught her arm gently and I thought she would faint. I don’t know what made me angrier: her expression or that lovely “Ally” he said.

“Yes, Captain?”

“Could you bring one of those dulce de leche muffins, please?” – He bit the lower lip, looking at me. – “Only one, please.”

            “Oh, of course.” - She walked away to the counter and brought the muffin on a plate, moving away then.

“What are you planning to do, Rogers?” – I asked but he just smiled and bit half of the muffin, offering me the other half. When I held up my hand to take it, Steve pulled it away and took the sweet to my mouth himself.

“I’m ending with your complaints and with her looks at once. Now, open your mouth.” – I laughed and did what he said. It was an odd situation, but I couldn’t deny it made me happy.

“You probably broke the dreams of a poor little girl into pieces, Steve.” – I said, with my mouth full of a sweet and delicious taste.

“She will survive… Now, do you think you can talk about the mission without getting distracted, please?”

“Right, right.” – I hit salute. – “What’s left to say?”

“Why they didn’t send you after the scepter instead of the files? Would be more useful…”

“Because they don’t know where the thing is. After Agent Romanoff handed it, it was took by an official to a secret base and no one heard about it again... Your ex-girlfriend is hiding behind the balcony, crying… It kinda makes me feel bad…”

“Shut up.” – Steve replied. – Against how many will we be?”

“Two dozen of thugs and two protectors agents with some technique. Nothing exceptional.”

“It’s enough people.” – He took the cup to his mouth and I did the same.

“What? Do you think you can’t handle it?”

“I could handle it _alone_. But it’s your first mission, can _you_ handle it?” – I rolled my eyes.

“Will you play this game just to lose again, Steve? Really, I think you like to lose to me…

It was Steve’s turn to roll the eyes and I realized that I loved that expression on that face. I smiled back to him and couldn’t look away for a while.

“What is it?” – He asked, holding my gaze.

“I’m just… Looking at you. It’s kinda hard to believe that it’s really happening. All this, you know?”

“Yeah, I know…” – He nodded, touching my hand gently. – “Everything seems to be… A mess, right? Well, except you and me being together now. I think things will start to settle now that we’re together.”

With Steve’s hand over mine, I felt that I could get used to anything, to that weird new world I had been thrown into, new rules, new whatever. as long as I could have Steve always by my side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This is how I imagined Hill for this chapter, and that's why Bucky couldn't believe she was a senior Agent. She looks like Robin.  
> 
> 
> Again, I want to thanks all the hits and all the notes I received on tumblr (thanks to the fanart, I know). Thank you very much!


	9. Explosive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In the middle of the sea. Exploded by the previous employer… At least Steve was with me. 
> 
> This wouldn't be a good thing if we were about to die.."
> 
> *Graphic Depictions Of Violence on this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear readers :)  
> I'm sorry for any eventual grammar error, I am tired.

We paid the bill and left a generous tip for the crying waitress. After our dessert date, we even got time to do some shopping and find me some clothes, which ended up being funnier than productive.

“It’s always like this with S.H.I.E.L.D.?” – I asked on our way back home, finally putting in words what was bothering me. – “They throw the mission on your face with nothing only a few hours before and… ‘See you there!”?

“Yeah… Usually is just like that… Sometimes you don’t even have the hours… But you get used with time, don’t worry.” – By the way he was talking, I had the slight impression that Steve didn’t _really_ believe that. I tried to look confident but that entire situation was starting to piss me off. Not that I had _identify_ with them, but I was more used to HYDRA’s ways…

I pulled my thoughts away from Hydra at the time we walked in the apartment.I put the bags with my new clothes in a corner of the room, while Steve was lying down on bed, shirtless again. I took mine off too, playing the same dirty game he was doing.

“What do we do now?” – I asked, lying by his side and lacing our fingers.

“I know I won’t let you do _this_ to me again.” – He turned on bed, with his face to me. – “At least not before a mission…”

“C’mon… When we’re back then?” – I teased. After the panic and fear of this morning went away, I realized how stupid was trying to resist my feelings… Steve was so damn adorable that I had to be a Super Soldier to resist him.

“You’re a jerk.” – I gave him a small kiss. – “I’m serious, Bucky.” – He continued after I separated our lips. – “I won’t let you do this to me. C’mon, get up! I’m thinking about relax punching a sandbag; wanna join me?”

We got ready to go out again. Steve really didn’t want to stay in with or he was really determinated not to fall into temptation. Even though it was funny to watch him avoiding to walk too close to me, I felt a very guilty for his state.

The gym where Steve said he spent most of his time was totally private. A place set up by S.H.I.E.L.D. to look like an old gym, so he wouldn’t feel so out of time. It was huge and well equipped, only two blocks from his house.

“I’m the only one who uses it.” – He explained, facing the floor. – “No one ever came here before… Except for Fury, but he doesn’t count.”

“So, am I the first person you bring here…? What an honor!” – I couldn’t help the smile and Steve blushed like a teenager. So. Fucking. Adorable.

“Make yourself comfortable.” - He indicated the space with the head. – “You must be rusty after the past year. So take it easy, ‘kay?”

I answered with an ironic smile and watched Steve take a professional sandbag with only one hand and start a really violent sequence of punches against it. Such a show-off... Seconds later and I was doing exactly the same thing, just a few feet far from him. Despite of his jokes, I wasn’t rusty, not even a bit; I started to hit the bag with my eyes closed, forcing my memories to not come back, not now, not like they did when I was running… I had to learn how to control those reactions or could put at risk our mission.

A loud crash woke me from the trance and my eyes ran to Steve. The support of his bag had been broken by a very strong punch. Not even my metal arm had been capable to do such damage. – “Is that all rage of me, Cap?” – Steve turned his eyes to me and I could notice how euphoric he was. – “I’m not provoking, it’s just that… If you want to hit me, you could at least give me the chance to hit you back...”

“As your _boyfriend_ ” – Damn, it sounded even better coming out of his mouth! – “I have no interest on hitting you. And as your supervisor, I must ensure your physical well-being. You need to be on your feet for tonight.”

“Just take it easy on me.” – I winked and he laughed. – “Oh, c’mon. Just a few rounds, I want to see if my back will be well protected on our mission.”

Steve rarely did something stupid – nothing that I could remember. He usually thought well about his actions and its consequences before actually doing it; even when it was a really stupid idea (enlisting, for example), there was always some thought behind of it. He wasn’t an impulsive guy… Except when it had to do with me. Then, Steve was as dumb and as impulsive as me.

Even though he was the only one who used that gym, there was a wrestling ring in perfect conditions. – “When we were children” – he said as we got on the ring. – “we used to play fight. Who’d say that we would meet in a real ring one day?”

Steve smiled to the remembrance and I felt like I should smile too. I thought about how we used to look like when we were children; my memories were still a mess, but I knew there was something to remember.

“Are you ready?”- I asked, with closed fists, leaning on his. Just as when we had our first kiss, I had no clue of how to start it and Steve took the initiative, making me fall with a super quick move.

 “Too slow”. – He shot me a cocky smile. I got up with a jump and went all over him, and Steve dodged my strokes, counterattacking with an amazing technique. As the speed of the fight rose, the tension between us started to crash me down. I noticed that Steve was getting a little too excited and becoming a little more violent; I wasn’t being delicate either. I completely lost track of time while I was escaping his punches; it felt like we were the only two people in the world.

With another fucking fast move with his legs, Steve took us both to the floor and rolled with me well attached between his legs, almost in a choreographed way, ending with his knees around my waist and his body over mine. – “You’re mine, Barnes.” – His hands held my fists just like I had done when we first kissed. He lowered his face and gave me a small kiss.

In this little moment of distraction, I pushed him and rolled over his body, managing to reverse our positions. – “And you’re fucking mine, _Rogers_ ” – I repeated and it made him laugh. My desire was screaming: I wanted to fuck Steve right there, in the middle of that ring. Lose my fingers through his hair, feel his skin against mine, drown into his perfume, satisfy all my needs on that body and give in to each and every impulse that was driving me crazy.

But I wasn’t completely sure that I _could_ do it and that idea was driving me crazier. I wanted to have sex with him so bad that I couldn’t bear with the idea of failing it.

“You’re going to stay still here or…” – Steve asked, still lying on the floor; he’s eyes were defying me to do everything that was going on my imagination. The fact that he wanted it too just made my angst bigger… I couldn’t fail Steve. So I let him go and fell by his side, exhausted, more mentally than physically.

“I think I’m gonna need another cold shower.” – I admitted. Steve laughed and got up, offering his hand; I resisted the will of pulling him back to the floor and accepted.

“Feel free to take your shower.” – He answered, teasing me. – “Consider this a revenge for this morning…”

“Oh, I will.” – I tried to sound funny, but the biological reactions that ‘revenge’ left my body a little anesthetized. Steve left me numb.

            We head back to home and the sky was already dark. I wondered for how long Steve and I were torturing ourselves in the ring.

            “Go take you bath, Soldier.” – Steve said in a tone of order. – “And then go to the kitchen. I’ll make us dinner, ‘kay?”

            “I’m ‘Soldier’ again? I thought I had been promoted to ‘Agent’…” – I complained for fun.

            “‘Agent’, ‘soldier’... - He shrugged as saying ‘doesn’t matter’. – You’re _mine_ and I’ll call you whatever I want. Now go shower.”

I laughed and hit salute. While I was taking my shower, I went over all the moment of that odd day; it felt like ten. Everything I couldn’t do last years, I was living now: jogging, go lunch outside, training, relaxing with Steve, my boyfriend…In only one day, I felt like my life had been given back to me.

I let the water fall over my body, relaxing my tension and preparing me for the upcoming mission. I was nervous but, at the same time, I couldn’t wait for going back to field. And even more for kick someone related to HYDRA right in the ass.

I got out of the shower and went to the kitchen. Steve was there, shirtless, sitting at the table; I sat in front of him and we had a quiet dinner. I wondered if he was as nervous as me.

“You didn’t get a S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform?” – Steve asked, taking our dishes to the sink.

“Uniform is not much my style…” – I said and he arched his eyebrows, skeptical. The last time we saw each other, that day I fell off the train, I was wearing a uniform. – It’s not my style _anymore_.”

I noticed that Steve was wearing the pants of his S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform, dark blue; he looked very good on it, although I liked more his Captain America uniform.

“You’re not going on a mission on your sweatpants.” – He said categorical.

“I wasn’t planning to do _that_ , Steve.” – I replied. – “If you don’t remember, I _do have_ a mission outfit. Bullet proof and very practical.”

“The Winter Soldier uniform.” – Steve muttered. – “Do you still have it?”

            “I kept it; could be useful someday.” – I answered nodding. – “And it will be now.” – Steve looked at me for a second as if I had screamed ‘HAIL HYDRA’ in the middle of the room; but then he relaxed. – “I’ll use it till I get my uniform.” – I promised and he shook his head.

“A uniform doesn’t mean anything… And I think you look very hot on it.” – Steve laughed shyly. – “But without the mask.”

“You broke my mask.” – I had just a vague memory of that episode.

“I really hated that mask.” – He replied. We were very close, Steve’s hands touched my skin on the moment he embraced my waist; I felt him stroking my back over the shirt. When I turned my head to face him, Steve gave me that smile that he knew could drive me crazy. I kissed his lips and let my hands ran through his naked and well-defined chest., the tips of my fingers drawing the way to his back, bringing him closer, making our kiss deeper. Blindly, I guided us to the couch and he fell over me.

Or kiss was getting deeper and hotter, our bodies were screwing on that heat; my senses were confused and all I could see was Steve. I took my shirt off and Steve kissed my chest and my nipples, brushing his lips all over me, stoking even more my desire. My hands slipped over his body and reached his pants, forcing it down. Damn, I could feel him hard as rock against me…

And then… Steve pulled his mouth from my belly and stopped his hands, which were ready to rip my pants away.

“What is it?” – I asked when he stopped, placing my hands over his tense shoulders.

“As your supervisor… I can’t do this before we go out on mission. No matter how much... I want to. The car is going to get here in tem minutes and... I’m pretty sure we’ll need more time.”

“No.” – I stared him, totally unbelieving. – “You’re not doing this. You’re kidding me…” – I pulled him back up, kissed his lips repeatedly, sticking my hand into his pants. Steve started laughing, trying in vain to resist me, both of his hands over my chest, caressing my nipple and saying my name.

“Bucky… Bucky. No.” - He pulled away and stood up.

“Is this pay back? ‘Cause already had one.” – I complained, still lying o the couch, covering my eyes with my good arm.

“Why would I do that?” – Steve answered with a smile and I snorted. – “Hey, I’m not saying ‘never’. I’m just asking for a time.” – He repeated my excuse, ironic. I uncovered my face and shot him my coldest gaze, threatening in silence. Steve was way stronger than I thought.

When I recovered my control, went back to the room to put on my outfit and Steve finished to put his. If incomplete was good, complete the S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform was perfect. I stared him for few long seconds, which didn’t go unnoticed.

“When we come back, Captain” – I said when I bumped into Steve in the hallway. – “You won’t escape me.”

“I won’t even try…” – He answered biting his lower lip.

When the car arrived, exactly one hour before the thieves’ ship leave, Steve and I got totally focused on the mission, or we pretended very well. We were driven to a hangar, where an official small plane was waiting for us. So was Agent Maria Hill.

“Good night, Captain. Agent Barnes.” – She greeted us. – “We’re gonna take flight in half an hour. Hope you don’t mind waiting.”

“Is it confirmed that the files are on board?” – I asked. – “And that there won’t be anyone to attack us by surprise?”

“Yes, the files are there. And our secret service didn’t see anyone beyond the twenty-six men that were on the report. It will get in, get it, and get the hell out.”

“And beat anyone on our way.” – Steve completed, impatient and Hill nodded. The mission was so ridiculously simple that kinda offended me. ‘Get it and get out’ wasn’t much of thing, but I decided to shut up and do whatever I was told.

“Barnes” – Hill called me out, sounding friendly again. – “If you prefer, we have a uniform for you.”

“I’m fine. If there’s no problem, I prefer to stay with this one.”

“Sure.” – She answered, calmly. Hill was the only who one who came talk to me; the others seemed to be happy to look me from afar, almost in fear. Even though I wanted them to trust me and that was the completely opposite reaction, it was interesting to cause a little fear. It made me feel… Confident.

“We’re going up.” – A man called us from inside of the plane; Steve, Hill and I got up on board. It took a few minutes more to turn it on and then, half an hour past midnight, we started to follow the ship.

While we were waiting for our moment, Steve and I sat, me on the floor and he over some supplies. Without actually noticing it, we held hands discreetly.  Steve’s fingers clung to mine firmly and I squeezed them gently.

“You’re going to jump any moment soon.” – Agent Hill said and after a while in silence, she added: - “You know, Steve… You’re going to make a lot of girls in the office cry…”

“What..?” – Steve asked, surprised by the comment, till realize that she was looking to our hands together. – “Oh, shut up.”

Despite of his little outbreak, Steve didn’t let go of my hand, neither did I. We only did it when someone told us to get ready to jump. An agent gave me a parachute while the doors were opened to the dark night. When I turned to check our communication, I noticed that Steve wasn’t in the plane anymore.

“Did he…” – I indicated the empty space where Steve should be. – “jump without a parachute?”

“He does that all the time.” – Hill answered. I jumped too, trying not let my anger affect my abilities. Okay, he was Captain America, but he was still a fucking human being and couldn’t go jumping out of planes like that. I could punch him for being so reckless.

“I’m in.” – I heard a voice coming from the little equipment attached to my ear. – Are coming?”

“I’m here already.” – I answered. – “Did you find someone?”

“Nobody. The desk is empty.”

“The files are supposed to be on a room at the east wing. Someone should be guarding it… Keep your eyes open; there’s something strange here.”

I walked some steps through the east wing, expecting an attack. Apparently, the ship was empty, nothing like what I had pictured. Saw something moving in the end of the hallway that cut the deck in two; I hid in the shadows and walked towards it.

“Cap?” – I asked quietly and the figure answered me. – “Did you see something?”

“Nope. This is a ghost ship.” – He said. – “Maria, there’s definitely something wrong down here. Can you see someone on the radar?”

A long instant of silence and a ‘clic’. Steve looked at me worried and tried my own communicator. It didn’t work. We were alone.

“They knew we were coming.” – he complained.

“Let’s go down. There might be some trap down there.” – I commented. The ship had three floors; I really thought it was stupid to keep our target on the first one.

“And what are we gonna do? Fall on the trap?”

“Exactly.”

After double checking the east wing room, we went down stairs to the second floor, as empty as the first. Except for a distant figured, leaning on a wall. When we approached, the figure turned out being the corpse of one of the thugs, left there to trick us.

“Damn” – I muttered. – “This is worse than I thought. There’s someone on board.”

“Someone sick.” – Steve added and he was damn right. The corpse was grossly mutilated. – “Let’s go down.”

II couldn’t show weakness, it was my first mission, but I wanted to ask Steve to stay up there, find another task and let me go down on my own. I was pretty sure that  we’d see something awful on the lower floor and didn’t want it for him…

But he was Captain America, so I shut myself up and we went down together. Of course, all of my fears became true. Twenty five fallen bodies, all mutilated and bloody. On a wall, a salute written in bloody red: ‘Hail HYDRA’. In the middle of the mess of corpses, there was a tiny device, smaller than anything I’ve seen, placed over a metal box.

“The pen drive.” – Steve recognized and looked at me. – “Why did they leave it behind?”

“Because they already know that S.H.I.E.L.D. knows; that’s their message. And they don’t need it. No one blackmails HYDRA.” – We walked through the bodies to reach the device; I took it and right under it, there was a red countdown, in 10… 9…

“Bomb” – I yelled and grabbed Steve’s arms, pulling him upstairs. We ran, but not fast enough; before the bomb exploded, I hid the files inside my clothes. We reached the deck and then… BOOM. Everything above our feet blew up.

In the middle of the sea. Exploded by the previous employer… At least Steve was with me. (This wouldn't be a good thing if we were about to die...)

I saw his shield coming between us and the explosion, on the exact second we were threw out of the ship. I felt salt water against my face and everything became dark... I couldn’t… breath…

“Bucky? Bucky!” – Steve’s voice pulled me out of darkness. – “You’re not going to die, do you hear me? Not again, not on my watch. Damn, where’s that fucking plane?” – It was so strange to see him cursing... – “Bucky? Are you hearing me? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” – He put me on his shoulders and we were face to face. I noticed that he was bleeding. – “Are you?”

A light beam cut the sky and we could see the S.H.I.E.L.D. plane looking for us. Before it finds us, though, Steve brought our lips together in despair. I tasted the blood of his mouth in our kiss and wondered if I was bleeding too. We got pulled back to the plane on a bizarre rescue mission, in which I had to cling on his waist to be saved.

“What happened?” – a male voice asked.

“HYDRA. They’ve been on the ship before...” – I held my head up in time to see Agent Hill’s face become pale.

“Our service didn’t see anyone suspect coming in...” – She apologized. - “Did you find anyone in there?”

“No. But it was someone outside the thieves.... They were all dead...” – My stomach lurched with the image of those dead bodies. – “But your files... are here.” – I opened my outfit and took the device completely dry out of there.

“You succeed on saving it.” – She sounded surprised. – “Well congratulations, you two.”

“‘Congratulations’, is all you have to say?!” – Steve got angry. – “We almost died down there! This is...”

“Steve, I’m sorry.” – Hill interrupted. – “We lost communication, something cu tour signal. And I can personally assure you that there were none strange activity during our observation. Please, I am sorry.”

My eyes ran from Steve to her, expecting some reaction as explosive as the bomb  that almost killed us. But Steve didn’t say a word, just glared at her and it seemed to scare Hill even more than if he had actually yelled. I had no idea of what I should do. I wasn’t angry with her; my first mission had been a total disaster and even then, I had been congratulated and, more important, had been _saved_. The experience I had with HYDRA, that hellicarrier, ended up with me falling off the sky stuck on the wrecks. To be saved, for me, never was an option.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found this fanart, made by [marty-mc](http://marty-mc.tumblr.com/) , and it made me feel so 'awnn'. And it kinda reminds me of when they kiss in the sea. Cute!  
> All credits to the artist!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	10. Out of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bucky…” 
> 
> “No kidding now, Steve”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I decided to do things a little different this time and post the 10th chapter as a gift for Valentine's day for all my Starbucks lovers.
> 
> I know I'm a little late, but I hope you guys like it.

Steve looked up to me once or twice during the trip back. He seemed nervous and angry, exactly how a normal person should be. I tried to smile to reassure him but I failed. When the car stopped in front of his building it was already the middle of the dawn; I wondered if he would still be in the mood to finish our previous matter.

We went upstairs in absolute silence. He unlocked the door, pushed me inside, and closed it with a slam that could wake the entire neighborhood up. We started to kiss without a word, passionately, and I could still taste the blood and salt water on his mouth.

As his arms closed around my waist, my hands slid through his neck to reach his nape and deepen our kiss with a violent pull. I felt his fingers untying the ropes of my uniform; when he finished, I let it fall on the living room floor and pulled the top of his outfit off, throwing it away. We walked to the room, kissing and bumping into stuff. I scratched the skin of his back, pressing with the tips of my fingers while he kissed my neck. Steve fell on his back over the bed and I got over him, feeling his excitement against my body

“Bucky…” – he whispered and I buried my face on the curve of his neck, forcing his pants down.

“No kidding now, Steve” – I answered out of breath and Steve moaned, also pulling my pants off. My lips went down on his throat, passing through his shoulders, chest and stopping on his belly, drawing a trail of kisses. I took off his last pieces of clothing and Steve did the same for me. Seeing him, all him, like that pushed all the sanity that kept me on Earth away…

Before we got started, I was afraid of hurting him; I didn’t want my inexperience of my hurry to cause him pain. While Steve scratched my chest, I tried to imagine how we would do that.

“Bucky… It’s okay…” – He said, kissing me. – I know you can do it.” – His hands stroke my cock a little bit, gently, making it get harder. – “Touch me…”

I obeyed, touching his butt for the very first time and taking a little moment to appreciate how soft it felt; how many times I had dreamed about squeezing that ass? I pressed it a few times, making him moan softly and stop his hands for little seconds. I separated his buttocks and my index finger found its way to his tight hole, drawing an invisible circle around it and making Steve sound sweeter than ever.

“Is that okay, Steve?” – I asked and he said yes with a nod, so I kept doing it for a while. Steve spat on his own hands to slid it on my dick, lubing it on the best way he could; that image was so damn sexy that made my cock twist. When I got completely hard, he lay back on a pillow and pulled me to stay between his opened legs; once there, I had to take a second to enjoy the view… He was just so sexy and he looked like a fucking angel.

Even though I had no idea of what I was doing, I knew for sure that I _wanted_ desperately to do. Without thinking too much, I moistened my fingers with saliva and went back on touching his hole, trying to make him relax. Steve moaned once again when he felt the tip of my middle finger massaging him.

“Are you okay?” – I asked, without stopping the circular movements around his anus.

“Yeah…” – He sighed, bitted the lower lip. I smiled, relieved. – “Can you… Finger me? Please?”

I took my finger to my mouth and made it wet again, ready to penetrate him. At first, his body tried to resist, but with a little persistence, it yielded and when the tip of my index finger touched his insides for the first time was the best sensation ever; Steve was exactly what I imagined, warm and tight, so _fucking_ tight. Gently, I put the whole finger in him and waited him to accustom with it before start moving it out of his ass, feeling the pressure of hole pulling me back in. Then I licked one more finger to fuck him, working him open to my cock.

“Oh, this is good… So good…” – Steve moaned when my fingers started to fuck him faster and a little bit harder. After a while, his muscles were stretched enough, so I started rubbing it with my dick repeatedly and his hips followed my rhythm. – “Do you want me… Turn around?”

Indeed, the position we were wasn’t the most comfortable for me, but comfortable was the last thing on my mind. – “If you want to…”

Steve smiled, raising his body to turn around over the sheets, down on his knees. Seeing him on that angle was too exciting, even if it made me nervous too. I pulled his hips closer to mine; lubed myself with more spit and whispered: - “Are you sure of this?”

Instead of answering me, Steve leaded his left hand to grab my member, throbbing with lust, and pressed it against his entrance, rubbing the tip on his sensitive skin. – “Absolutely.”

Still holding back, I started penetrating, slowly, trying to observe his body’s reactions to mine. Even after I did my best opening him, Steve was still tight, so it took me a while to put in the tip in, fearing that any fast move could hurt him. But when Steve moaned approvingly, it made me more comfortable and I pulled him closer. When our hips touched and I realized that I was completely _inside_ of him, hell I wanted to scream!

I increased the speed of our moves; Steve got up, pulling me to kiss the back of his neck. I held him by his belly, pressing gently the tensioned muscles. His hands went to scratch my back, slightly, bringing me deeper on him. He shook his hips, speeding us up to his rhythm. I turned his face to kiss me and our mouths met with urge, like water in a hot desert. I let my hands slip through his body till reach the internal part of his thighs; instinctively I started to play with his erection. Steve moaned on my lips.

Steve lost his fingers on my hair, pulling and petting at the same; writhing in pleasure right under me while I pushed his hips back and forth and covered his back with kisses, without stopping my hands around his cock.

I brushed my lips over his skin, kissing his golden hair and sensing the maddening scent of Steve’s body. He let out a short moan; I felt his dick twitching and something wet and sticky on my fingers. Steve let go of my hair and started to scratch my hair, following my hips with his.

“Bucky… Oh, Bucky…” – He sighed, letting the head fall back, lying in my shoulder. I kissed his neck, feeling his body squirm around me. – “Bucky…” – Hear Steve calling my name, out of breath, while I fucked him as hard as I could just made me desire him more. I tried to moan his name too, but only a dry, inaudible sound came out of my mouth.

My lover pulled my face to kiss my neck, controlling my moves with the hands squeezing my thighs. When I found _the_ spot inside his body, my thrusts became harder and he almost screamed, leaning on a pillow to stifle one loud moan of pleasure.

That new position allowed me to lose myself deeper on him, touching, sensing everything I always wanted. I’ve never felt so much pleasure in my life… I felt my cock tingling and Steve’s name came out from my lungs as a deaf scream. I came inside of him after a few more thrusts into it, feeling his body respond to the screaming pulsation of member.

I felt myself unmade, but in a good way. I was no longer solid; I was made of that sensation, that pleasure, and only. My heart was beating stronger and faster, almost like it was bursting; I was totally drunk with the moment, addicted to the reactions Steve awakened in my body. More I had him, more and more I wanted him. I felt all the sensations in a second, all my senses were aroused and all they sought was Steve.

Steve was still lying face down, over the pillows; I could hear his heavy breath, it kinda made me feel cocky, after he was the Super Soldier. When I let my body fall on his side, his right hand patted blindly up to my chest, resting there, accompanying my breath. – “Steve…” – I whispered with the little air left on my lungs.  Steve took a deep breath and looked up to me; his face was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, as rapt as me, with eyes half closed.

I gathered our lips in a serene kiss, bringing him to my chest, hugging him as I always wanted to, watching our breaths slowing down. Steve pulled the sheets we had kicked out of the bed and covered our naked bodies, snuggling against me, caressing my face. We didn’t say a word, there was no need; both of us knew exactly what the other was thinking. After that rough day, I felt like I needed nothing else. Not sure of who slept first, maybe it was me; we slept cuddling and naked and I couldn’t ask for anything better.

My night was peaceful and dreamless, as I wished all the nights with Steve were. Perhaps the near death experience had left me exhausted, but everything seemed to be very far, in another life. I didn’t notice I was asleep till a gentle pressure on my lips woke me up. Opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was Steve, leaning over my chest, giving kisses all over my face.

“Morning…” – He whispered on my ear and I smiled.

“Morning, sunshine. Did you sleep well?” – I asked and Steve let his mouth fall over my shoulder, in a warm and delicious kiss.

“Better than I’ve ever slept in my life. You?”

“Best night ever.” – I agreed, holding him tight; smelling his natural scent as it flooded my mind.

“What time is it?” – I turned my head away from his hairs to see the clock over the bedside table at 11 o’clock.

“Do we need to get up?” – I groaned, lazy. I _really_ didn’t want to get off that bed.

“We almost died last night. I think we deserve the whole day off…” – Steve embraced me, coming up over my body slowly, resting on my chest. He really looked like a Golden Retriever from that angle, caring and clingy. Lovely.

“What you’re thinking of?” – I asked after he left a kiss on my lips and kept staring me in silence. – “You’re looking like someone who has a plan…”

“How can anyone look like that?”

“You do.” – I said, laughing. – “Your eyes get brighter and you keep smiling.” – I really loved when he looked at me with that expression. – “What’s your plan today?”

Steve bit his lower lip, thoughtful, while his hands went down over my belly, scratching my waist. – “We still have to have breakfast…” – He answered, without stopping caressing me.

“Or lunch.” – I answered, trying to control the urges his fingers were arousing on me. I held him closer, wishing to never let it go. It was cute that we fit each other’s arms so well.

“We could do both…”

“Both? How greedy, Cap...” – I laughed and Steve gave me another quick kiss.

“After everything I got these past days… I guess I can want a little more.” – He was still over me, kissing my lips and my neck, slowly driving me crazy; he was very good on that. When Steve got completely over me, sitting on my lap, I tried to get more comfortable and pulled him into another deep kiss.

“Well, we could leave the breakfast slash lunch for later, if you feel like it…” – I suggested, hiding my face on the curve of his neck, making him shiver and moan softly. Steve lost his fingers through my hair, breathing heavily against my chest, playing with my morning boner. I had a little more practice, so I began to work him open with my fingers, pressing his entrance, enjoying his body responding to my touch. He sucked my nipple and I wanted to lose myself in him once more.

I moved my hips under him and Steve followed my lead, getting up on my lap and I could see how hard his touch left me **.** We exchanged a malicious glance and my body got filled with total impure desire; I wanted to satisfy every wish and fantasy of that man! I wanted him to look at me maliciously like that always, imagining my dick buried so deep inside of his ass; I wanted him to always wake up wanting me like that… Like I wanted him.

“Hum…” – He moaned when our intimacies touched deliciously. – “This is good, right?”

“Very…” – I sighed, closing my eyes. I felt his hands coming up and down when Steve began to masturbate us both at the same, rubbing our dicks with his saliva; he was as hard as me feeling his own fingers slipping and exciting us.

“Are you okay with that?” – Steve asked, playing on the tip of my cock with his index finger. I answered with a breathless ‘yeah’ and he kissed my cheek, my chin and finished with a long kiss on my mouth. My member twitched on his hand. – “Do you want to…”

I nodded, biting his lower lip, and received a bright smile. Same way he did it night before, Steve spat on his hand and went back on stroking my boner. – “We need to find another way to do this…” – He muttered when finished, putting me inside of him with a delicious approving moan. Concentrated on the pleasure which his ass invited me, I could not help but agree. Steve controlled the rhythm, sliding up and down on my lap, leaning back on my arms.

I kissed his chest, sucking his nipples, and scratched his back not-so-gently; every time he pulled away from me, an uncontrollable need made me bring it back, closer, deeper. His hands abandoned my hair and rested over my shoulders, leaning there to increase our rhythm and I couldn’t hold a moan which he shut with a kiss that felt more like a bite. While we kissed, his boner poked my belly and my hand traced its way to stroke it, but Steve stopped it and whispered against my lips.

“We take care of this after… Now… I want your… Attention… Right here.” – And kissed me with passion again.  I messed with the back of his annoyingly tidy hair; Steve scratched my back willing, clinging to me. When our air was gone, our mouths were forced apart, but we kept our faces together, nose to nose. Right there, in front of me, facing me while we had sex, Steve was prettiest thing ever. And when he shot me a smile, he looked even prettier.

Once again, he speed up my thrusts, pressing my nipples sensually; I felt my dick twisting inside of him and damn! I would never get used to that sensation, that ecstasy… Steve gave me another kiss, slowing down, stopping over me. I was barely breathing and every sound I could produce seemed to sound more like a fucking whimper; but anyway, I used all the energy left in my body to lay him on his back and come right on.

“Your… Turn.” – I spoke with some difficult and he laughed, still panting. I kissed his neck, his chest and went down on his so well-defined physical, caressing his pale skin with the tip of my nose till reach the intimacy of his thighs. I touched his legs, approaching my mouth to his now bloody red cock. Steve shivered when I brushed my lips on the head of it, and when I shoved him into my mouth; he put his hands on my hair and pulled it. _Not so gently._

I started to suck him slowly, trying to figure out how to do that. Those insatiable impulses were yelling for Steve and I wanted so bad to kiss him down there. I slid it on my mouth, opening my lips and sucking the tip and licking my way to the base; doing the exactly same thing going up. Steve pulled my hair with strength, moaning words that sounded like “yeah” and “fuck”, so I pressed it harder, putting half of his cock inside my mouth, doing repeated moves while sucking him, receiving scratches and hair pulling as payment.

When I ran out of air, I lifted my face to watch him and couldn’t be more satisfy with what my eyes met: eyes wide shut, mouth open, barely breathing; I caressed his belly and Steve bit his lower lip. But I was far from finishing, so I shoved him into my mouth again, more confident of what I should do, and sucked him like my life depended on that. My hands went to pinch his hard nipples while his own were pressing the back of my neck, making me go fucking nuts, tangling my hair and following the movements of my head.

He groaned something that seemed my name or a curse and came against my lips, all over my face. Pulling my hair, Steve made me stay face to face with him, still under my exhausted body, and gave me a quick kiss.

“You...” – Any word he intended to say remained unfinished. Steve just embraced my neck and lean my head to another kiss. He seemed frenzied, that kiss was madly in love and I couldn’t ever ask for more. His tongue twisted with mine in a crazy dance, fast and delicious. I got out of breath after few seconds but Steve didn’t feel the same; he didn’t push me away, just held my waist between his legs and made our kiss deeper. The suffocation was giving me a hard time but those lips were the sweetest thing possible and I felt like I could live only on that.

He separated our lips slowly, playing with the tip of his nose against mine, and I took the deepest breath I could, just in case he wanted to kiss again. Steve’s smile was the most beautiful thing in front of me, joyful and perfect.

 “I guess _now_ we can think about having breakfast” – Steve got up and looked for his clothes on the mess we had done last night. He dressed his underwear and offered the hand to pull me out of bed. - “Do you want to take a shower while I make everything up?” – He offered and I nodded. Hot water would do well, but I had zero interesting on going to the shower alone. – “For someone who was worried yesterday, you’re quite better now, huh?

 “Near death experiences have this effect on me.” – I answered and kissed again. I noticed that Steve was leading me to the bathroom during our kiss.

 “Near death experiences? Hum... I thought it was just me.” – He mourned, staring me with that Golden Retriever face. I laughed and passed my arms around his neck, pulling him to my chest. Steve turned the shower on and I wasn’t sure of what was hotter: the steaming water or Steve’s kisses on my shoulder, chest, belly…

 “Hey, Steve...” – I said softly as he ran down my body to reach the inside of my thighs. – “What are you…?” – Just like I had surprised him before, he put me into his mouth and sucked me, making my legs go wobbly. I let my head fall against the box, unable to focus on anything besides Steve and the water falling over my face. I closed my eyes and just opened when I felt a sweet pressure on my lips. My dick was still hard and sensitive from his blowjob and I didn’t know that I could come so much in only one morning.

 “I think you’re planning to kill me, Steve Rogers.” – I muttered when he brushed my wet bangs away from my face with the tips of the fingers. – “Or you find the most pleasure on making me look like this...”

Steve laughed and rubbed with soap my shoulders and my neck.

“And now you’re giving me a bath?”

“I’m taking care of you, if you don’t mind.” – He arched his eyebrows. – And I admit that it’s going to be a little hard to keep my hands off of you…” – I was pretty sure that would be _really_ hard to keep my hands off of him too. Even more when he was fucking _washing me_! – “We’re gonna end up driving each other crazy…” – Steve laughed, turning the shower off and messing up my hair. I pulled the towel and wrapped us both together. Like we should always be.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Funny thing: I wrote this chapter replaying Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" over nad over again. And now I can't even listen to the song without getting... stucky.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> To this chapter, we'll have this pretty fanart, made by [piiib](http://piiib.tumblr.com/%22). Doesn't it look amazing? Credits to the artist, of course!
> 
> And I'll do something new today, as a bonus to the Valentine's gift.  
> 
> 
> (I want to point out that unprotected sex is NOT a nice thing, 'kay? Use condoms always, Stucky will arrange some soon #superherosexisalwayssafesex)


	11. Struck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You didn’t need to know those details, Buck… At least not for now...”
> 
> “I think I’m the one who should decide this, no? Or I just changed my leash?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, this week chapter is out. Yay!  
> Sorry if I made anyone wait too long (>//

We walked to the kitchen, just staring each other’s smile in silence, and Steve took lots of food out of the refrigerator and the cupboard. It seems like we would get twenty guests for breakfast.

“Damn! We’re out of milk… I should have bought it yesterday and I forgot…” – The way he was talking, the lack of milk seemed to be a big deal. The _biggest_ deal. It kinda offended me.

“That’s okay, Steve…You seem to have lots of other things we can eat for breakfast.” – It was the best thing I could think to say.

“But I had plans… I wanted to make a special super hero breakfast for us…” – He complained. – “Do you mind wait just a few minutes while I go buy some?”

“I go with you.”

“There’s no need, I’ll make it faster as I can.” – Steve caught my hand and kissed it three times, smiling. – “Please, make yourself home, I’ll be back in a sec, okay?”

He gave me a quick kiss and went to get his precious milk. It didn’t feel good to be left alone (for the first time in the past days), even though he said to me “make myself home”. That apartment was all _him_ and being there without him was weird. That year I’ve spent alone seemed to be so far; it was almost unbearable to be far from him now… I felt like a lover in honeymoon.

I laughed at my own stupid idea and let my body fall on the couch, staring at nowhere, paying zero attention. I wanted to feel home; to look at the furniture, the paintings at the walls, the books on the bookshelf and feel like that was a life I could share with Steve. Maybe it was a lot to ask in the first days, but just like Steve, I was feeling greedy.

My eyes focused on the bookshelf; lots of books about war and about the past, most about things I didn’t know anything. But then, I recognized something: a file that was in the corner of the bookcase, as if it had been hidden. On its cover was written “ _Дело nº17_ ” in black. I took it and opened it, afraid of what I could find there. And again, my fears became true in the second I saw Bucky Barnes smiling face in an old picture, right beside the Winter Soldier’s frozen expression.

Why Steve had that? I flipped the pages sickened. Why he didn’t tell me he had that?

I wanted to throw up; felt so disgusted by those words, calling me “the Subject”. _The Subject presented reluctance_ , _the Subject began to respond positively to the Operant conditioning_ , something about an attempted escape and a successful retrieval… I couldn’t even read it without feeling a knot on my stomach. There were some reports of the arm surgery and notes about how _well_ the prosthesis work, and then I became nothing but a machine; I was only the mechanical part. Repairs on the arm and something they only referred to as “Reset” and cryogenics process…

“Here it is, Bucky!” – I heard Steve’s voice at the front door. – “I bought milk enough so we won’t have to leave this house for a long time… I was thinking about making us some pancakes, would you like it? – He came to the living room and touched my shoulder. – “Bucky? Bucky, are you alright?”

I couldn’t answer ‘cause I wasn’t sure. Was I alright?

“Since when you have this?” – I showed him the folder, gulping all the bad feelings that were trying to come up. Steve answered dazedly, or maybe I wasn’t hearing well, and for some reason his reaction made me get angrier. I backed him off. – How did you got this, Steve? Answer me!”

“Natasha. She called some favors from Kiev and got this. I needed to know what had happened to you.”

“If you already knew… Why did you ask me all those questions? When you could… Just tell me…?”

“And stuff your head with that horror story? You didn’t need to know those details, Buck… At least not for now...”

“I think I’m the one who should decide this, no? Or I just changed my leash?” - Steve turned white as paper and I regretted what I had said.

“I was only trying to protect you, Bucky. There’s nothing in there that will make you sleep better; Just more nightmares. That’s why I didn’t want you to read it.”

Suddenly, I felt weak, closing my eyes to stop the dizziness. Steve had that information hidden from me and acted like he didn’t know a thing. He heard my interview with Agent Hill , heard me yacking about the “turned off” stuff like it was nonsense and… He knew it all…

“So you read it? You knew all about this? …All the time?”

“About a year; yeah.”

“And you decided to stay in silence the past three days?” – I asked, but no accusing him. I was trying to put my head back over my shoulders and understand it all. Steve nodded. - “Did you ever think about telling me? Any minute of these days?” – This time, he remained quiet and I wanted to fight him right there. – “You thought I shouldn’t know?”

“I knew you would react like that, Buck. I knew you would freak out with all of that…”

“I’m freaking out ‘cause you fucking _lied_ to me, Steve! You lied and made me think that it was okay to not remember, it was no big deal… But now I know I’m only under observation…

“It’s no big deal for me, Bucky! I just used it to look for you try to understand what happened and find you. I _didn’t_ lie”

“Neither told me the truth!”

“You never asked me about what I knew.”

“’Cause I had no fucking idea that you fucking knew anything!”

We were yelling at each other and I was pretty sure that the entire neighborhood could listen. But honestly, I didn’t give a damn…

“Please, Bucky…I’m sorry.” – He muttered at the moment I looked away from his flawless face. – “I really am sorry.” - He stretched his arm to reach me and the touch of his hand burnt me, making me back off. – “Please…”

“I need a time… To think about everything…”

I ran through the living room to the front door, automatically dodging Steve’s arms trying to stop me. I pulled the jacket on the hanger and left, closing the door and running down stairs. Some of the neighbors were watching me from their homes, but I was too busy to care about them.

Walked down street in straight line, completely pissed and out of my mind. I knew that it was pretty damn stupid to go too far from Steve’s building, knowing that I wouldn’t know how to come back,,, But I wasn’t sure if I would want to go back after… I was really mad at Steve and he probably was mad at me too. That morning was a hell of a nightmare next to our perfect night…

Even though I understood his reasons to hide such important thing from me, I couldn’t help feeling _betrayed_. I’ve trusted him all of me, my memories, my fears… Even my body. I had given him all of me and even so…

I looked around but couldn’t recognize where I was; it didn’t bothered me yet. I kept walking straight ahead till I found a square, full of trees, empty of people; the peace of spirit I needed. I found a seat to let my body fall on and my brain started to slowly shut up.

How could I be _so_ stupid? Even knowing that Steve would never do anything to hurt me, I was still feeling that stupid pain like he had tried to murder me. And all he was trying to do was ease thing up for me… I could understand that sentiment. And there was no point on trying to deny that Steve had become my whole life already. I was so in love with him that run away would only hurt me more.

Steve always had been what I wanted the most… I couldn’t run and let him behind like it was nothing… Like what we were beginning to have now, what we had last night, wasn’t important for me.

A really cold breeze pulled me off and made me realize how freezing outside was. I held the jacket tighter and felt something inside the pocket: Steve’s cell phone. In my hasty flight, I took his jacket instead of mine… That was why I was feeling his smell everywhere! Thought I was going crazy…

HELL! Wasn’t it only November? Where the hell was coming all the cold?!

I cringed on the jacket, trying to recalculate my way back. He wasn’t right and I wasn’t right either, but it was no reason to end things up like that; We could try harder and fix it. Right when a light shone among the mess I was, I decided to go back and ask for apologizes, hoping that he could be feeling the same I did and accept me back. Before I could get up, the cell phone on my pocket started to ring desperate and the small screen said “home” was calling.

I had no idea of how to answer that call, tried every button I could find. – “Damn!” – I said when it shut up and wrote “1 missed call”. With my method of pushing every button, I finally succeed on calling him back.

“Bucky? Hello?” – I took the device to my ear and heard Steve’s worried voice calling my name.

“Steve…?” – Was all I could say, embarrassed and he sighed with relief on the other side.

“Bucky, thanks God you called! Are you okay?” – Was he asking me if I was okay? He was definitely the greatest.

“Ah… Yes, I am. I just... I’m sorry Steve...”

“That’s okay, Buck. I should be sorry, and believe me, I am. I so freaking sorry and all I want to do now is… Where are you? Where did you go?”

“Well, that’s a problem.” – I answered, looking around and not recognizing a thing. – “I have no idea.” – I noticed that Steve failed on containing a laugh, so I felt relieved to do the same. At least he wasn’t angry with me.

“Can you describe what you’re seeing? Maybe I can recognize it.”

“I’m on a small square; there are only trees around me. And an old man statue that looks more like a goblin. Do you know anywhere like that?”

“Yeah, I think I do. How did you get there so fast? It’s almost the other side of the city…”

“Frankly? I just kept walking forward…” – Steve laughed again and damn! I loved that laugh so fucking much!

“Stay there that I’ll...” – He stopped. – “May I go get you? If you’re not angry and upset with me anymore…”

“I’m not. I... Prefer talk looking at you, if you don’t mind.”

“Ok. I’m on my way. Don’t go anywhere.”

He hung up and I put the phone back on the pocket. It was almost indescribable how I was feeling; but it wasn’t bad. Steve was still willing to try with me, even after the accusations I threw over him… I haven’t disappointed him. That sensation was just what I needed.

Well, that and a really good apologize for everything I said. It was the least I owed Steve…

“Found you” – I heard my best friend’s voice when he sat by my side, only twenty minutes after I called.

“Was I hard to find?” – I asked, staring at the floor.

“Easier than the last time, actually.” – He shrugged, offering me another coat. – “You’ve found quite a view here…” – The place was really beautiful, but I wasn’t on the mood to watch the view. I felt my hand being gently held. – “Bucky, I’m sorry for hiding that file from you. It’s just that, after what I read there, I realized that I couldn’t expose you to all that sickness. And then I heard you having a nightmare and it got worst, ‘cause I knew that _knowing_ would only hurt you more. When I read it, it just made me want to kill everybody on HYDRA even more; I was afraid that you would want the same and put your life in danger looking for revenge.”

It really sounded like something I’d do…

“I didn’t show it to you because I was afraid. I know I had no right to not tell you but I didn’t want to… Didn’t want to lose you again.”

I looked up at him for the first time. Steve was facing the floor, still holding my hand, carefully drawing circles on it with his thumb.

“I owe you some apologies too, Steve. I think the past fifty years didn’t prepare me to… Have someone honestly worrying about my welfare. I overreacted. I got angry with all I’ve read and let it out on you… And it wasn’t right… I’m sorry too.”

Steve lifted up his beautiful blue eyes and turned to me with the most perfect embarrassed smile I’ve ever seen. – “Are we… Okay, then?” – He asked and I nodded. – “Thank you.” – He pulled me into a kiss. – “Thank you.” - I smiled against his lips in silence. – “What do you want to do now?”

I brought his hand to my lips, feeling stupid for having asked if I had just changed my leash. I knew how those words had hurt Steve, ‘cause I couldn’t forget his expression when he heard them.

“I want to get out of this cold… What about we go home?” – I suggested, uncertain if I could still refer to Steve’s apartment as ‘home’. – “We could have that special breakfast you planned…”

I received an approving smile to my offer and Steve led me to the parking lot, where was his motorcycle. I had a vague memory of him driving one of those things around during the war and I had to admit that, although it always let me in a panic, he knew pretty much what he was doing. But I never had imagined myself sitting on the back, holding his waist, going _home_.

It was starting to rain when we arrived and the wind only worsened the icy feeling that brought drizzle. Inside the apartment was warm and comfy; I took my coats off and went to the kitchen.

“What are you planning to do, pal?” – Steve asked, going after me.

“I’ll fix us some breakfast. Something good, don’t worry.” –I said, looking everything we had left over the table. – “You cooked for me, now it’s my turn. It’s something that couples do, right?”

“Yeah but... I’m not sure if you know how to cook...”

“I know how to do lots of things that you don’t even imagine, Steven… What I did this morning was just a demonstration.” – He blushed to my words.

The truth was that I really knew to cook; _how_ it’s a different story. But I was turning out alright; and the fact that Steve was watching me awestruck made me show off a little more.

“Do you think chocolate syrup over a chocolate pancake is a little too much?” – He asked me when I offered him the experimental pancake.

“I guess not. I think it’s the perfect match.” – I found it on the cupboard and put it on the table between us. Steve did a cute face while eating and I was relieved that he liked.

“Oh God, it delicious! Tastes just like the ones your mother used to do when I spent the weekend with you!” – He said, excited like a child and I swear, no compliment ever made me feel as proud as that one. – “You even put on some cinnamon!”

He offered me a piece and I understood what he meant with ‘delicious’. That was definitely a ‘James Barnes’ thing. Chocolate and cinnamon wasn’t the Winter Soldier kind of work.

When he noticed that I was a little absentminded, Steve soiled the tip of my nose with chocolate syrup, a little tap of the index finger. – “You know, I don’t like when you’re attention flies away while we’re together…”

“You don’t?” –I laughed, cleaning the chocolate with my own finger and put it on my mouth. – “And what do you like?” – Steve bit his lower lip, teasing me to end up the small distance between us. – “Already? We haven’t even finished our 3p.m. breakfast and you already want to take me to bed again?”

“When will we have a whole day for ourselves again? Soon you’ll be going on missions and I’ll be on missions too…” – He got up and slowly walked to me, with an engaging and somewhat provocative voice, and put his hand on my chest. – “And we’ll bitterly regret of wasting this precious time…”

“Hum... I _hate_ waste...” – I brought him closer, touching our noses while kissing his mouth, trying, desperately to apologize for that _leash_ thing. I lost my fingers through his hairs, pulling him closer, deepen our kiss slowly, feeling his breath synchronizing with mine as our air was ending. Steve put his arms around my waist, uniting our hips. – “You’re really willing to take me to bed, aren’t you, Steve?” – I asked when his kisses began to go down on my neck and his hands went under my shirt, scratching my skin gently.

“Do you _think_? ‘Cause I can make it clearer…” – He said, sucking my lip and going back on kissing me.

“I’ll end up losing my mind if you keep doing this.” – I patted his hair. – “Don’t get me wrong; I really like seeing you making things clearer like this… But I’m really starving, love…”

Steve smiled and lost his fingers on the back of my hair. He didn’t worry on hiding his happiness to hear me calling him ‘love’. We sat together and he cut a generous piece of pancake, offering it on the tip of the fork for me. If it was possible, he looked even more cuter when was feeding me. There was no way of not being in love with that guy; He could be strong and super soldier as Captain America, but he was sweet and careful as only Steve Rogers could be. Yeah, he was capable of handling a tank with his bare hands, but that change had been only outside. Inside, he was still small and hot headed Steve.

“What? There’s chocolate all over my face for you to keep staring me like that? – Steve joked when he noticed I was looking fixedly at him.

“No. I was just observing that you’re really beautiful” – I admitted, drowning into those clear blue eyes.

“Well, must be ‘cause I’m in love...”

“Bum... I don’t think so. You’ve always been beautiful.” – I put my arm around him, wrapping his body in an almost hug.

“That’s because I’ve always been in love...”

“Oh, yeah? May I know who’s the lucky one?”

Steve brushed his lips on mine, breathing slowly the hot air between our mouths. “I think you already know... I’m in love with the same person since I was thirteen…”

“Eighty-three years in love with the same person? That’s enough time; must be someone really wonderful.” – my comment made him laugh.

“He is. Really, really wonderful. And handsome.” – Steve left a kiss on my neck.

“Is he handsome?” – I raised  my eyebrows, pretending I was surprised.

“Yeah, very. He’s also funny, smart, tender…” – He kissed my neck after each compliment. – “He’s just a little bit slow, sometimes.”

“Slow?” – I didn’t need to pretend surprised this time, he had got me on this one. – “May I know why he’s ‘slow’, Cap?”

“Well, he was kinda slow to realize that you felt the same way I did... Or to admit it, I don’t know. And he was slow to let it take him... God knows how long I had to wait for him...” – Steve listed, with a triumphant smile on his face. – “Do I need to continue?”

I kissed his mouth in need, sensing him stroking the back of my neck softly, ruffling my already messed up hair. When we let go, Steve laughed on my face, with pleasure.

“Do you see why you’re only a little slow?” – He embraced my shoulders, around my neck. – “Most part of the time, you’re perfect.”

“What about change this ‘most part of the time’ to ‘always’?”

“I think that’s one great idea.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I have no fanarts for today.
> 
> But I'm really grateful for all the kudos and bookmarks and hits I've got till now. You guys are great!


	12. We’ll keep it quiet from now on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I never thought I would live this moment with you...  
> I thought I would have to hide my feelings from you for the rest of my life.  
> And I'd never hold your hand or kiss your lips... Or lie down on bed with you like I always wanted..."

Steve accepted my proposal excited, pushing me to the living room couch; sitting over my lap, one leg each side of my body. I put my arms around his, keeping close enough. His kisses were slowly driving me nuts, making me sigh and pull air desperately every time we separate a little. Steve was good on the game he was playing, grabbing me with such strength that I thought I'd get some bruises.

"Do you wanna stay here... Or go to bed?" - He asked with the face hidden on the curve of my neck, kissing and sucking my skin.

"I think here is better" - I said, bringing him to a quick kiss and keeping his lower lip stuck between mine. The living room was a little dark 'cause of the hazy sky out the window, and it made the scenario even more delicious. All I wanted was Steve's kisses. His kisses, his hugs, his moans and his touches. I wanted everything Steve could give.

I took off my shirt, his shirt and started to slightly scratch his back; He put hands over my shoulders, getting comfortable on my lap while we kept kissing. And then... The bell rang.

"Oh, no!" - He complained, angry just like the last time, with his face on my chest.

With that bad mood, Steve got up and opened the door still shirtless, and didn't wait for me to put mine on.

"Oh, hey, Sharon." - He greeted the person outside, not caring about the fact that our messy looks were screaming that we were making out. I wondered if he usually answers the door like that. - "Is everything alright?"

"Oh, yes." - The outside voice answered. From the couch, I couldn't see her, but I could imagine her eyes staring my boyfriend's physical in a silly way. - "It's that I heard some noises coming from here this morning... Some screams. I came here to see if it's everything okay, Steve."

That sweet "Steve" she said made me get up and breathe in some courage to do the sliest face I could to walk to the door. - "Hi, is everything okay?"

"Hi." - She looked at me head to toe, scanning me like a machine and then sighed. - "Yes, everything is fine. I just came to see if you guys are fine too. I'm Sharon Carter, by the way, I live in the front apartment."

She was pretty and blond, and I'm pretty sure I've ever seen her before. But I was also sure that I knew that face and that name, and didn't have to force memories to know how; there were plenty things about Carter on the Captain America expo. Carter was the name of one of the Special Agents from the army, back at the WWII. She was my superior and I had the impression that only saw her twice or three times, but seemed to be a ruthless woman. I was really surprised for remembering her so clearly.

"Everything is okay, Sharon. Thanks for worrying." - Steve answered. - "It was only a misunderstanding, but we solved things already. I'm sorry for the bother."

"Yeah, sorry." - I agreed and she smiled, looking a little embarrassed. - "We'll keep it quiet from now on."

Sharon stood there, staring us for a few more embarrassing seconds and left in hurry. Steve closed the door and turned to face me. - "We'll keep it quiet from now on?" - He imitated me, mocking, and I laughed.

"Yes, we will. We can't bother your neighbors like this, I want them to like me. And she seems really worried about you."

"Yeah, Sharon is nice. She's the great-niece of Peggy Carter, who were on the army with us, Do you remember her?"

Peggy Carter, that’s the name! I remember that Steve had a crush on her, which was reason enough for me to die of jealous every time I saw her. But I also remembered that she was a hell of a woman, exceptionally beautiful and strong, there was none like her; and it caused mixed feelings for her.

"Yeah, I have a vague memory of her, yes..."

"Well, I try to not think about it too much... Get on my nerves..."

"And on your age, you have to pay double attention to your nerves, right?" - I mocked and Steve replied with that serious expression of 'not funny' and I was already fan of it.

"Are you going to bother me with the age thing again? Do I have to remind you that I'm one year younger than you?"

Steve took my face between his hands, holding me to be face to face with him - "Yeah, actually, you do" - I answered and he kissed me lovingly. While we kissed, I could forget it all: the Winter Soldier folder, our fight, Sharon and Peggy Carter... Steve was so good on erasing the world around me and building a brand new one just kissing me. I couldn't help thinking that that ability would have been really useful when we were in war.

"Why..." - He muttered, but didn't stop kissing my lips, repeatedly. - "I've never... Tried to... Kiss you... before?" - His hands patted my hair and nape gently, pulling closer and closer. - "How many opportunities of kiss you... I've lost... Just for being silly?"

"The same many I did, I guess." - I answered, sitting him back on the couch with a push. - "Hey, what if you're just as slow as me?"

Steve laughed of my joke and made me sit over him. I got down on my knees, sensing his kisses coming up through my chest delicately; I held on his shoulders, leaning on his body and going for a kiss. He lay on the pillows, on his back and I went over his neck, touching every small piece I could reach with my mouth, adjusting our positions. I slid his pants down his legs and did the same to mine, letting them fall by the sofa. I felt him breathing against my chest and stick his nails on my back, right when I put myself between his legs. I wanted to kiss his whole body, touch him and make him feel all that love taking us over.

I kissed his nipples, watching them getting excited, and tried to do the same with the rest of his body, going down his belly, passing my arms under his legs to lay him comfortably. Our eyes met when Steve took off his underpants and I started to kiss and suck his dick.

I concentrated to suck the base of his cock, his balls, licking my way to his ass. I didn't know very well what I was doing (and maybe I wouldn't do it if I thought too much) but I dedicated plenty time kissing him down there, at the same time I took my own underwear off and stroke my boner.

I let my tongue play around his hole, feeling his muscles contracting and relaxing; my hands caressing his thighs Steve's head took turns between look at me and SINK on the pillows; and every time it did the first option, I looked back, watching him moving against my tongue every when it fucked his tight hole.

"Bucky..." - He moaned, stroking his own cock. To watch him jerking off calling my name was a completely new sensation for me and _fuck_! It was so fucking good! I rimmed him a little harder to get more sighs and moans. Following the rhythm of his hands, I went back to lick the space between his balls and his cock, going up and down, sucking the tip and pressing my tongue against it when it twisted on my lips.

A few more thrusts and Steve came over his own chest and the expression on his face made me want to lean on to bring our lips together. With no gentle, he held my neck and kissed me harder.

"I want it... So much..." - Steve sighed. His face was blushed and his pupils were dilated and, for fucking fucks sake!, there shouldn't be such an exciting view in the world!

I rubbed my dick on his entrance a few times, and was a little easier than last night 'cause it was wet from my kisses. I put my hands over the cum on his chest and lubed my cock with it, making Steve breathless; when my member was ready, I pulled him against me and put it in. Steve moaned softly when felt me inside his ass and then his nails hurt me again.

"Ouch." - I whispered on his ear and Steve bit his lips, stroking the hurt skin. I held him by his shoulders, taking control of our moves while sliding in and out his body. Steve writhed under me, squeezing my waist between his legs. Hs hands let go of my back and started to care about the back of my neck, bringing me to a kiss.

In between our kiss, Steve groaned and pulled my hair slightly. I increased the speed and the pressure of my thrusts, burying my cock deeper and deeper on his heat, feeling his breath failing against my mouth. Even if we had kissed a lot, I still desired those lips desperately, like it was always our first time.

With a quick and almost violent move, Steve shook his hips and threw me out of the couch, falling sat over me. Surely, if I was a ordinary person, that would be very, very hurtful, but Steve didn't give me time to feel nothing but pleasure; He started to control our rhythm and I closed my eyes to enjoy each ones of the sensations his body was capable of causing.

His hands went to hold my shoulders and made me sit as well. Steve was going up and down on my lap and I kissed his neck. The cold floor touching my skin just increased the confusion my senses already were; I was a full mess and the only thing lasting was Steve.

As I speeded up our movements, I felt like I was about to burst. I looked for Steve's mouth and he did the same; both of us, breathless, suffocated even more on each other. The pulsating urge between my legs made Steve move faster, just to fuck me harder and moan louder when I came inside his ass.

I didn't want to come off him, so I took me a few more minutes to pull myself away and break that connection. I wasn't ready to not have Steve wrapped in my arms, neither he. I kept sitting on the floor, leaning back on the couch, still holding him face to face with me; Steve rested his head on my chest, breathing warmly against my nipple.

I kissed his cheeks, brushing his bangs away from his eyes, and Steve smiled at me, prettier and tempting than ever. - "What's going on inside this pretty little head, Steven?"

"I'm sorry... For that" - He completed when noticed that I wasn't following. His eyes went from the couch to us, lying on the floor.

"Are you apologizing for the best making up sex ever?" - I asked laughing and Steve looked away, smiling blushed.

"No. Is just that... What I did was a little... It was too violent..."

"Well..." - I began, kissing his mouth. - "My boyfriend is Captain America... There's some risks on it, but totally worth it... Some bruises are nothing."

It was his time to laugh. - "Jerk. 'Bruises', you're exaggerating.

"Yeah?" - I brought his face closer. - "You're _officially_ wrecker than a bomb, Steve Rogers. I know this from personal experience."

"Oh my God, how dramatic!" - We touched our lips barely and Steve laid his head on my shoulder. I took his hands on mine, enlacing our fingers; he looked up and smiled.

"What you're thinking 'bout now?" - He didn't answered me, just held my fingers tightly and made his free hand slid up through my metal arm, drawing every single detail with the tip of his index finger. When it reached the scar on my shoulder, he stroke the sensitive skin attached to the metal.

"I love you, James Barnes" - Steve said, sounding very serious. I couldn't help but smile; to hear those words, from that mouth, from that man… How many times I haven't imagined that scene? Too many, always in different ways, but the same man, the same words. I laid my head over one pillow and pulled him to lie on my chest, stroking his face with my left hand. I knew it was impossible, but I had the impression that I could feel the heat of his skin on the tips of my metal fingers. 

"And I love you, Steven Rogers." - I left a kiss on the top of his head. We stayed there, in silence, breathing in and out in sync. There's nothing left to say, that moment was by itself the best of love declarations. Every second I've spent around Steve, breathing the same air, sensing his skin on mine, looking at his eyes, hearing his voice... It was the best love declaration of the world.

His lips made a gentle pressure on my neck. I heard his low voice. - "Did you sleep?"

"No... I'm just..." - I didn't know how to explain HOW I was or what I was doing. But Steve didn't ask for bigger explanations, just smiled and understood my silence with a nod. Whatever I was feeling, he was feeling too.

"Do you wanna go to bedroom? You're gonna get sick with this cold, sitting on this floor..." - His question ended up not being a question. Steve got up and pulled from the floor; took our clothes and put his own; I did the same. We walked to the bedroom holding hands.

Only when I dressed up, I realized how cold it was. Damn, I was the _Winter_ Soldier, how could I feel _cold_? Steve took some blankets and sat on the bed; I went under the blankets too and laid my head over his lap.

"Will you sleep?" - He asked, patting my hair.

"With you doing this with my hair? Of course not..." - I answered ironic, with my eyes already closed. Steve laughed and sat more comfortably, holding me in his arms; I nested on his chest, sensing his scent flooding my head. I could hear his heart beating while he held me and, if it was possible, I even loved his cardiac frequency; everything on Steve was perfect for me.

He left a soft kiss on the top of my head and continued caressing my hair.

"I don't want to sleep" - I whimpered, forcing my eyes open and turning to face his smile. - "I don't want to waste more time."

"Waste time for what?"

"For being with you. I want to enjoy every little second I can have with you."

Steve smiled and touched our lips in a warm and delicious kiss. His hands slid on my side and reached my back, making us face to face again. I stole a kiss.

"Turn around" - He said.

"What? You already want it again?"

"No, you jerk!" - He answered laughing surprised. - "I just want to see how bad is your back."

"Oh, wanna see if you've done permanent damages, Cap?" - I teased, obeying. Steve lifted the back of my shirt. - "So? Am I going to live?" - He slid his hand over my skin, drawing what I assumed to be the welts his nails did.

"Yeah, I think you will." - He joined my play. - "I'll have to… Watch myself next time, but you'll be just fine."

"Steve." - I sat straightened to look him in the eyes, catching his face on my hands, delicately. - "You didn't hurt me, you know that, right? You don't need to ‘watch yourself', not with me. I can handle a little bit of tough sex, don't worry, okay?

"You can't walk around with stripes, love…" - I couldn't listen to anything else when he called me love, but tried to pay attention. Steve embraced my shoulders, pulling me closer.

"Hum… They'll disappear before you notice. Hey, Steve, I don't want you to be worried about it. I don't want you to be worried about anything. Alright?"

"That's a hard thing to ask me…" - Steve furrowed his forehead, cuter than usually and I kissed his well drawn lips; - "But I'll try…"

"That's enough... Now come here" - I laughed and rested my head on the head of the bed, still holding hands with Steve. When he looked distracted, I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it, which made him open that breath taking smile e and lay his head on my shoulder.

"I never thought I would live this moment with you..." - He confessed after a while in silence. - "I thought I would have to hide my feelings from you for the rest of my life. And I'd never hold your hand or kiss your lips... Or lie down in bed with you like I always wanted..."

I turned my face to admire his. I could make Steve's words mine as well. I approached our foreheads and kissed his golden hairs.

"I was afraid that I'd lose you if I ever told you how I felt. I was so afraid that you think I was a freak... And never wanted to see me again. And then I lost you while I was afraid of losing you..."

"But now you got me back and I'm all your, Steve. _Only_ yours!"

He brushed our lips and kept staring me so carefully that I seemed he could even see my soul. When he hid a shy smile and bit his lower lip, I broke the silence and asked.

"What you're thinking of?"

"So much stuff..." - Steve admitted, playing with our hands. - "You make me wanna make plans..."

"What kind of plans?"

"The kind we couldn't do back at 1940..." - He shook his head. - "Good plans, chill out..."

"I'm curious. I thought we've spent the last hours doing good things we couldn't do in 1940..."

Steve laughed. - "Yeah, we did... But my plans involve different good things..." - He replied. - "Between four walls, we could have sex. I mean, we _should_ have done." - It was my time to laugh.

"So your plans involve going... Out?" - I assumed and he bit his lips again.

"Yeah... Well, you've been such a sweetheart eating my food and cooking for me... I know I'm not a great cook, so I thought we could go out and have dinner somewhere nice."

"Is that you asking me out on a date?" - I laughed and Steve blushed. - "'Cause that's the cutest thing I've ever heard!"

Steve smiled and it seemed that the room has got brighter How could he ever think I'd say 'no' to that invitation after everything we did?

"Where do you wanna go?" - I asked and his expression was of excitement, as if he had planned that for a long time.

"There's a restaurant that I've wanted to go, actually... I wanted to go... With someone special."

"You'll have to settle with me" - I commented and he got a little impatient. - "Can we go tonight?"

"Yeah!" - It was funny to see Steve so excited; he looked even more as a Golden Retriever. The way he was talking about the restaurant made it very clear that he did his research; He knew basically everything about the place before even getting there.

"It's a small place, nothing fancy... But seems great" - He told me, almost like he was apologizing. - "I can't believe we're finally going to eat fondue!"

I failed on holding laughter for his enthusiasm. Steve wasn't much of a fan of dates, at least that was what I remembered; he usually got sick or simply ran away from the girls I arranged for him.

Now I knew why he hated our double dates, but back then, it just made me want to punch him. I thought that, if I saw him dating a pretty dame, maybe I could forget those creepy feelings I had about Steve. It never had been a solution, but I kept fooling myself and trying to fix him with someone.

And was undeniably happy when the date ended up badly... Because he would remain mine, even if from a distance. Even if only halfway mine...

"It will be our first date as a real couple..." - He said, just realizing it. He looked at me, biting his pink, tasteful lips, and then, looking down, laughing. - "Damn! Saying it out loud got me nervous..."

"Are you saying this to me? It is my first date in years and it's gonna be with the one I love the most since junior high. -  I replied with a laugh. "I feel like a silly teenager again."

Steve smiled and brought our lips together, without any hurry. I knew it was stupid to be nervous for a date, after I had just fucked him on the living room floor.. But _knowing_ didn't help me much, because just to think about that dinner made my heart beat faster.

The day had been like a roller coaster of crazy moments and I honestly haven't followed the time passing. When I stooped to look at the clock, it was half past seven an the sky was getting dark; I wondered if Steve and I had spend the whole day on bed. I've got distracted by the red numbers on the clock for a long time, till he woke me up letting go of my hand.

"Where are you going?" - I asked when Steve got up.

"Take a shower... Put on some nice clothes. Get handsome."

I rolled my eyes and watched Steve take his clothes to the bathroom. When I heard the shower on, I got up and went to check if I had bought nice clothes too, something good enough to our special night. I found a black shirt and cool jeans, also black, both chosen by Steve (I had been pretty useless on our shopping adventure). Looking at them, I wondered if he had bought those on purpose and, if so, how he had been planning to ask me out...

The moment he left the room, Steve was already ready to go out, wearing a navy blue shirt, jeans and the usual neatly combed hair.

"You know... If I haven't seen you waking up this morning, I'd say that you never looked so good..." - I said and he lifted his eyebrows.

"How so?"

"Well, you're looking really great but... I don't prefer you dressed. If you know what I mean..."

Steve threw the towel, aiming my face and almost hit it, if I wasn't faster. The natural scent of his skin drove me crazy in the second he came closer to kiss me. Everything about him was so delicious...

"If you get everything now..." - He pushed me when I tried to pull him back to bed, over me. - "...What's left for when we get back?"

"I can be creative, if you're interested..."

Although he got tempted by my suggestion, Steve was pretty strong and walked way. I went to take my shower a little more anxious than I was before. Hot water helped to relax my shoulders, which had to be enough for now; think about the last time I got inside that box with Steve also helped to relax some other parts.

I turned the shower off and did my best work to get dry, avoiding looking at the mirror for obvious reasons. I felt nice with the new clothes; they made me look pretty nice, even with my shaggy and long hair. Steve was sitting on the bed and I couldn’t be more flattered by the look he gave me when I came off the bathroom.

 “Shall we go?” – I asked watching him firmly resisting to the temptation, digging his nails on the mattress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for any grammar errors, as usual.
> 
> And thanks for the kudos, bookmars and hits. And of course, for being so nice to me. You guys rock!


	13. Fondoing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Capsicle! Who would guess we'd met here?"  
> "Oh no...." - Steve groaned. - "What have I done to deserve that?"

We left Steve's apartment holding hands and it was pretty much how we stayed for the whole way to the restaurant. Steve was excited, chattering and he was more adorable than usual. How could I ever guess that the partner he was looking for a date was exactly the one I kept denying?

I noticed that no one on streets looked at us, and there was a lot of people passing us by without even looking at our hands together. Surely that wouldn't happen in 1940; we would hear rude and mean commentaries, at least.

"Steve?" - I called him and got all of his attention. - "Is everything really alright... With this?" - I showed our hands. Even though my question was a little confusing, he got it quickly. Smiled carefully and held my fingers tightly.

"Yeah, it is. Things changed in the last 70 years... Some for worse, others for best." - He answered, shrugging. - "Right now, I consider THIS the best of all changes."

Well, I couldn't agree more. I didn't want to lose 70 years of my life and yet, cannot have Steve in my arms.

"We're here."

The place really looked small and inviting. We got in and the inside was calm, full of small tables and some other costumers. On the second Steve asked a table for us, though, a voice came over the others and greet him; which made Steve jump.

"Capsicle! Who would guess we'd met here?"

"Oh no...." - Steve groaned. - "What have I done to deserve that?"

He turned around and right after us was a short man with messy hair, a singular beard, black shirt and jeans

"Tony. How many times I'll have to ask you to stop calling me 'Capsicle"?

"Bad habits are hard to cut off." - The man shrugged and the woman besides him pulled his ear.

"No matter how hard it is, you'll cut off all these 'bad habits', Tony." - She scolded. - "Good evening, Steve. How are you?"

Steve smiled at her and I pretended to be invisible. They seemed to know each other for a long time, 'cause my boyfriend spoke very familiarly to her, asking how she and the not-so-discreet baby in her belly.

"You went out for dinner so late?" - Steve asked, clearly uncomfortable with Tony's presence.

"She" - Tony ran his hand over the woman's belly, - "wanted to eat a late night fondue. And we do whatever she wants."

"Sir." - The attendant called for Steve and he looked away. And then I felt the couple observing me curiously. - "Sadly, we have only one table for two free. Courtesy tells me to give it to the lady, but my boss tells me to give it to you." - Before Steve could answer anything, the guy continued. - "But there's a table for four free; if you know each other and don't mind...

"Pepper," - Steve talked to the woman. - "you may keep the table."

"Ah..." - She made a thoughtful expression. - "I like the idea of having dinner with you. Why don't we get the table for four and eat all together? I really need Tony to get distract with some other one and give me a second of peace."

"Hey!"

"We'll take the table for four, alright?" - Pepper said to the attendant, before Steve or Tony could say anything and, couple seconds later, she was already sitting. I couldn't help but appreciate how adorable she was, smiling friendly ( _truly_ friendly) while put two Avengers and myself to accomplish her wishes.

While we walked to the table, Steve asked me apologizes with a gaze, and I tried to comfort him by smiling, ignoring that all my insides were screaming how awful that idea was.

Steve seemed as comfortable as me, but he'd never say 'no' to a pregnant woman; so he led me to our seat and placed me as far as possible from Tony, which unfortunately, didn't stop him from stare at me.

"I don't know you." - Tony commented, after a long while of embarrassing silence, as we waited for dinner. - "You're the Cap's new boyfriend everybody is chatting about?"

"TONY!" - his companion said out loud, surprised by his lack of sense. Steve got pale white by my side, with absolute no reaction. In parts, I've already expected that all of his friends already knew about us, so his words weren't really a surprise. I just smiled and answered.

"Yeah, I am. James Barnes, nice to meet you."

It was the woman's turn to get pale and let a surprise sound go out of her mouth. The three of us turned to look at her.

"Oh, I'm sorry." - She apologized quickly. - "Are you really James Barnes...? It's just that you're on the comics... I'm sorry. Nice to meet you, I'm Pepper!"

I had no idea of what she was talking about, but I got really happy for the way she looked at me, excited like a child, not in fear, or waiting for my next outbreak, or judging me. Very differently of _him_ , who kept staring serious, perhaps angry for not having me falling for his irritancy.

The waiter brought our dinner, small pieces of bread and a bowl full of melted cheese. Steve pressed my hand under the table; it was funny to watch Steve in panic, even though that ruined our perfect date.

"You know what?" - Tony restarted, while eating. - "When I heard you found a new popsicle, I really thought that the world did nothing to deserve two of you, Cap. But I have to admit that the double here isn't so bad. He looks like a hippie, doesn't he? The 70s, 'make love not war'..."

"Stark" - Steve called him out. Tony Stark. Steve had prevented me from his jokes (but he couldn't take them). The Iron Man. Son of Howard Stark, from the 1943's Stark Expo. Yeah, I wasn't impressed at all.

"What? It's a compliment!" - Stark replied. - "I'm sure the hippie is way less boring then you, Cap. Am I right?" - He asked directly to me.

Steve answered something that took attention out of me and I thanked him mentally for that.

"Just saying that it's surprisingly that a square old man like you likes the hippie kind. I thought that you would settle for some kind of Mary Sue..."

"Are you really trying to push my limits? I thought we had a deal."

While they argue, I ate, trying to ignore everything around me, focusing on bread, cheese and Pepper smiling in front of me.

"We _had_ a deal." - Tony explained. - "And if you remember well, I left you alone the past two years. But you walk into my date, bringing an already made joke... Did my father know about you two?"

"Grow up, Tony!" - Steve squeezed my hand, controlling his nerves or doing his best to do it. I laughed discreetly. - "And _you_ walked into my date and screwed it up. No offense, Pepper."

"You didn't. Dinner's on me, what do you say? Since I invited you and ruined your date."

"Don't need to bother. I could have been a nice dinner if..."

"Are you saying it's not being a nice dinner? Only because I'm trying to keep a conversation?"

Steve looked at him impatient and I really thought they would start to throwing punches. I leaned to the woman and asked:

"It's always like that? These two are always arguing and fighting?

"Oh, yes. It used to be worst, when they first met, believe me. But don't worry, Tony just want to get some attention..."

"Which side you are?" - Tony asked offended. - "He comes dating _Vincent Vega_ and I want to get attention?" – What the hell was a ‘Vincent Vega’?

"Isn't always like this?" - Steve answered. - "You've reached the height of giving your home address to international media! It seems to me a pathological need to get attention..."

For a moment, Stark seemed to be out of sassy answers. But it was only for half second till he said:

"It was totally different." - and there they went again. I couldn't not think it was funny to watch those two, 'cause although they were 'fighting', none of them seemed really irritated by the other's presence. They were just chatting in a hostile friendly way.

"Do you guys call each other Honey Bunny and Pumpkin?" - I heard Tony asking and it didn't make any sense to me. He also said something about a $5 milkshake and then I stopped trying to understand his references. I took courage and talked back to Pepper.

"When you said you needed someone to distract Tony, you meant that?"

"Hum... Not quite. I didn't imagine they would end up fighting. I'm sorry I ruined your date." - She put more bread in her mouth, not so much gracefully. - "But he was really pissing me off at home."

I laughed and she did the same. Neither one of our dates were paying much attention on us, they were just provoking each other back and forth on their half of the table.

"We should send them to the smaller table and have dinner in peace." - She suggested joyful and I agreed. But when our eyes met, Pepper muffled a laugh and hid her blushed cheeks.

"Ah... Is everything alright? Am I bothering you?" - I asked, worried by her reaction.

"No, no. It's just... It's silly."

"I'm sure it's not sillier than them." - I indicated Steve and Tony. - "You can tell me..."

Pepper laughed shyly and somehow I knew that wasn't a state she usually found herself on. If she was Stark's girl, it couldn't be.

"Right. When I was a child, my brother and I used to play Howling Commandos and I always was _you_! And now I'm telling you this while we eat fondue and it's absurdly surreal! And I can't hold nervous laughter!"

"You used to play me?" - I repeated, trying to check if what I heard was right. When she nodded a yes, I couldn't help but smile openly. - "What an honor!"

Her face became red as her hair and I instantly liked her; differently from what happened to Stark.

"You look too young to have accompanied Cap's comics, don't? - I asked, getting excited to eat bread and cheese again.

"My father did. We had all of them at home." - She answered happily. - "Bucky Barnes was my favorite character! Still is! My brother is older than me, so there were zero chances of me being Captain, so I learned all the Bucky lines!"

We continued talking and laughing, she started to tell me about her childhood like we were good old friends. I never had the chance to read the Captain America comic books, so I had no idea that I was part of it! But listening to her made me feel pretty special.

"I'm sorry, I've cackled about myself all night and didn't let you have you dinner in peace..."

"Don't worry! Dinner is always better when we're talking" - I answered sincere.

"Not when you're excluded from the conversation..." - I just noticed that Steve and Tony had been looking at us, curious. I didn't even realize that they stopped picking on each other.  - "Cap and I are upset."

"You excluded us first." - Pepper replied and I agreed. - "So Barnes and I decided to start our own conversation, as civilized grown ups, for a change..."

My eyes ran as fast as they could to meet Steve's, afraid that he could be upset for real. But he just smiled and rolled those beautiful blue eyes. I stroke the back of his hand with my thumb, just to make sure that everything was alright.

"Could we join the 'civilized grown up' conversation, now that Tony was convinced that my wisdom and life..."

"As a popsicle!" - Tony snorted.

" _Experience_ can break any of his jokes?"

I wondered how that had happened.

Pepper laughed, congratulated my boyfriend (which made Stark roll his eyes) and, somehow, the dinner followed nicely, even the few moments when Steve and Stark restarted to provoke. It was actually pretty funny.

It was really late when we finished our meal and the desert Pepper insisted us to eat (and it turned out being delicious!).

"Satisfied with your late night fondue?" - Tony asked to the lady's belly and she smiled.

"Yes. It was a wonderful dinner! You guys are invited to repeat it any other day, alright?" - I noticed that she didn't stop smiling and for some reason, looking at her was soothing. Pepper rested her hands on my shoulder. - "It was a pleasure to meet you, Barnes!"

"You may call me Bucky" - I said and her eyes became brighter. - "It was very nice to meet you too, Pepper."

"Bucky sounds like a dog name... Do you like dogs, Cap?"

" _She_ may call me Bucky." - I arched my eyebrows and Stark seemed surprised. - "For you, it's just Barnes. And believe me; I'm not as nice as Steve for nicknames."

"Yeah, only in your dreams, Vincent..."

Despite of his stupid jokes, Tony shook hands with me when we said goodbye and even offered us a ride home.

"We'll go walking." - Steve denied quickly. - "You won't have the pleasure of torturing us on the way back. You've already done it all night."

"Well, it's up to you, Cap." - Tony shrugged.

Steve said goodbye to Pepper with a hug and a caress on the belly and we walked opposite ways. After a while, my boyfriend sighed.

"What?"

"Our date... Went downhill."

"I wouldn't say that..." - I answered, pulling his hand to hold my arm. - "It wasn't exactly what I was expecting but... I had fun."

"Speak for yourself..." - Steve laughed. - "Wait, you mean seriously?"

"Yeah! It's not every day you meet two people as interesting as them. And she used to read your comics and was my fan! Did you know that?"

"Your fan? No, I had no idea. But Pepper usually is amazing like that..."

"See? It was a good... Double date. After, of course, you and Stark stopped acting like two little children... Will I have to get used to that or do you think it will change someday?"

"Well, don't get your hopes up with that one..."

"Anyway, how did you beat his stupid jokes?"

"With sagacity and life experience, I said. Please don't question about it..."

His expression made me laugh hard and Steve did the same. Another moment I wanted to last forever...

"You coped very well with Tony's questions. He has a talent to make everything get very embarrassing..."

"Well, I guess I have the talent of not getting embarrassed with anything."

"Yeah?" - He raised his eyebrows, turning to face me. At that poor street light, his eyes seemed brighter and prettier.

"Yep. I'm immune to Stark's insolence." - I explained.

"Well, one of us had to be..."

"What, none of the Avengers is?"

Steve had to think for a little moment, biting his lower lip. - "Not me, or Nat, neither Thor. Banner, amazingly, is the quietest guy in the world. And Clint just turns his hearing aid off and ignore." - He explained. - "And, speaking about them... You already met three."

"More two to go." - I completed. - "But I think the worse has past. After Stark, the others don't sound so scary."

"Funny way to put it. A Norse God and, well... The Hulk... Are less scary that Tony's forced jokes."

I shrugged once more and he laughed, pulling me a closer. - "And you? Did you like to finally to the restaurant you wanted? Even with the interference?"

"Yeah, it was a great dinner after all. And it's a cool place, right? And fondue is exactly what I expected it to be... But I was thinking about we go back there another day... Only you and I. To have a decent first date."

"Sounds great."

We went upstairs on his building and Steve unlocked the door, letting me in first. Once we were home again and _alone_ , none of us needed to hold back anymore. We leaned into a kiss instantly and I opened my mouth to let his tongue come dance with mine, pressing his body against mine, grabbing his ass as he opened my jeans and put hands in my boxer, touching my cock and balls, stroking them with hurry. 

"I guess I've never gone so far on a date..." - He sighed between kisses, leading us to the couch. In reply, I hid my face on his neck, taking a deep breath and trying to keep sane while he jerked me off. I slid my pants off, watching Steve following it down; I fucking knew what was coming next…

Steve's hell of a mouth continued what his hands were doing and… Holy cow! I failed on holding a groan when he began to lick and gently suck the skin between my balls and my ass, stroking my dick fast. His sweet tongue drew a line to my hole and he kissed me there, once, twice, before starting to fuck me.

"Fuck, Steve!" - I curse out of breath, and probably really loud. - "Where the hell you've learned this?"

He looked up for a second, with that smile that could melt an iceberg. - "Internet. So helpful…" - I had to admit that _internet_ seemed really great from where I was standing.

When I got minimal control of my body back, Steve made me sit and knelt in front of me, shoving my cock inside his mouth in a way that not even in my wettest dream I could imagine he would. I felt the tip touching his throat and a spasm made me almost whimper; Noticing that I was almost coming, he got up, caught his breath and sat on my lap with a naughty look on his eyes. I opened his mouth with my index finger, sliding it on his tongue to lube and he ended with the distance of our lips while I started to finger his ass open.

"Yeah… You learn fast, Buck…" - He said, kissing my neck and playing with my hair as I stuck my digit deeper. Steve moved his hips a few times. - "Yes, baby… You know what I want" - I brought my hand to my mouth and lubed one more finger on our kiss. It was getting easier to work him open, but I still had that feeling that I could hurt him, so I did my best to be careful and not throw away the trust he had on me. - "Fuck me, Buck…"

Those words… Man, I'd never get used to them, especially when they come out as a breathless moan. There wasn't sweeter sound in the world. And of course, I took no time to accomplish his will; opened his buttocks widely and he slid me in.

Steve was in hurry, so was I; there was no time to waste. I held onto his body, needy, greedy, sensing his sinful ass going up and down on me, pulling me in and out of him in a Super Soldier rhythm I had to do my best to keep up with.

 "Harder, Steve..." - I asked and he did it, faster and harder and my eyes balls almost popped out. But yet, I wanted _more_. So I pushed him to fall on his back and stayed on top, holding his legs to follow my thrusts. - "You're so fucking hot, Stevie..."

His answer came as a kiss, and it could have been 'you too' or 'I know', I'm not sure. Just know that what his tongue did down low, was doing in my mouth and it was fucking _hot_! I was so into him that I didn't recognized the annoying sound of a cell phone ringing, lost among the clothes on the floor.

"Yes, Bucky... Yeah..." - Steve muttered when I found that one spot that had an amazing effect on him. I forced myself harder to hit that spot a few more times and I came, spasming like the devil. He moved his hips against mine, which killed my voice  and my moans and made me bit my lip. All my being concentrated in only one part of my body, my lungs felt like they would burst and damn! It was fucking good!

"We're getting better, huh?" - He asked before I could even think of getting out of him. I just laughed and squeezed me by his side, resting his head on my chest. Although he was bigger than I, Steve fitted perfectly in my arms. - "The best date you ever set me up. Ever."

"So far..." I replied, laying back my head and closing my eyes. We didn't say a thing for a while, our hands were doing such a good work, caressing and teasing, that any word could spoil the moment But then, something else appeared to completely ruin the moment.

"Oh, for God's sake.. Who else need to know about us? The president?" - He complained looking for his cell phone on his pants. - "Captain Rogers speaking."

I couldn't hear what the other person was saying, so I just stayed there, in silence; we changed positions, now I was the one lying over his chest and, even though the conversation sounded pretty serious, Steve started to lose his fingers through my hair, patting it gently.

"I thought he was dead." - He answered to the phone and, for a second, I thought they could be talking 'bout m. - "What do you mean with 'the only one _able_ "? Maria, there are many other agents that would do the task with 100% more dedication than I. I don't know if you remember but I almost died this week."

One more minute of silence. Likely, agent Hill was trying to convince Steve to go on another mission. And he was firmly denying.

"Where was the last occurrence, where he was seen?" - Silence. - "In _London_? So why don't you send Thor after him? He's living on London..." - Steve threw his head back, impatient. - "Right." - He said, in the end. - "I got it. Yes, I do have some business to finish with Rumlow. What time?"

Apparently, Hill was really good at convincing the other to do what she wanted. Or perhaps, Steve had no control over himself when it comes to do the right thing.

"That's okay. I'll tell him. Right. See you tomorrow."

When he hung up and dropped the phone back to the floor, I looked up and asked: "Bad news?"

"Kinda. I need to go after someone..."

"Go after, you mean, hunt them down? Like, in a mission?"

"Yeah... Seems that it will separate us for... A few days." - Steve answered, unhappy, and his words stabbed me on stomach. In part because it was implicit that I would stay back.

"A few _days_? And you'll have to go to London?"

"Sadly, yes. There's this sick bastard and... He was last seen in London. If I actually find him, it will be disastrous and... I can't even imagine him next to you..."

I sat and pulled him to the same. Steve looked very serious, and he wouldn't say that if it was nothing, he was really worried about that mission, which made me hug those fears away. How could I let him go after someone if it would be 'disastrous'? And _alone_? No, I couldn't let him go...

"How will I let you alone for _days_?" - He wondered, hiding his face on my chest, which muffled his voice. I laughed under my breath, patting his blond hair.

"Steve, you know I _know_ how to handle myself, don't you? I turned out alright from a whole year, I can handle a few days. You're the one who's going to the front line... You're so reckless, how will I let you go to London alone?"

He didn't answer; just stood there, looking at me with that worried expression that was truly beautiful. I distracted him with a kiss and we tried to let it go.

"Agent Hill asked m to tell you that your payment for the mission was already banked on my personal account, just till they finish to... Regularize you."

"I should know what that means?"

"Documents, licenses, accounts... A couple days and you'll have everything back. They'll return you to the world; they did the same with me."

Steve was trying to sound encouraged, but I knew him better than that poor act. I put my arms around his shoulders and pulled his face to look at me.

"What's bothering you?"

"Rumlow, the guy I have to go after... He used to work with me. I trusted him; he was the chief of my tactic team. It feels really weird... He was dead, moments ago and now he’s causing problems I have to solve…”

“That’s why Hill asked you to go on this mission? You know… How he works?

“Yeah… Well, that was her argument.” – Steve snorted. – “She said ‘I know him better’. It didn’t help much when he betrayed us… I _should_ have noticed!”

I held him tighter. – “Some people in the world are evil, Steve. And they are so evil that they can pretend and fool good people. There was no why you could know he was a dirty traitor. Nobody else noticed.”

Steve hid his face on my chest and I kept patting his hair carefully. I wanted to say something and comfort him, but my faith in humanity was as shaken as his.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right…” – He finally sighed, looking up at me. – “There was no way I could know…” - I kissed the top of his head, which made Steve open a smile. – “I’ll have to leave early tomorrow. They will come by 5:00; I won’t even have breakfast with you…”

“We’ll have breakfast together for the rest of our lives, Steve.” – I smiled, trying to not sound upset. I took him by his hand and led us to the bedroom, pushing him to bed and leaning over his chest to kiss. – Don’t worry about this, alright? Just focus on coming back to me, unbroken and as soon as possible.”

The smile he gave me was the most beautiful, pushing away for a second everyone else in the world. Steve put his arms on my shoulders, lying my head down on his heart. We slept like that, cuddling; Steve stroking my back and tightening more and more. I closed my eyes and fell asleep lulled by the cutest snoring in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's fanart is this master piece by [Hallpen](http://hallpen.deviantart.com//) . Pepperony is cute <3  
> 
> 
> If you, like Bucky, are not familiar with "Pulp Fiction", this is how bad Tony's joke was:
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>   
> a 5 dollars milk shake?!
> 
> And now, for your entertainment, this is my headcanon for the blowjob scene... Fucky yeah, Tayte Hanson and Levi Michaels <3  
>   
> 


	14. Good ol' Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Steve… May I ask you a weird question?”  
> “Bring it.”  
> “Can we… Get married?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Remember when I said I'd explain why Steve came to NY after CA:TWS? Well, it's not an explanation but I want to clear out that Sharon moved with him (not WITH him, but she also moved from D.C. to NY. To the same building. She's a stalker.)

Night wasn’t long enough to kill my desire for Steve and the following morning came too soon. When I opened my eyes, the room was still dark and my boyfriend was sneaking out of the bed.

“Are you planning to leave without saying ‘goodbye’, love?”  - I asked, taking his hand and catching Steve by surprise.

“I didn’t want to wake you up so early in the morning, _love._ We had some pretty tough days, you deserve to stay longer on bed.”

“This bed is pointless without you on it, anyway…” – I shrugged, sitting and watching him put some clothes on. – “Did you sleep well?”

“With you in my arms. There’s no better way to fall asleep.” – He finished putting the top of his ( _super tight_ ) uniform, came closer and gave me a peek. – “Are you sure you don’t want to stay a little longer on bed? I swear I won’t judge you.”

I said no with a shake of my head and Steve laughed at my stubbornness. I got up and made the bed while he brushed his teeth, and damn!, I was already missing him. Even though I knew I’d be able to get by on my own just fine, I didn’t know what to do without him…

“Are you feeling ok, Bucky?” – Steve asked when he noticed me sitting by the bed, looking at nowhere at the bathroom door. – “Are you still sleepy?”

“No.” – I repeated, but a yawn betrayed me, making Steve laugh out loud. – “I’m just waking up really, really slowly.”

“And don’t you want to ‘just wake up’ a couple hours later? You looked so sweet on your sleep…” – He approached, brushing the hair off my eyes and pulling it very lightly.

“I said no. I’m fine.” – I insisted. –“I want to enjoy our last moments together till S.H.I.E.L.D. arrive and take you away... And actually, I also want to ask you something. I want you to teach me some things.”

Steve raised his eyebrows, surprised. – “Name it.” – I pulled him by the hand to the living room, where his computer was and we stopped in front of it.

“How do I work with that?”

Patiently, he showed how to turn on and use the basics of the computer and internet. And we ended up having a 101 class of how to use all the electronics inside the house, which was very useful.

“You know what? I think I have something for you.” – Steve said, right after he taught me how to turn on all the DVD stuff. – “It was a gift from Natasha, but it’s too tech for me. My guess is that you’ll like it more than I…” – From one of the drawers, he took a small device. – “A cell phone just yours. It’s more modern than mine, it doesn’t have a keyboard, you type on the screen, see? But the basic principle is the same. Now, it’s save my number and we can talk anytime, anywhere. Here it is.”

I started to play with my new phone. It felt really different from Steve’s but, ironically, it was easier to use.

“I’ll leave the bank card with you too, so you can use your first payment whenever you wanna go out. And the front door key” – Steve took his own key from the key chain and gave it to me. -  “Till you have your own copy.”

He caught my hand on his, pulling me closer. I held his waist with my free arm, resting my head over his shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be alright?”

“ _Yes_.” – I said once again, looking up at him, bringing his other hand to hold mine. – “I’m the one who should be asking you that!”

Steve laughed and put his arms around my neck, pushing our lips together intensely. I pressed our bodies against each other, feeling his hand sliding up through my nape. And the intercom biped and we had to separate.

“I gotta go” – He said, unhappy, and we walked to the door. – “If you need anything…”

“I know how to take care of myself, Steve. Don’t worry ‘bout me. Just don’t let the bad guys hit you too much, ok?”

“Haha. Don’t worry; I have them on the ropes.”

“I know you do.”

We had one last kiss and Steve left. In the instant I closed the door and saw myself alone, facing the empty apartment, I realized how hard those days without him would be. For one who had survived 70 years alone, I had become very spoiled with the last days.

Go back to bed was off the table; it would just make me miss Steve more. I decided to watch the morning news, but got bored after an hour, happily, late enough to have breakfast. But before I got into the kitchen, I remembered something that changed my mind. I turned the computer on (following Steve’s step by step). Since we got back from our date with the Starks I was curious to know what the ‘Vincent Vega’ Tony called me all night was. And that was offensive; and a clear reference to my shaggy hair. As if I needed any push to want to cut that thing off…

I got excited on searching other stuff and subjects pulled others and I read from the Avengers’ Battle of New York to the WWII, amazed by the ease to find information about _everything_ in between. When the clock struck 8:00, I changed my clothes; put the card, some cash, my phone and key in my pocket, getting ready to go out.

“Hey, good morning, neighbor” – I heard someone greeting me while I locked the door. I turned around to meet Sharon Carter.

“Good morning. Sharon, right?”

“Yeah.” – She answered with a smile and I had the impression that she blushed. – “Going out for a walk?”

“More or less. Actually, I’m going out to look for a good barber shop to get a haircut. You, by any chance, wouldn’t have any suggestion of where I could go, would you?”

“Are you asking me?”

“I’m still a little lost in this city…”

“Well, I know a place that’s near. Two block to right, in front of a Starbucks. It’s a very famous coffee shop.” – She explained.  –“You’ll know it when you get there.”

“Right. Thanks.” – We went downstairs together and I walked on the direction Sharon pointed. Some people on streets stared me and I wasn’t really sure of what they were looking at. My arm was completely hidden, I made sure of wear a long sleeves shirt; there was nothing remarkable on me to look…

When I got to the barber shop the neighbor had told me, it wasn't opened yet, but I didn't want to go back home only to wait half hour, so I decided to look around and saw the coffee shop Sharon mentioned. I got in there and tried to act as confident as possible when I walked up to the cashier.

"Good morning, sir." - A very young attendant greeted me. - "What can I offer you?"

I took a look at the menu and ordered a _latte_ and a bacon  & gouda sandwich. I paid with the card (and google how to use it before leaving the apartment was the greatest idea of the morning!) and found a table to sit while waiting my breakfast.

Besides me, there was more eleven people at the coffee shop, which was a little too much, considering the place's size. The most curious thing is that all of them, including the attendant, were absolutely focused on their phones. I took my own off the pocket and tried to look at it like they did, but couldn’t understand how that could be such a distraction.

"We have free _wifi_ " - a girl wearing an apron with the shop logo said, coming to my table with my latte and sandwich, noticing that I left the cell phone over the table. Without understanding what she meant with that, I just smiled and thanked. Even when she was serving others, the girl kept staring at me, smiling kinda shy every time our gaze met. She reminded me of Ally, the waitress whose dreams Steve broke into pieces; made me wonder how nice would be taking Steve there, someday...

I took my time with the meal, observing people around me and trying to pretend that the waitress wasn't embarrassing me. I noticed that people's clothes were a little weird, different from what I was used to; that was the very first time I actually noticed that. Even my modern clothes had nothing to do with those baggy and colored clothes, even though they weren't exactly a clash as the Winter Soldier's uniform would be.

When I finished, the same girl came to take away my dish and cup, still smiling. And thanked and left, really happy with her reaction. Not that I was interested or something, but it was really nice to know that even with my messy hair, I was still an eye-catcher.

I crossed the street to the barber shop, it had an old style, which almost made me feel home. An old man greeted me when I came through the door and pointed me an old couch to sit and wait.

"Please, make yourself comfortable." - He indicated a small table with coffee, plastic cups and a news paper. - "The news paper is today's"

I nodded and sat. It was fascinating that there were still news _papers_ ; they were much more comfortable than staring at the phone! While the old man finished his job with a client, I continued the hard work of updating myself.

When I reached the last page of the paper, I put it on the table again and watched the man working, getting excited to sit on that chair and say good bye to that damn hair. He noticed me looking, 'cause he turned to me and asked.

"You've been on war?"

My breath stopped and my vision blurred. Without noticing, I had pulled the sleeves up, showing half of my metal arm. I nodded a shy 'yes', pretending he didn't scare the hell out of me, and he smiled nicely. 

The other client left, leaving the chair free for me. I should be looking really uncomfortable, 'cause the man tried his best to start a conversation, just like he did with the other guy before me. Unfortunately, his subject was still my arm and the war.

"Have you been on Iraq?"

I read enough to know what he was talking about, so I nodded once more. It was easier than explain the entire WWII story

"Yeah, it's harsh..." - He muttered. - "I thought we would learn something with the last one but... It seems they still need guys like you and I..."

"You've been on..." - I asked.

"Oh no. I'm not as young as I might look like." - He laughed. - "I've been on Vietnam, back at 1964. I came back home on '70 and nothing else was the same."

“I get that feeling. I'm still kinda lost with everything..."

"Yeah, things have changed." - The guy started to work. - "Some for better, some for worst... And some are still as bad as they were fifty years ago…" - He shook his head looking at my arm, discreetly.

Or seventy years ago. - I thought with myself. I had been so fascinated with the things that the world had get that I didn't even think about the ones it had lost.

“Want something different on the front?”

“Leave it high.” – I asked. Steve would have something to pull when he come back.

“Like this?” – He showed a picture on the wall that was exactly what I wanted. – “Awkward request for a young man…” – It should be, ‘cause it was the same hair style Bucky Barnes used to use back at 1940, but it was what I liked anyway…

“There you go.”

“Ah, much better…” – I muttered to myself, looking at the mirror. That face looked much more like my old self, the old Bucky. And it had absolutely _nothing_ to do with Vincent Vega.

I paid the old man in cash (to take the money I’ve earned last year with me had been another great _insight_!) and he left me with a piece of advice that fitted me more than he could ever imagine.

“Don’t let your past haunt you and stop you to live your life. You’re young, there’s still a lot ahead.”

I thanked and left, still too ecstatic to go back home; I wanted to see different places and different things, perhaps grab lunch somewhere.

People weren’t staring me anymore, at least not as shamelessly as they were before, and it reassured me to go on with my walk. I paid double attention to not lose my way back, but also let me get distracted by the shops. On in particular caught my attention, so I decided to go in.

The shop was full of old objects, many of them I knew, so I probably stood looking at those for too long, ‘cause the owner appeared by my side.

“Good morning, sir! May I help you?”

“Ah… I’m just looking for now, thanks.”

“That’s ok. Are you looking for something special?” – He asked, willing. I shook my head, no. – “Well, if you find something interesting, please let me know, alright?”

I walked through the aisles; it was amazing the number of things they had for sell in there: typewriters, phonographs, old books and posters, yellowed because of the time. Some of those posters were hanging on the walls and one of them had him… _Captain America_ , throwing his shield with the red, white and blue flag right behind him.

I’ve never had the chance to watch any of the films Steve starred before coming to war. Maybe I had some lucky with that shop on that matter.

“You came to the right place.” – The man I talked before said when I asked him. – “After the fire at the museum, those movies were almost extinct.  I think we’re the one of few who have a copy.”

“And that’s exactly what I want.”

“Right.” – The guy turned to the back of the shop and called: “Sophie!”

A tiny little girl. Five or six years old, came running to us and jumped on his back, carrying a small shield.

“May you bring daddy a copy of the Captain America movie, please?” – the little girl ran back to the balcony and he turned back to me, smiling, and said. – “She’s our special curator on the Captain’s matters.”

“Really?” – I smiled back, amazed. Steve really was a timeless hero.

“Yeah, no one can come too close to his shelf without her permission. And probably she’ll run back here and throw her shield on you… I’m previously sorry ‘bout that; her father gave it to her last week. He likes Captain too…”

That guy really knew his daughter, ‘cause se really did run back and hit me with the plastic toy shield.

“Sophie! What did I say about attacking people with this shield? Please, sir, I’m sorry…”

“Ah, it’s ok.” – The original one hurt much more. – “She has to learn how to defend herself and the earlier, the better. How much for the DVD?”

“The sound isn’t perfect; you can understand what they say but there’s a little hiss on the back. It’s $35. And for my daughter’s misbehave, I’ll give you the poster as a gift. That’s ok?”

I accepted and he arranged everything in a custom bag. When I left the shop, my first thought was run back to home and watch the movie, but remembering that I’d be there alone discouraged me.

I kept going, went to the park, where many people were enjoying the hot fresh day; I passed by the aquarium (that wasn’t fun at all) and then I bumped onto a huge building and curiosity made me go in.

If the outside looked huge, the inside felt even bigger, full of stores, all the aisles were covered of them, very bright; it was kinda scary. And the number of floors was also intimidating; the stairs seemed eternal.

I walked around the first floor, seeing a lot of clothes and shoes and mainly, people. A group of teenage girls looked at me when I passed by a men’s clothes store and they started to follow me not-so-discreetly. None of them seemed to be older that sixteen, so it didn’t really bothered or worried me. Not even when they went up to the second floor with me.

The shops there were a little more interesting. There was a huge book stores (where I got lost, in a good way, for a long while), a house ware store (which made me think about the waffle’s maker I owed Steve), a stationery, a electronics shop (with a very weird salesman) and even a frame shop, where I bought one for my new poster.

On the third floor, I sensed the wonderful smell of food. A whole damn floor of restaurants! There was several tables arranged by the food court, most of them in use; I sat down and tried to decide where I’d have lunch.

While I looked around, something caught my attention. The little girl from earlier, the Captain America fan, ran through me and jumped on a well dressed man that didn’t look like the shop owner, except for the care with her. They spun together and she laughed when they sat at the table right before me. A little after, the man I met joined them.

I tried not to stare but it was impossible to take my eyes off that energetic little girl playing with the man in suit, and telling him about her day and calling him “papa”. Before I could formulate any thoughts, tough, I felt the phone vibrating in my pocket.

“Steve?” – I answered, without looking away from the curious three people. – Arrived already?”

“I just landed.” – He said, sounding upset. – “Now I’m waiting for permission to end it all and go back home. And you? Went outside?”

“Yeah. I decided to go around and know the streets, the places... And now I’m trying to figure out where I’m going to lunch. Have any suggestions?”

“Where are you?”

“At the mall.”

“Hum… There’s a pasta restaurant there that’s really nice. You should try it.”

I opened my mouth to reply, but the two in front of me kissed and my brain froze and all the dynamics of that situation started to make sense to me.

“Hey, Steve… May I ask you a weird question?”

“Bring it.”

“Can we… Get married?”

He remained in silence for some seconds.

“Do you mean ‘you, me, now’ or in general sense?

“General sense, for now.” – I said and he laughed.

“Well, yes. On some States, yeah. Why?”

“It’s just that I got attacked by a little girl earlier today; fan of yours, by the way. And she hás two fathers.”

He laughed harder this time. – “You’ve got attacked by a child?”

“Yep. She threw her shield on me. Yeah, she thought it was pretty funny too…”

“It must have been really cute to see a little Captain America attacking you.” – He said and I almost could see his sweet smile. – “Damn it, Barnes!”

“What I did?”

“As if I wasn’t missing you enough, you start talking sweet stuff like this…”

“Oh. I messed with your will of making plans?” – I asked, biting my lower lip.

“Precisely. And doing this while I’m on the other side of the ocean is pure evil!”

“Sorry, Cap. Being evil had never been my intention.”- I laughed and Steve snorted. – “But I have to say… I really like the plans you make.”

“I’m going to kill you when I get back, Bucky!”

I couldn’t hold laughter. Even when he was threatening me, Steve was the best thing in my life; I was just very happy for being part of his plans.

“Baby, I’ve gotta go.” – He lamented.- “Can I call you tonight?”

“Am I stupid to say ‘no’?” – I j0oked and he laughed. – “Be careful, ok, love?”

“Got it. I love you!”

“And I love you too. Bye.”

I hung up and that feeling of emptiness filled me again. I didn’t need more reasons to miss Steve either, he was all I wanted already and the idea of having him so far, on mission, _in danger_ , made me nervous. But I knew it would always be like that. I repeated to myself that I was with Captain America and he was a magnet for danger, but even so…

I tried to stop thinking about it and went to look for the restaurant Steve told me. It was really great! But one thing bothered me: people there were staring at their phones too, like they were the greatest thing they’ve ever seen. How could I not see anything fun on mine?

I looked at the family in front of me again, trying not to seem suspect, and wonder how slow I was… I knew it all, those gazes, those small touches and smiles… Steve had one like that too, that one smile that was all mine. How could I not notice it?

I wasn’t the kind of guy who makes plans, or at least, I haven’t had any. But Steve messed with me in that sense and now that the world allowed us to happen and I was watching it happening right before my eyes, it was hard to not make plans, even if long-term plans.

I finished eating and decided to call the day. I haven’t realized how tired I was until I rested on the chair. Maybe it was time to go back home…

I went to the fourth floor just for curiosity and got amazed with a whole floor just for the cinema! On old Brooklyn, we used to have only one and it was not even close of _that_! I promised myself to come back next day and watch whatever they were presenting, and went downstairs again.

My way back was calm and I had no troubles on finding the building. When I took the key off to open the door, I remembered that I should’ve made my copy. Ok, a new appointment for tomorrow.

Emptied my pockets on the center table, took my sew stuff to the bedroom and tried to figure out how I’d spend the rest of the day. If Steve hadn’t said he’d call at night, maybe I wouldn’t be so eager by the fact that it was only 3 in the afternoon.

I decided to put my new clothes, which were still in the bags on the floor, beside the bed, in the corner of the wardrobe Steve opened for me, but that task didn't take me hours. In five minutes, everything was settled up. I laid down on bed, feeling my head heavy over my shoulders. I hated to have nothing to do, even more all by myself. I surely prefer to be on a mission than still, at home.

I took some of the books Steve had on his shelf, the History of the last century summed in two giants volumes, and distracted myself reading. I wasn't sure if someday I'd succeed on catching up with the new world; so many things had happened and so much things were happening now that got me a little confuse.

I read the main facts from the 40s to the 80s, till decided to have a break; went to the kitchen and tested if I really had learned how to use the coffee maker, and it wasn't bad. While I drank my coffee on the ridiculously big Captain America's cup Steve gave me, I turned the TV on to look something to watch. I'd watch the Captain America movie at night, on the phone with Steve, to mock him in real time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (First of all, I'm sorry if I misguided anyone with the summary. But it was my intention. And as usual, I'm sorry for any grammar errors.)
> 
> Yay! I decided that I eanted to do the fanart for today but then I remembered... I suck drawing! So I'll leave here this master piece that made me cry for 5 minutes, made by [maxbbs](http://maxbbs.deviantart.com) . Isn't it sweet? 
> 
>   
>    
> Thanks for all the kudos, bookmarks and comments (Miss Nothing, Shinigami24, LoverShipper, alysha, I'm looking at you!) and for people following me on tumblr, sorry for being so bleh >_


	15. Brave New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I got stabbed again, and again, and again, before I stopped feeling the knife coming and out.  
> My whole body was numb and covered with blood and sweat, and he was there, standing still on the corner of the room, looking at me with that smile, that smile I couldn't forget, no matter how much I wanted to...
> 
> The reason why I couldn’t sleep at night."

For the first time in the day, the clock seemed to be ticking away as I wanted. The sky outside was getting dark slowly, closing that torturing first day without Steve; How many more would be?

When the _really_ stupid comedy show that entertained me for one hour or so finally ended, it was already late enough for me to start making dinner.

"Damn it, Steve!" - I yelled, looking to the cabinet. - "What the hell were you thinking?"

I searched for something that I could prepare by myself and found some noodles with the recipe on the packing (they weren't that hard to make). Not that I was in the mood to eat pasta twice a day, but I was really out of ideas and Steve's kitchen was really out of options. I wondered if he spent all that time eating bad like that... Or worse: eating nothing at all.

While I put some water to boil, I heard Sharon arriving home and wondered if she had been working all day long. I had a bit of jealous of her; I'd do anything to have something to occupy my mind.

When it was nine o'clock, I was already sitting on the couch, with my cup of noodles and the Captain America movie. It was really good, but I couldn't stop laughing with that Steve-actor; maybe for knowing him so well, I knew that that guy on screen, yelling catchphrases, pretending, wasn't the real Captain. Even though...

I haven't spoken about it with    Steve 'cause I knew it would make him upset, but I didn't have many memories of him as the Captain Rogers. I didn't remember anything, actually. I knew that it wasn't my fault and, probably, the part of my mind HYDRA wanted to erase the most was the one that said I was best friend with their arch enemy, but still, it made me really sad to have forgotten him.

The phone over the table made and _awful_ noise and I took it, getting excited with the present once more.

"Hey Steve! I thought you had forgotten me."

He muttered something on the other side of the line that I couldn't understand.

"What? Steve, is everything alright?"

"Ah... Yeah, everything is fine. I'm just... Eating and speaking with my mouth full."

"Oh yeah." - I answered, skeptical. - "What really happened? And you better think very well before lying to me, Rogers."

Some minutes of silence, till he decided to answer me.

"We met Rumlow and the rest of the Strike team and it ended up making a mess..."

"Did you get hurt? - I asked, worried.

"Well, my face is a little injured, but I've seen worse days..." - Steve said. - "I am fine."

"Your swollen lip tells me a different story..."

"How do you know my lip is swollen?"

"You're talking funny." - I shrugged. - "Wanna tell me what happened?"

Steve narrated in details the entire clash with that Rumlow guy, since how they found his cove to the moment things went sour and the bad guys exploded a whole damn hangar to kill him.

"Two explosions specially to kill you, Cap? I think you messed with the right people..."

"Still, it's better than an alien army commanded by a mad god or the love of my life throwing me down a hellicarrier... See? Worse days."

"You're so funny, Steven" - I mocked. The love of my life... - "Any chance that he's the one behind the explosion of the ship as well?"

"I don't know yet. But he's crazy enough for that.... Ah, I'm tired of speaking 'bout this, can we change the subject?"

"Right." - I laughed. - "I think I have a subject that will interest you." - I played the DVD and approached the phone to the speaker. The narrator was proudly saying that Captain America was out there, saving the world from the terrible dictator.

"James. Buchanan. Barnes. Where the hell did you find this?"

"On an antique shop!" - I answered, pausing the film again. - "Did you called my full name?"

"Yes, I did!" - Steve laughed. - "I thought this movie didn't exist anymore..."

"It's a copy from an old roll film." - I gave the best explanation I could, 'cause I didn't understand well what that meant. - "You're a good actor. Kinda..."

"Oh, shut up!"

"We can watch it together, when you come back!" - I got excited with the idea, just to make him laugh again.

"You're so silly…”        

"What? I mean it!"

I could perfectly see Steve rolling his eyes, with that shy smile on his lips.

"You already had dinner?" - He asked with that careful voice he always used with me.

"I'm having dinner now. By the way, your food cabinet sucks."

"Yeah, I know, sorry. But what time I had to go buy food?"

"Touchè."

"Are going out tomorrow? You could take some time to go shopping..."

"Yeah, I'll have to go make my key copy. I'll make time to go buy some real food for us."

"As the responsible adult..." - Steve laughed.

"Well, I _am_ the responsible adult..."

"That bought my movie to make fun of me." - He completed. - "My responsible adult is so mature..."

"I'm not responsible for you." - I shrugged. - "When will you come back?"

"After what happen today... I don't think I'll back soon."

Both of us snorted unhappily at the same time. Steve wanted to come back as much as I wanted him back; maybe more, 'cause he was also missing his home. It was so unfair that I could stay enjoying free time while he had to sacrifice himself on the other side of the ocean.

"Hey, Bucky. No." - Steve said out loud. - "Anything you're thinking now... No!"

"What? What you mean?"

"Every time you stay quiet, looking at nowhere, you're going somewhere else. So, no. I want you here."

I laughed. It was funny that he knew me so well, even when I didn't know me at all.

"I was thinking that I can't take more days without you. Actually, I really don't like the idea of separate missions."

"Me neither... But I'm stupid and impulsive when I'm close to you. So, I think it's better..."

"Stupid and impulsive?" -  I raised my eyebrows.

"Completely. It's not a good definition for Captain America in mission."

"Yeah, I totally prefer you being stupid and impulsive here at home, on the bed with me."

"I prefer it too..." - Steve laughed and muffled a yawn. - "To be impulsive on bed with you sounds better..."

"Are you sleepy?  What time is it in London?"

"I don't know... 2 in the morning or so..."

"You really shouldn't be awake so late. Not after the though day you had!"

"I'm fine."

"I know you are. But you still need to rest... Try to find a calm corner and get some rest."

"I've been sleeping so well these past days that I'm not used to sleep alone anymore..."

"You're a killer when you're falling asleep." - I laughed. - "We could get you a teddy bear for you to take with you on your trips."

"A teddy bear won't replace you..." - He joined me on the joke, with that sleepy, sexy voice.

"We don't want it to replace me anyway..." - I replied. - "We just want you to get some sleep."

Steve sounded like he was almost sleeping; muttering something and it was the most adorable thing in the world!

"Good night, lover boy. Sleep well."

"Hum..." - he moaned softly. - "Good night, Bucky Bear..."

I laughed and hung up the phone. If it was possible, I missed Steve even more now. I wanted _my_ Steve with me; hold him tight in my arms, ready to go to bed. I felt like a silly teenager in love with that thought; I had seen Steve, and kissed him, in less than 24 hours. But I couldn't hold that feeling.

I finished the movie when it was really late and I could do nothing else but sleep. And I couldn't say that I wasn't tired; but something inside of me didn't want to go bed at all. I tried to watch a little more television, but didn't pay any attention. When it was midnight, I breathed some courage in and went to the room, taking the same blanket I used with Steve on our first night together.

After I laid on bed, felt like a total fool for being so afraid. I cringed on my side of the bed, leaving Steve's side free instinctively, and closed my eyes, falling asleep easier than I imagined.

On the beginning, it was almost like if Steve was there with me; his scent occupied the room and played with my senses. But then everything got dark and darker and I was choking; the pressure on my head was back, as if I was being smashed by something really, really big. And I could hear voices around me, some loose phrases that I couldn't understand.

The voices were getting louder, more confusing and distant, the suffocation sensation became pain and I wanted to scream. I wanted, but I couldn't. It was like having one hundred knifes cutting my body at the same time; my lungs were on flames, like I was drowning. My mind was trying, desperately, to shut down and stop the pain, trying to breath, but something pulled me deeper into that agony.

I felt thinner than paper, delicate as glass, and then something stabbed me on the face and I yelled while blood dripped on the floor, and that dripping noise was driving me crazy! Stop... Please stop.

I got stabbed again, and again, and again, before I stopped feeling the knife coming and out. My whole body was numb and covered with blood and sweat, and _he_ was there, standing still on the corner of the room, looking at me with that smile, that smile I couldn't forget, no matter how much I wanted to... The reason why I couldn’t sleep at night.

 And then I woke up as if I had been punched on the stomach. I was all wet, luckily only with sweat, shivering and heavy breathing. I didn't use to remember my nightmares, just the sensations they left. But this time it was different: I saw it perfectly; Steve's bloody face looking back at me, falling from the hellicarrier. The wave his fainted body made on the water when he fell, the blood stain his wounds left on the uniform... The bullets I've shot...

It took me a few seconds to realize that the knocking I was hearing weren't inside my head; there was someone knocking on the door, frantically. Still a little dizzy and lost, I did exactly what I shouldn't and went to get it, bumping into Sharon.

"Barnes. Is everything alright?" - She asked. It would have been a pretty ordinary scene if she wasn't with a _gun_.

"Ah, yeah it is." - I answered watching her get into the house holding the gun up, ready to shot, if it was necessary.

"What happened?" - Sharon asked again, and she wasn't using her sweet voice as before; somehow she was sounding dangerous now. Even after she made sure that the apartment was empty, Sharon didn't let go of the gun and, from times to times, she aimed me. - " _What_ _happened_?"

"I... I don't know!"

"Were you talking to someone?" - I shook my head violently, wondered why the heck I was answering her questions. Who was she? - "You were screaming in Russian." - Sharon explained when noticed that I was really, totally, fucking lost. - "Screaming _desperately_."

Damn!

"I... I had a nightmare..." - Was all dared to say, embarrassed. I felt like a three years old child screaming 'cause of nightmares. And saying it out loud just made me feel worse.

She shot me an intense glare, so intense that I couldn't hold it and faced the floor as fast as I could. She was looking me with pity.

"Are you feeling better now?" - Her voice went back to sweet, something between pitiful and worried, but even so, she didn't took the gun away from me, as she was just waiting to pull the trigger.

I had no idea of what Sharon did for living, but she seemed familiarized with that gun. And her sorrowful look was almost like... Like she knew what I was going through...

And Sharon also explained me what a Starbucks was before I could ask her; as if she knew I didn't know it... And there was something else bothering me now...

"I didn't introduce myself to you. Neither Steve!"

The neighbor girl was almost out when I pulled her by the arm; When she felt me hand on her wrist, Sharon looked scared and hold the gun up again. She swallowed.

"How do you know my name is Barnes?" - It was my turn to question. I tried to keep calm, but it was a little hard with that gun barrel pointing at my face. I let go of her wrist. - "Who are you? Really?"

"I'm S.H.I.E.L.D.'s special Agent 13." - She showed me her credentials. - "I am responsible by your welfare."

“S.H.I.E.L.D.? You work for S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

She nodded, slowly taking the gun away from my face. If she really worked for S.H.I.E.L.D, it was understandable why she was so scared. I was the _Winter Soldier_ and she knew it.

“I’m sorry.” – I babbled, uncomfortable. – “I don’t… I didn’t…”

“That’s alright.” – She seemed calmer. – “After everything you’ve been through… Must to be hard to trust anyone.”

“Yeah.” – That situation was getting more embarrassing.  – “Thanks anyway, Sharon. Do I still call you Sharon?”

“Yes, my name is Sharon.” – She smiled. – “Are you feeling better now?” – I didn’t trust my voice to answer, so I just nodded. – “Stay well, ‘k, neighbor?”

I thanked and she left. After I closed the door. I saw myself alone again; sat on the couch, hiding my face in my hands, fighting against the tears. That panic was consuming me…

The clock on the TV was showing 5 in the morning, but I didn’t want to go back to bed and wasn’t even sure if I’d ever again. The house itself made me feel anxious, or maybe it was the fact that Steve wasn’t anywhere around. Anyway, I needed to go out.

I changed my clothes quickly, trying to take off my mind the image of Zola on the corner of the bedroom; I shove my things into the jacket pocket and decided to go walk anywhere… Minutes after, I found myself on that park where I went with Steve when we ran with Sam. I liked running. Running distracted me, as long as I kept focused on the course. Focused on the floor, on my feet, on the rhythm…

“Hey, man.” – Someone called my attention. Sam was running there too and reached me.

“Hey.” – I greeted him back, honestly happy for finding someone I knew. – “Good morning.”

“Came run alone today?”

“Steve’s out, so yeah.” – I summed the situation, shrugging and Sam nodded. We continued running in silence for a long while, listening only to our steps in sync, till he restarted.

“And how are you? Getting used to the _brave new world_?”

“Yeah, it’s being a little hard…” – I admitted smiling. – “But I’m taking it slow, It really is a brave new world. Too many changes…”

Sam laughed and then we went back to silence for some more miles. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, but I wanted to break it and start a conversation.

“Tough night?” – Sam asked before I could think of something clever to say, and got me by surprise.

“Yeah, it was…” – I admitted.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“It’s the usual stuff… The same nightmares as usual… They are… haunting me since last year.

“Memories?”

“Pieces of it, but nothing complete... Most part of the time, I don’t even know what I’ve dreamed… I just wake up in…”

“Panic.” – It wasn’t a question. Sam had just completed my thought, understanding.

“Yep. The neighbor knocked on the door this morning ‘cause she heard me screaming in Russian.” – I told. – “And now I’m afraid of sleeping…”

“You know, this feeling, this panic you have, it’s called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The name says it all, and I guess it would be strange if someone with your life experience didn’t present symptoms… But you can’t let the PTSD control your life. If you’re interested, I’m working with a support group for people with PTSD. You should come by one day, if you feel like it, we’re just starting, so it’s a small group… But some people think it helps…”

We slowed down and he offered me a card with a phone number and an address; I put it in my pocket and thanked.

“Does Steve know how you feel?” – I’ve kept my silence for two or three seconds that worked as a clear answer to his question. – “And you’re not planning to tell?”

“Steve has his own issues… He’s also lost… And he’s already doing so much for me…”

“Ah… Look.” – Sam put his hand on my shoulder, making me stop. – “I saw that man do everything to find you. Seriously, Steve was ready to do the impossible in order to find you last year and I’m sure that he’s still willing to do whatever it takes to help you. Don’t push him away; it’s really hard to fund someone who cares so much like this”

He turned to me and smiled. Not that mocking smile he gave me the first day; somehow, I didn’t know how to explain, it was completely the opposite.

I remembered the way Steve convinced him to take me back. He mentioned someone called Riley and now I was capable to see how he understood our situation so well. Sam also lost someone he loved; he suffered with that Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder thing too…

Interrupting our jog and pulling me out of my mind, the phone vibrated in my pocket.

“Did you wake up early today again?” – Steve asked before even saying hello. It made me smile. – “Do you have anything against _sleep_?”

“I had some problems…” – I answered simply. – “How did you know I was already awake?”

“News run fast through S.H.I.E.L.D. Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am. Actually, I’m feeling much better now.” – It wasn’t all lie. – “And it’s good to know that there’s people reporting my steps to you.”

“She had good intentions; She’s worried.”

“And I’m being sincere, it’s really nice to know that’s how” you’ve met Sharon. But you, are you alright?”

“Yeah… Chances to come home still this week increased.” – Steve sounded hopeful and I laughed. – “You left home already?”

“Yes, I’m running with Sam right now.” – I held the phone to my running mate. – “Say ‘hello’ to the Captain, Sam.”

“Hi, Captain!”

Steve laughed on the other side of the line and my heart failed a beat, just before start to racing fast again.

“I hope he’s not fooling you around…”

“No, no… We’re getting along just fine.”

Sam laughed and I was glad that we were really getting along well. To think that I got to hate him seemed to be in another life now, many years ago.

“You said you got your hopes up? What happened?” – I asked. The idea of having my Steve back before the weekend reassured me.

“Well, I don’t like to depend on these modern devices, but sometimes it worths. I still prefer our old ways, but we tracked the enemies faster with these.”

“And you’re sure that it’s not a trap? Those motherfuckers are gonna try to explode you again…”

Just saying those words made me feel bad. Bombs exploding specially to kill Steve was torturing thought.

“They might try. Anyway, I’ll finish it today.”

“Steve. Steve, please be careful. Don’t do anything stupid and impulsive while I’m not around, ok?”

He laughed again.

“Alright, I won’t do anything stupid.” – It sounded like a promise. – “Are you sure you’re feeling better now? What happened earlier?”

“Only a nightmare. But it was... A little worse than that other time...”

“Did you remember anything?” – He asked me concerned. As much as I wanted to follow Sam’s advice and tell Steve everything, I wasn’t so convinced if I _should_. My nightmare was a normal, the usual thing; I had no reason to alarm him over such a silly thing.

“Nothing important.” – It wasn’t all a truth. – “The same old memories…”

“And why this time was worse?”

“I said I need to you here to sleep well…”

I couldn’t say if Steve had bought my little lie or not. He remained in silence for a few seconds the sighed.

“Anything you need, you know you can count on me, right?”

“Yes, I know.” – I smiled instinctively. – “Don’t need to worry about me, Steve.”

“I will always worry about you.” – He answered and I felt bad for not telling him the entire truth. – “Well, I’ve gotta work. Please, be fine. I’ll call you later, alright?”

“I’ll be waiting for it. And you, be careful, ok?”

“Got it. I love you, Bucky bear.”

I laughed at my sweet nickname and at the fact that he remembered this part of last night conversation.

“I love you too.”

Hanging up was the worst part. I put the phone back in my pocket and ran to reach Sam, who had given me some privacy.

“Is everything right?” – He asked when we were shoulder to shoulder.

“Yes, he was just worried. About this morning. And wanted to check upon me.”

Sam gave me that different smile again. I thought he would ask me if I had told Steve what was bothering me, but he didn’t say a word. We continued running in silence, but one lap and half after, he asked:

“You already had breakfast?”

“No, not yet.”

“Well, I’m starving. I’m going to buy something, wanna join in?”

For my own surprise, I accepted his invitation and we walked to the same Starbucks coffee shop I’ve been the day before. Wondered if Sam also lived near.

“Two cappuccinos and two ham & cheese sandwiches.” – He turned back to me. – “Is that ok to you?”

I nodded and we found a table to rest at. After the whole year I’ve spent embittering that entire story, I’d never ever imagine that someday I’d be having friendly breakfast with Sam.

“It seems that the waitress over there has got her eyes on you.” – He commented, almost mocking, not being a bit discreet about it. The girl, the same one of yesterday, had brought our food and now was looking at our table. It was quite surprising that she recognized me even with the new haircut.

“Poor thing…” – I muttered against my cup of coffee, before sipping the sweet hot beverage, and Sam laughed. – “She did it yesterday too…”

“You’ve been here yesterday?”

“Yeah, I wanted to know the neighborhood. Walk a little, see different people…”

“Leave the house?”

Again Sam took me by surprise and my face made him laugh; I understood that he knew so much about my feelings 'cause he probably already felt the same. I had no idea of what had happened to Sam, but sometimes his expressions failed him and allowed me to see how sad he was. I couldn't deal with the memory of Steve falling from the skies and the uncertainty if he had survived the fall. I wasn't strong enough to deal with the idea of receiving the news of his death.

"Hey, excuse me." - He waved to the waitress. - "Can you bring us two blueberry muffins, please?" - Again he turned to me to ask. - "Blueberry is fine for you?"

"Don't need to waste money on me."

"No! It's almost a celebration, man! It has been more than four years I don't come Starbucks; we'll have to eat everything we can!"

I laughed and agreed, still a bit embarrassed. After he finished his sandwich, Sam looked at his phone and then got distracted with the people around us, but not actually paying attention to them. I took courage and asked the question that was bothering me, on the smoothest way I could.

"So, Sam... Tell me about you."

"About me?" - He repeated surprised. - "How so?"

"Tell me anything. I just don't feel good not knowing a thing about the guy that helped me so much this morning and is paying me breakfast."

Sam laughed.

"You're square and boring as Steve, huh? ... Aright, my name is Sam Wilson, I'm charming and handsome by nature, I work as volunteer with the PTSD group as I told you, I used to be a soldier, away from the Air Forces for about four years..."

"You used to be a soldier? I thought you were agent of S.H.I.E.L.D..."

"Oh, they tried..." - he answered sassy. - "But I'm tired of having people telling me what to do all the time. I found out that if I should follow someone's orders, it would be mine."

"It's a good life philosophy" - I agreed and he thanked with a nod. - "And how did you get into the S.H.I.E.L.D.'s mess?"

"Well... Steve needed help and I was the badass- _est_ person available." - Sam shrugged and I laughed. - "When the nation's hero asks you for help, there's not much choice than 'suit up'...

"Right. About 'suiting up'... - I smiled shyly. - "I'm sorry about what happened with yours... Wings. Back at the Insight hellicarrier... And for everything else too."

This time, Sam laughed hard as if I had said something extremely funny. I looked at him confused and he laughed even more.

"I totally forgot that it was you!" - Sam explained quickly, almost breathless. - "I shot you a few times, right? So we're even! Don't worry!"

I smiled a little more relaxed; Sam really was a weird guy. I've had destroyed his metal wings (that really existed, in the end) and threw him from a huge height. What were some bullets next to that?

"Anyways, the damages you caused to the Falcon were so irreparable that I've got a brand new one! Stark technology! Do you have any idea of how Stark tech is better than the Government's?"

The last piece of Stark tech I've seen was some weapons we had in the Army back at 1944, but if they were working till today, they must be really good.,

"And since when you have those... Wings?" - I asked interested, without noticing the waitress putting our muffins on the table.

"It's been about seven years now. Riley and I, we were selected as test pilots." - He answered excited and just after he said it, Sam realized he had said Riley's name. His smile faded a little, almost imperceptibly, and then continued. - "It was for missions that needed more agility than the parachutes."

"Did you ever use it on mission? It seems hard to pilot, even being more agile..."

That's why they chose the best pilots..." - Sam said, but his words didn't sound cocky as when he said he was 'handsome and charming by nature'. 'Cause, right now, Sam wasn't talking about himself... - "In the end, the project was shelved after four missions. On the fifth, they found out that it exposed too much the pilot’s life..."

"I'm sorry." - Was all I could say. - "Must to be hard to use it again..."

"The mission was worth... I've trained so hard to use them that seemed unfair to leave they gathering dust in any warehouse. So when I had the opportunity to use that training for something that would really help someone, I asked the Captain and the Black Widow to get the equipment back and I put on my show."

I laughed and nodded; he flew really well on that thing, I had to admit..."

"In the end, I've got much more following my own orders than I've ever got from the government..."

After I heard his story, I could understand why Sam preferred to be away from the government and didn't accept the S.H.I.E.L.D. offer. I wondered if they had treated Riley's death as they treated mine, twice. As just one more life the Army lost.

"And you?" - Sam asked, changing the subject. - "What's your story?"

"I don't have much to tell about me, actually..."

"Tell anything. I just don't feel good not knowing a thing about the guy I'm paying breakfast to." - He mocked and I laughed. - "Start telling me your name."

"My name is James Barnes. I..."

"Wait, wait, wait... Your name is 'James'?" - I nodded yes. - "And why the hell he calls you 'Bucky'? Where this came from?"

"From a middle name I don't quite like. Anyway... My current job requires total secret, and before that... I was in Russia."

"And before Russia?"

"Well, before Russia, it was World War II."

"I meant before the sad part of your life." - Sam said, too sincere. - "You remember being happy once?"

"Once, yes... I'm not sure if it's a real remembrance, though. Quite long before war I lived on Brooklyn and life was summed in go out to dance at night or go out to movies at afternoon. I hated movies and Steve hated dancing but we made exceptions to each other, just to be together." - I laughed at the memory. I could see it so perfectly in my head that there was o chance of not being real.

"You've already met Steve? I thought you guys had meet on the Army..."

"Oh, no. I've known Steve my entire life, since we were kids. But I don't remember this part..."

"Not even your family?" - I denied with my head and Sam smile comprehensive. I've spent a long time trying to remember my family, their faces at least, but there was nothing. - "It must to be hard... Having so much things in your head."

"And having nothing at all." - I sighed. - "Some memories had coming back. Things I've lived with Steve, mostly. Some others aren't so welcome..."

"Was that what happened today? With your nightmare?" - He asked and I muttered yes. - "Russia?"

"Russia. Bad memories are more recent, I suppose. And they are more violent too..." - I stood in silence for an instant. - "Well, that's my story."

Contrary to what I would expect, Sam didn't look at me with pity; he just smiled. There was no need of words either. I could understand it all, even why he helped Steve to look for me: Sam really was a good person.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Sam Wilson." - I said when we were saying good bye.

"Same for me, James Barnes." - He laughed. - "And don't think I forgot that thing with your middle name. I will find out where 'Bucky' comes from!"

It was my turn to laugh.

"And I'll have fun watching you try."

Before I could turn around and leave, Sam called me out one last time.

"Come to group reunion tomorrow afternoon. You'll like it."

"Got it."

"And talk to Steve. He's _the ultimate nicest guy_. He'll help you, no matter what."

I nodded and we walked different ways. I really liked that morning; it made me forget about my nightmare. If he was good like that, probably those reunions would be a great help indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be a bad bitch and leave this cute fanart, made by [maxbbs](http://maxbbs.deviantart.com/) (again, I know! But it's so beautiful!). This is pretty much how Bucky wanted to sleep everynight...
> 
> Thanks for everything, people! Kudos, comments and bookmarks. You're lovely!


	16. Somebody Else is Taking My Place

I went back home only to go out again in less than half an hour, to do the shopping I told Steve. On the market I realized that, _yeah_ , his cabinet really sucked but it wasn't his fault. It was impressive that even the food was different than what I was used. I bought some health and good things that were familiar to me and went to find where to make my key copy.

It was almost lunch time when I finished putting everything on its place in the kitchen, but I wasn't in the mood to cook to myself, so I took a shower and went back to the mall to fulfill my promise to go to the movies.

I found a Japanese restaurant that was different and charming, and it ended up being delicious too. After I finished eating, I went upstairs to see what I'd watch.

This same morning I had told Sam that I wasn't a great fan of cinema when younger; I used to go just when I was with Steve, but I couldn't say I wasn't excited. I walked around to see the names of the movies (how could they be presenting so many movies in just one day?!) and chose randomly the one with the coolest name. The attendant showed me where to go and the size of the place made me go 'wow'.

Luckily, the movie I've chosen was an action one and it was interesting, till it lost me with some fail scientific fiction. I wasn't too demanding but if the film today were like that one... Well, I still didn't like cinema that much.

When the movie ended, I turned my phone back on and saw three missing calls, all from Steve.

"Damn!" - I cursed, trying to call back. When he finally answered, I couldn't contain my happiness. - "Steve!"

"Bucky! Ah, thank God you called, I was getting worried. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, is that I just went to the cinema and you know… they have a pretty dumb song telling to turn your cell phone off. Sorry."

"You went to the movies?" - He was surprised. - "You hate cinema."

"I used to hate cinema." - I corrected, laughing. - "I decided to give it a second chance."

"And it changed your opinion, then?"

"Hum... Not much."

"You probably saw a bad movie." - Steve laughed. - "But anyway. Tell me how are you?"

"I'm even better now. Talk to Sam cheered me up, so I did our shopping, made my key. And then I came to the cinema." - I summed. - "   And you?"

"I'm... Bored. I've been kept waiting the entire day long..."

"Sounds boring."

"Yeah... But I have one great new: I'll be back tomorrow night!"

The good sensation I felt when I heard those words was inexplicable; relief was the closest word to put it. If a simple call from Steve made me anxious, I wouldn't survive another night without him. 

"It’s so good to hear it, sweetheart! I've already had enough days without you."

"Don't tell me about it... All I want is to go home and be with you all the time..."

"When will be your last mission?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. And now, it's personal."

"Why?"

Steve snorted and laughed.

"It doesn't make me happy to lose three days falling on the traps of that son of a..."

"Ok, Steve, I got it." - I laughed. - "Just don't get into trouble, ok, love?"

"Did I comment how cute you sound when you're worrying about me? It makes me feels like I'm not Captain America at all..."

"Well, must to be 'cause for me, you're _not_ Captain America. You're Steve Rogers, the Brooklyn boy that would do anything get himself into trouble. It's exactly for that guy that I'm worried. And it's for him that I'm cute.

"Sounds fair." - Steve laughed. - "What are gonna do now?"

"I don't know... I guess I'll walk around, see some cool stuff... Why?"

"It's 10 o'clock in here and I have absolutely nothing to do... And I'm feeling a little lone."

"Wanna join me on this sweet afternoon?"

"Yeah, If you don't mind..." - I laughed and of course agreed. Somehow, in a funny cute way, it worked. On our first “stroll” as a normal couple, Steve made me laugh out loud with his silly/sassy comments – he had something snappy to say about everything!

“Do you mind if I get us a carpet?” – When I walked into a department store. – “Your floor is too cold…”

“Is that you allowing me to kick you out of the couch more often?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Well then I think is a good idea. But don’t choose one too fluffy or we’ll never use the bed again.” – He joked and I’m pretty sure I blushed. When I was almost leaving, another shop caught my attention: they still sell vinyl records!

“Yeah, they are outdated thing, but there are still some…”

“You used to collect them, didn’t you?”

“Do you remember that?” – Steve asked, happy and surprised, and I had no idea that I remembered that. – “Yes, I had a lot. But they got lost after the war, when emptied my old house.

“But you still have some at home, don’t you?” – I continued, looking at the disks for sale, amazed by the feeling that I could recognize some of those (although I didn’t).

“I found some. But most of them are lost, it’s almost like they had never existed… I even lost the one with our song” – He lamented.

“Wait, what do you mean? We had a song?”

Steve laughed shyly and I fell in love a little more.

“I had a song for us… ‘ _Somebody Else is Taking My Place_ ’. I used to hear it over and over again after seeing you walking around with a new girl…”

That little confession of his got me surprised and sad; I’ve never noticed, back at the old days, how bad I was hurting Steve while I was trying to not hurt myself…

“Well, I guess we could find a new song, now that nobody else will take your place ever again!”

“I’m open to your suggestions.” – He replied and I almost could see that childish smile on his perfectly shaped lips.

“I’ll look for something.” – I promised and he laughed. – “Hey, what time’s it now? You shouldn’t be sleeping?”

“Are you dumping me?”

“Of course not, dumb!” – I said a little too loud and some of the customers stared me. – “I’m just doing what I can to guarantee that I’ll have you back, safe and sound, tomorrow night.”

“Good answer. But I’m not sleepy at all.”

“We’ve been there, Steve. Why don’t you stop being a hardass and get some sleep while you still can?”

“While I still can? Why? Soon I won’t be able to?”

“Yeah, you can be damn sure that I won’t let you _sleep_ for a long while when you’re back, sir… So why don’t you quit being so stubborn and get some rest?”

“Ok, you convinced me.” – He answered, not sounding too much convinced. – “But promise me something in return?”

“Just say it and I’ll promise.”

“If you have another nightmare… Promise to call me? Even if you don’t want to tell me what you’ve dreamed about… I just want to know how you are… Is that alright?”

“Alright. I promise you. Now good night, baby. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” – This time, Steve sounded a little happier. – “I love you.”

 “I love you too. Bye.”

I hoped that, as we’re getting used to those little goodbyes, hanging up the phone would become easier; but no. Even knowing that I’d have him back tomorrow didn’t help much;

I put the phone back in the pocket and focused on the old records, looking for the song Steve mentioned. I ended up finding one with some 40s hits that had Peggy Lee’s song and went back home. The streets were already illuminated with the orange glow of those public lights;

I went upstairs in time to bump into Sharon, who’s just arriving too. We smiled embarrassed to each other before I locked myself in again. I wondered how lame I was to not even imagine she was from S.H.I.E.L.D.

Put on some comfy clothes, placed your new small carpet on the living room floor and put my new record to play while I was making dinner. The song Steve said that was ours was _really_ depressive, even though it had a merry melody; I had a strange feeling that I had heard that melody before…

I tried to imagine how many times Steve had heard that song, feeling sore and down. I really couldn’t remember how many girlfriends I had had…

After eating, I sat on the couch and listened to the lyrics, searching for one that was beautiful enough for Steve and me. Its funny how music seems to speak straight to the heart when you’re in love; all of them had something about us, but not us _now._ They were mostly about impossible love stories. And we weren’t that anymore.

When I was almost giving up, one track got me: _Till the End of Time_. It was from 1945, a year that neither Steve, nor I could see, and had a happy lyric, much more like our new status. Glad with my new discover, I turned to music off and got ready to face another task, much less pleasing: to sleep.

I decided to take a nice relaxing bath before. Water does wonders with an exhausted body and this time it wasn’t different, I felt completely renewed and even gave myself a break to _think_ about Steve once or for times… But when I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked out the box, something got me unprepared: my own reflection.

I haven’t seen full body mirror in a while and that one didn’t bothered me before but now… Now I was seeing it. I seemed to be a distasteful composition, the huge scar cutting my left shoulder, that metal arm, even the new haircut. My body was deformed and _destroyed_ and that happy face didn’t fit.

My vision got blurry and it took me a while to realize that I was crying, so I let myself fall on the bathroom floor and cry myself out. My chest was so heavy that I almost couldn’t breathe… Cold sweat was dripping from my forehead; mixing with the salty tears and making me look more pathetic.

I pulled another towel to hide the rest of my fragile body, feeling like paper thin. Tried to dry my tears on it, but they didn’t stop falling and I was sobbing desperately and without even knowing why. How could an image on the mirror make a grown up man cry like a new born?

Not that it was my first breakdown, the last year was filled with a lot of crying, mostly when I tried to sleep or when someone asked me why I was so upset…

For God’s sake! I was shivering! Inside of me, everything was dark and confuse, my throat was dry and my hands were shaking. I couldn’t even put my fucking pants on!

At first I’ve tried to think reasonably: why I was feeling so depressed? Yeah, I had been through a lot, but my life was changing now… I had the love of my life by my side and we were living together and going on dates and kissing and making love… Now I had a job that I chose and money enough to live comfortably. There was… No reason to cry anymore.

“No! Put your shit together. You’re James Buchanan Barnes, remember that?” – I yelled to myself. I wanted to punch my face; which I did, twice, before realizing that Steve would be really mad at me if saw me doing it. – “No. No, it will be okay… You’ve been through that before and you’ve survived. Stop crying… Stop _fucking_ crying!”

That feeling that the Earth was spinning too fast and I wanted to throw up. There was a pressure on my nape that I couldn’t get rid off and my whole body was exhausted and stressed again. And I didn’t want to get up anymore…

And I had to keep it quiet, or Sharon could hear it and report to Steve… Stop _fucking_ crying!

It took me forever to stop crying, but slowly, I did it. Headache was fucking killing me but I’ve seen worse. I had to concentrate to drag myself out of the bathroom and go to bed, repeated those words to myself a zillion times before actually doing it. Put the towel around my waist again, leaning on the wall, and avoided the mirror to not start another crisis.

Once I reached the room, it was a little easier to calm myself down… All the good moments flooded my mind, pushing my unexplained sadness away, little by little. I had my own pajamas, but decided to wear Steve’s shirt to sleep, maybe it would help me. I had my hopes up a little.

I made the bed, doing my best to trick my mind and get too anxious with anything. I took the same blanket from last night, and fell on the mattress (too soft and too empty for my taste), losing my head on the pillow.

Rolled side to side for 10 minutes, wide awake. Sat and stared the wall for a while; maybe I should give up on sleeping and watch some TV through the night…

…But I was so tired.

Then I thought about calling Steve a talk with him till I fell asleep, as he had done himself. But it was 5 in the morning for him now and I _really_ didn’t want to wake him; not after had forcing him to go rest.

“Right...” – I messed my own hair. – “Children are capable of sleeping after a nightmare; why would you be different, Barnes?”

Ok, now I’m officially crazy, talking to myself and treating me on the third person!

I rested my head over the pillow again, exhausted. How many nights I’d have to deal with all that stress? I was pretty damn close of a breakdown when I pulled Steve’s pillow onto my face and my mind seemed to relax with his scent; it was funny that I was already so addicted to his perfume.

I changed my side of the bed for Steve’s, wrapping myself in our blanket and closed my eyes. Wondered if I’d always have do that ritual every time he wasn’t around and a silly part of me thought that would be nice to have a company to do it with me.

Sleepy enough to not realize what I was doing, I let my head play around the plans Steve started to make yesterday. We haven’t had talk about that anymore and I haven’t went back to that little Captain America’s shop, but that story was still in my head.

            Surprisingly, it was easier to sleep trying to figure out how would be like raising a child with Steve. I supposed it shouldn't be like that, but somehow that subject reassured me. I didn't even notice when my eyes closed and I fell asleep, waking up only on the next morning with the cell phone ringing at the desk. I looked for it in the dark.

"Who's it?" - I asked without even opening my eyes.

"What do you mean, 'who's it’?  Have you been giving your private number around, mister?"

 "Hey, Good morning, babe" - I muttered, recognizing my Steve's voice on the other side of the line.

"Good morning, humpf." - He answered. - "Did I wake you?”

"Yeah, I guess so... It's 7 o'clock already?"

-"Did it take you too long to sleep? "

"A little, not much."

I sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing my eyes, trying to get them used to the morning light.

"And you're fine?

"Yes, I am. Why? Are you okay, Steve? "

He muffled a laugh.

"I stood up all night waiting for your call... Did you sleep well today?"

"Yes... I even overslept." - I answered and now I was being as sincere as possible. - "But, and you? Are you getting ready to go? Did you rest a little?"

"I'm fine too, just waiting for a call. I just wanted to check up on you, see if you were well."

"You say it about me, but you sound cute being all worried too." - I said, laughing.

"It's good that you think it’s cute, 'cause I'm pretty much like this all the time." - Steve replied and I imagined him shrugging.  - "Do you have any plans for today? Aside, of course, not letting me sleep?"

I laughed and for the first time I wondered if anyone could hear our conversations and the completely inconvenient things Steve used to say. It would be a little complicated to explain...

"I'll go to Sam's PTSD support group." - I admitted and he didn't sound surprised at all.  Maybe Sam had already spoken to him. - "and i think that's all. I've already had enough of the everyday's adventures."

"Right. Anything you need..."

"I know how to handle myself, babe.  What I need now is you keeping your mind on coming back to me. Tonight. Ok?"

Steve laughed as if what I had just said was some kind of joke.

"Right, then. I see you tonight."

"Can't wait for it." - I bit my lower lip. I really had enough of days without Steve! - "I love you!"

"I love you too" - And he hung up.

When the phone turned mute, I let it fall on the mattress, trying to be excited with the day ahead. I left the bed when it was almost 8 o'clock, more because I was hungry than because I wanted to. I made myself a ridiculously big breakfast, with cereal and hot chocolate, and ate it in front of the computer. I've spent a good few hours reading and taking notes of what was interesting. I searched for that Post-traumatic stress disorder Sam told me about and, the more I knew, more I was sure that I had that. This, actually, gave me a little hope.

As much as I was anxious to see Steve again, i was also anxious for that reunion Sam invited me. Mostly because I had absolutely no idea of what would happen on it.

There was a map service on Internet that helped me to find the address on the card and it was fascinating! Within five seconds, I found several routes to the building, so I did my best to learn one of those.

After lunch, I took my stuff and walked to the subway station that was on my course. It was my first time using the subway, but I had had so many first times this week that they didn't scare me anymore. I jumped off after four stations, pretending that I wasn't as impressed as I really was. Walked some more blocks till find the address.

Finding the Hall 17 wasn't so hard; there were some chairs in line and few of them were already occupied. If anyone noticed me coming, they didn't seem to care.

"Hey man!" - Someone called me. - "You came!"

"Hey" - I shook hands with Sam. - "I said I would."

"Say and show are different things..." - He answered simply.

"It's pretty big here, huh? You said you're just starting, but seems that you're already helping a lot o people... It's amazing."

"People always need help; those who spent so much time being strong even more. You know this from experience."

I couldn't do anything but agree. Sam excused, going greet the others. I found a chair for myself and watched the hall get crowded. When it was time for the meeting to start, there were like forty people ready to listen.

Some of them even stood up to share their stories and fears and, minus the fact that some of them were pretty recent, they seemed a lot like mine. But, from all those sad stories, the one I thought was the saddest was one woman that had panic crisis with noise and now she wasn’t capable to watch her son playing ‘cause of it. I couldn’t even imagine how hard it must be…

The two hours of reunion seemed to fly and then Sam was already saying his last incentive words, advising us to deal with those bad memories as what they were: past; and not let them destroy our bright future.

It was the second time in the week someone gave me that advice; and I wanted to follow it desperately. Let my past as the HYDRA toy soldier behind and be only Bucky; the Bucky I had been the whole week, doing normal stuff like shopping and going to the movies and speaking with my boyfriend on the phone.

As Sam had said during the meeting, I couldn’t expect my life to change in the blink of the eye, and things would go back to what they used to be. It’d only frustrate me. Rebuilding a life - especially one in pieces as mine – was a hard work that would take time. “Baby steps”, was what he said. I’d need patience...

“And? Did you like it?” – Sam ran into me.

“A lot.” – I admitted, shaking hands with him. – “Thanks for inviting me, Sam. It really helped me out.”

“You’re always welcome here; just show up.”

“I will.” – I couldn’t be more sincere with that answer. Sam laughed and we said goodbye.

My way back was calm and cold, the sky wasn’t so clear anymore. I closed the coat and walked as fast as I could when a freezing breeze blew against me, before I got into the hall of Steve’s building and bump into a neighbor. Not Sharon.

 “It’s damn cold, huh?” – She asked me, laughing.

I agreed, trying not to let on my jolt, and she left smiling. I had to practice talking with people…

I opened the mail box with the number of the apartment on it quickly and found one only envelope, addressed to me. With a brief idea of what was that about, I went upstairs and opened it.

Exactly what Steve said: all kinds of documents I could ever need. Driver License (how could that be real?), and shining new S.H.I.E.L.D. credentials, with a picture that I had no idea from where they took. I also found my enlistment document, my Social Security number, even a passport… I had to admit that it wasn’t sloppy work: S.H.I.E.L.D. gave me back everything and, at the same, they had me completely on their hands.

I put the documents in my wallet and the bigger ones, on my side of the wardrobe. My curiosity led me to have a look on the Howling Commando files; it’s possible to miss a time that you can’t even remember?

I thought it was better to not push myself with that; my head was already a fucking mess without me thinking about the insanity time line was. I left the papers aside and lay on the couch. The evening news was reporting a series of suspicious explosions in abandoned warehouses of London. I stopped to watch as the reporter spoke.

“Four warehouses were exploded this week; luckily, there was no one working in the locations. According the police investigations, the authors of the explosions were vandals from the near area. And not, the sports…”

I turned down the volume, absorbed. Did the police _really_ believe that some thugs would blow four warehouses in a week for no reason? Or S.H.I.E.L.D. was influential enough to manipulate the news?

I went to the kitchen, try to invent something to eat, but my thoughts didn't help at all. I couldn’t stop thinking on the news ‘bout the explosions, there was something wrong on it…

Four explosions within a week, bur Steve had been there for three days only. The date of the last two occurrences matched with Steve's first mission and today (which made me wonder if the mission had ended badly today too). So, what were they trying to explode before?

I didn't know when Steve would arrive, or how he would be feeling, but I thought about asking him if someone had gone after Rumlow before.

After I pretended to have dinner a few times, I ended up going back to the living room without eating a thing.  I just wanted Steve arriving home safely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, peaches!
> 
> First: if you're interested on listening the playlist Bucky heard, please check it out [here](http://8tracks.com/winteersoldieer/stucky-1939-1949) and let me know if you liked it :)
> 
> Second: I found the perfect fanart for today, but I didn't ask the artist if I could post it here 'cause its costs $17 and taking it for free wouldn't be nice :( (You may see it [here](http://society6.com/product/bucky-barnes-uz2_print#1=45) ).
> 
> But DON'T BE SAD!! I'll leave here this amazing picture Marvel posted on facebook this week
> 
> Only to remind us how gorgeous Steve Rogers looks when he's on mission ;)
> 
> Now, this is how I imagined Bucky's new haircut.  
>   
> So... Do you think Steve's gonna like it?
> 
> And please, [ Vote Agent Carter!](http://www.eonline.com/news/640286/save-one-show-2015-is-down-to-the-top-5-vote-for-your-favorite-now)
> 
> Thanks for all the comments, all the kudos, bookmarks and hits! It means a lot to me, people!


	17. Lover, come back to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Absolutely no idea for the name of this chapter, sorry...

It was past midnight when someone knocked the door and I ran to answer. The second my eyes met my Steve’s clear blue eyes, I couldn’t help but to pull him into my arms, holding him tightly against my chest, the way I’ve wanted to do since we had to split up. I felt his hands going around my waist to hold me too.

“Are you okay?” – I asked, letting him go, just enough to look at his face. Steve was had bruises, a swollen lip, a black eye and several cuts.

“Now I am… You were right; they tried to blow me up again.” – He laughed. I combed his hair with my fingers and pulled us to the couch. Steve fell over the pillow and groaned in pain. To see him like that was killing me…

“Do you want something?”

“To take this uniform off. And a nice cold bath.”

“Well then, that’s exactly what you’re going to do.” – I answered and Steve laid his head on my lap. – “Are you sure everything is alright, babe?”

He didn’t answer. I straightened his head over my legs, brushing his bangs off his eyes, massaging the back of his neck, almost sure that Steve had slept. While I was trying to figure out how to take him to the bedroom, he got up, facing me and said:

“You’ve got a new haircut…”

“Yeah…” – I didn’t have time to think of how random his comment was, and Steve pulled me to him so hard that I thought we’d hurt his lip even more. His hands went up through my neck, playing with the new short hair while his tongue played with mine in that maddening kiss.

“I missed you _so much_ …” – I whispered when we separated our lips and Steve smiled, stroking my cheek with the palm of his hand.

I pulled him into another hug, wishing I could hold him like forever. Without any word of mine, Steve found out by himself the utility of the higher part of my hair, ‘cause he held onto it, tangling on his fingers and pulling and somehow that felt very nice. I laughed and he kissed my neck.

“What you think about going to take that nice cold bath now?” – I asked when he rested his head on my chest and seemed exhausted again. Steve agreed I walked him to the bathroom. – “I’ll get a towel and your pajamas.” - I pretended not to see the upset expression on his face and went back to the room.

“Were you lying when you said I wouldn’t sleep tonight?” – Steve asked when I got back. He was completely naked, looking at me with that Golden Retriever face. I couldn’t help laughing.

"I forgot that you're a killer when you're sleepy..." - I answered but my eyes betrayed me, going down through his perfect body and the bruises that the fucking mission left on it. Steve smiled triumphantly and I shook my head. - "Take this smile off your pretty face, dumb. And get into the shower."

He raised one eyebrow and shrugged, getting into the box, turning on the water. When I was coming off the bathroom, Steve moaned sensually.

"You're doing this to tease me, Steven..."

"And it's working perfectly, James"

Yeah, Steve was right, I was dying to fuck him for at least the rest of the night, but every time I saw those bruises on his belly, I got stuck.

"You know" - Steve opened the box, showing himself completely naked again, taking my breath away. - "Instead of staying still there, you could come help me. There's room for two here, know?"

The bathroom wasn't so big, so I was at Steve’s fingertips, he could literally stretch his arms and pull me in; and, as I was almost falling for the urges screaming inside my pants, I'd totally be his.

"So... What you think about join me?" - He asked again, putting his wet arms around me shoulders, wetting my white shirt as he pulled me into the box.

"You wet my pajamas" - I said seriously, holding Steve's waist and bringing him to me with a strong pull.

"You won't need it" - He finished the distance between our mouths while forcing my pants down. - "I was curious to know how this new hair would look like wet..."

I started to kiss his neck, hearing his soft moans so damn near to my ear. Steve pulled my hair and touched our hips, rubbing his body against mine.

"Hum... I want you so much, Bucky..." - He whispered, sliding his hands through my body, bringing me even closer. - "I missed you so much..." - Steve kissed my face, my neck and my chest a few times. - "Every little bit of you..."

I kept his lips on mine for some seconds, on a deep and wet kiss. Steve led my hands to his ass and I grabbed it, not as gently as I should.

"Did you miss that?" - I teased, gently drawing a circle around his hole with my middle finger, just enough to relax it before start penetrating him, sliding my finger in and out of his body at the same time I kissed his shoulder.

"Damn, yes!" - He moaned. - "Yeah..."

I put another finger in and played with his body's reactions for a while; Steve started to stroke my cock gently and boy, his hands were a fucking sin!

"Wait a second" - I struggle to say and, for a second, Steve seemed disappointed. - "I've bought us a treat."

I stretched out for the pack of lubed condoms I've bought us (to ease our foreplays) and, with the little bit of self control I still had, opened it, offering to Steve. With a childish smile drawn on his lips, he brushed his bangs backwards and put the condom on my did my

“It seems that you’ve missed me as well, don’t?” – He joked, sliding his hands over my body over and over, making me gasp.

“Yes, I… Missed you so fucking damn much…”

I held him against the wall; Steve took off my wet shirt and kissed my chest repeatedly. I turned him aside, adjusting our positions and penetrated him hard. He moaned while I was holding his hips, trying to move inside his tight ass.

“Hum…Yeah” - Steve muttered among his approval moans. Blindly, his hands slid through my thighs and squeezed my butt. I wanted to make it _nice_ , but the urges of my body were louder; I increased the speed and the strength of our movements, fucking him deeper and _harder_.

My lips went down through the white skin of his neck, gently biting. I turned his head to meet mine, desperate for a kiss, and he kept scratching whatever part of me he could reach, slowly killing my sanity. I thrust harder inside of him, making Steve hit the wall and use his hands to lean. I grabbed his waist and continued making fast movements, feeling his muscles twitching around my cock, raising the pressure between our bodies.

I bit his neck once again, sucking the now pink skin. He bent, allowing me to stick deeper into his hole; while played with the back of my neck, something between scratches and strokes. My hand went down through his belly, drawing an invisible line to his thighs, and pulling him closer; the other was busy, stroking his boner. Steve looked for my lips and I promptly attended; heavy breathing, he snapped my lower lip between his teeth just before stick his tongue inside my mouth again.

I felt my dick twitching; my thrusts became harder, faster and often, pushing him against the wall again.  I moaned a little too loud when I came inside him, but didn’t come off his ass. I took my time working his erection, stroking his thick dick and watching Steve writhing in pleasure.

When he came, Steve let escape a goddamn soft whimper and called my name, breathlessly. I pulled his face to look at me and quickly touched his lips with mine, holding him on a wet embrace. Back at myself, I turned the shower off and brushed the hair off his face, smiling at my _boyfriend_.

“You… Always get what you want, don’t, you, punk?”

Steve smiled back. – “Yeah. _Always_.”

Neither of us had thought about closing the box door when we got inside of it, so the floor was thoroughly wet. I took off the condom, as the packing told to, and threw it out. Steve pulled the towel I’ve brought and wrapped us both on it before we went back to the bedroom.

“For the first time, I missed this bed…” – He said laughing, falling over the mattress naked. My body couldn’t deal with so much hotness… - “Honestly, I think I missed you here with me…”

Slyly, he pulled me to lie down by his side and I did it. I’d missed him on that bed too.

“I wish the next missions to be shorter…” – I admitted and Steve turned to my, smiling. I brought his face closer and kissed his mouth. It supposed to be just a peek, but I was completely addicted to the flavor of his kisses, and no control about it. Steve didn’t make a point of stopping me; he was _really_ into it.

My hands slid through his back, from his shoulders going, pulling him to be over me. Steve put one of his legs over mine, touching our crotches, and gave me a naughty smile when felt my dick getting hard against his.

While he moved on me, I hid my face on the curve of his neck, biting, kissing, sucking his pretty delicious skin, leaving marks darker and darker. Steve stroked my cock a few more times, getting it hard as rock, and turned to stare me.

“Top drawer.” – I said under my breath and Steve reached for another condom.

“You spread them all over the house?”

“Only on the rooms where is nice to have sex.” – I answered, trying to sound playful but my laugh became a moan that I failed containing on the second he put the condom on me. Damn, it felt good!

I felt the slight pressure of his lips on my throat and he kept rubbing my dick on his entrance, teasing my boner even more. All my body knew was that I want to be in his _so damn much_ , satisfying us with that pleasure that only we knew.

 “Is everything okay, Bucky?” – Steve asked, brushing his lips on my cheek as he stared at me worried.

 “Never been better” – I pulled his face to kiss me, trying to sound reassuringly as possible. – “I don’t think I can handle having you so far one more time… I want you always here, just for me…”

Without stop playing with my hair, Steve shifted over my hips, leaning on my chest, and I held his legs to bring him back to me.

 “I’m not going anywhere...” – He answered, kissing my nipple and shoving me into his insides again.

On that instant, any will of resisting him or not hurting him vanished, turned into smoke. I just wanted to end that longing and get burn on that heat.

Steve pulled me, making us stay face to face, and settle on my lap, taking the control. After kissing me a lot, he sighed with satisfaction, slowing us down on each other. But I wasn’t satisfied yet…

With a move very similar to the one he made to throw me out of the couch that other night, I changed our positions, holding his legs on my waist. I’ve kept going with rhythm he had started, speeding up gradually, to not hurt him.

Steve put his arms under mine and I felt his fingers on my back; as he scratched my, he also pulled me closer.  He brushed his lips across my cheek until it reached my ear and whispered:

“Why the _hell_... Were you holding yourself back all this time?”

As answer, I thrust harder and slowly into his ass, making him tilt, moaning for more. Glad with his reaction, I started to kiss his nipples, crawling up to his mouth. I put my arms around his fragile body, reaching his buttocks, holding it while I controlled his hips against mine. Steve sighed among kisses and pulled my hair.

When I felt my climax near, I push my cock deeper into his ass and brought his tongue to mine once more, shutting a moan with a kiss.

I fell exhausted by his side on the bed. My heart was beating fast and I couldn’t catch my breath, just as much as Steve. The room seemed to be spinning and I could clearly see dark spots and blurs on the roof that weren’t there. And, of course, there couldn’t be better sensation.

"We're really…" - Steve started and held his breath. - "We're getting better..."

I turned my head to look at him and laughed.

"Yeah, we really are..."

"Few more times and we're perfect" - He said, catching my hand.

"Ah, ah... Few more times my ass. You won't drag me into this again. I've fell on your temptations two times already..."

"Don't tell me that you didn't like to 'fall on my temptations'?" Steve lifted up his head to face me, sounding challenging.

"Far from me not to like it, Cap" - I answered and he bit his lower lip. - "But you released a monster with your teasing..."

"So what? I am good dealing with monsters"

I was the one biting my lip this time.

"Your answer still is 'not tonight'. It's five in the morning, Steve..."

"And you're sleepy already?"

"Even beasts need to sleep once in a while" - I shrugged. - "Let's let perfection for another time."

Steve got up laughing and put on the pajamas I had offered him, and got one for me too.

"As much as I prefer you wearing nothing..."- He mutter while watched me dressing and I showed him my tongue.

We laid back down and, on the moment Steve put his arms around me, I had the impression that he would make a new move and I was ready to give in. But, despite of all of his teasers, he fell asleep very fast, squeezing me against his chest, and making me feel like the Bucky bear he called me before. I was Steve Rogers's teddy bear and there couldn't be any better life.

Even in the dark I still could see the red and purple marks that my mouth left on his neck. Now that I was under control, those marks made me wanna punch my face. I had bitten Steve! Wondered if he had clothes to hide that...

Steve squeezed me tightly and moaned something that I didn't understand. I turned my body to cuddle with him and put his arms around my shoulders, bringing his hands to my mouth. And I fell asleep thinking about the things I should have asked him about the mission, the things I'd bought and wanted him to see...

It was amazing how my Steve was capable of get rid of any of my nightmares. From the instant I got my eyes closed till the time I woke up, it was the best sleep ever!

I was still wrapped in his embrace when my eyes opened. The light coming through the window was bright and I wondered if we had slept to noon again, but I didn't find the clock over the bedside table to confirm.

I had no plans of coming off the bed I didn't want to take the risk of waking Steve up, who was holding me so tightly on his arms that he'd notice me moving. I tried to stay as quiet as possible or even fall asleep again, and let him rest. I just forgot that I was dealing with Captain America...  I felt his lips going from my nape to my ear and he said, softly:

"Good morning, lover" - I've turned on his arms, aroused by his whisper and longing to see his face again.

"Good morning..." - I whispered against his lips. Oh, that smile... I wouldn't mind waking up to that smile for the rest of my life... - "Did you sleep well?"

Steve nodded with eyes barely open and I kissed him. I loved to watch him waking up so much...

"And you? You sleep well?" - He asked, patting my hair and I hid my face on his chest, moaning softly. - "No more nightmares?"

I looked up to face him and Steve seemed worried; I smiled and shook my head, making him sigh in relief. I couldn't look away from that face for a few moments till he laughed and kissed the tip of my nose.

"You look so beautiful when you wake up..." - He said, lifting his head and pulling me to lie over his body. - "Have I told you that yet?" 

"No, I don't think so..." - I laughed and Steve made a cute face, bringing his lips to mine for long seconds.

"I think I'll have to fix this..." - He kissed my lips again and again.

"You are so silly, Steve..."

It was his turn to laugh against m lips; Steve laid back again, resting his head on mine, holding my hand tightly.

"What you wanna do today?"

"I thought that you'd might appreciate a whole day on bed, resting, who knows?"

Steve furrowed his nose, shaking his head.

"That's the good part of being _the_ Captain America." - He emphasized, mocking. - "I'm always ready to the next."

"You only think about it, you pervert?" - I asked, with a serious expression and he laughed.

"I was talking about fighting... But if you're thinking about it..."

I took his face on my hands and Steve looked at me with that Golden Retriever face that could get anything from me. I slid the tip of my fingers through his cheeks till reach his neck and the marks I had left there.

"What is it?" - He asked when I stopped my hand on him. - "What you're looking at?"

" _Я прошу прощения за это, Стив_ (I apologize for that, Steve)" – I muttered, with my hands around his neck, but I didn't give him time to react, jumped over his chest, holding his arms with my legs, stopping a possible fight back. The more I force the grip on his neck, more he tried to escape, choking desperately. And then he stopped. - "Honestly, Steve... I'm sorry."

I woke up again like if I had been punched on the stomach. The room was still dark and the clock was showing six-and-a-half in the morning. Steve's arms were still around me and (thanks God!) I could feel him breathing against my nape.

I was heavy breathing, shivering of fear, pathetically sweat and anxious... I honestly preferred when I wasn't capable of remembering my nightmares!

I turned my body against his quickly, I didn't care if it could wake him, and we were face to face. I closed my eyes, trying to not cry, looking at him, and brought our lips together several times, repeatedly. It was hard to keep from crying each time, even more when Steve moaned softly and muttered my name, prolonging it with that sexy sleepy voice while I kissed him.

I freed myself from his arms carefully and got out of the bed. Steve purred something on his sleep, but didn't wake up; I threw the blanket over him to keep him warm and went to the living room.

I fell on the couch with my head in my hands, extremely tired. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Steve choking with my hands around his neck, staring me till the last instant, as i he was incapable of believing that I was doing that.

The pictures of the nightmare were still popping on my head, alternating with the memories of the hellicarrier, and it hurt me even more. I threw my head back. I wanted to sleep _so bad_...

I kept the living room dark, but it wasn't helping much, so I turned the TV on and just watched the image of the reporter speaking, completely uninterested.

I tried to focus on Sam's advices during the PTSD reunion. That panic was part of the disorder and I'd have to be patient, "everything happens in its own time"... I repeated it all over and over, desperately, uninterruptedly. I was so sure that my nightmares would disappear when Steve was around that now I had nothing at all. I felt like I was carrying the whole world on my back and it was too heavy...

If I had eaten something, I'd probably throw up. My head was spinning and aching, so much pain.... And I'm not sure if I slept from exhaustion or passed out.

"Am I such a bad company that you sneak out the room in the middle of the night, Barnes?" - Steve asked loudly, falling by my side on the couch and it woke me up in shock. He didn't sound angry.

"Steve." - I called, instinctively, right when I opened my eyes. - "Steve."

Our eyes met and he smiled.

"When did you leave the room that I haven't even saw you?"

After waking up scared by nightmares two mornings on a row and being fooled by the amount of details of the last one, I couldn't concentrate on anything, let alone formulating a sentence to answer.

"Bucky, are you okay?"

By his expression, I could say that Steve already knew the answer. He put one arm around my shoulder and hugged me, kissing the top of my head.

"What happened?"

"I had a nightmare..." - I said with all my strength, but my voice almost failed.

"But I thought... I thought that you're okay when I'm..." - He started and I sighed unhappily, losing my fight against tears. - "No, no... Everything is fine."

I let my head fall over his chest and Steve rubbed my neck gently.

"Why didn't you wake me up, baby?" - He asked, patting my hair, holding me tight onto his arms and wished him to never let it go.

I remembered of Sam's words, not from the reunion, but those ones which were only for me, about telling Steve how I was feeling and being honest with him.

"I dreamed... That I've killed you, Steve. I've choked you with my bare hands, when we were on bed..."

For one instant, I thought if I hadn't been _too_ honest. Steve kept looking at me, those big clear blue eyes that could see all of me; I knew he could understand how painful was for me to say those words and how sincere I was being with him. Steve really was the "ultimate nicest guy"...

"Everything i okay now... It was only a nightmare" - His hands went up and down on my back comforting me, while I hid my face on the curve of his neck. - "You won't hurt me."

"But I've already hurt you..." - I slid my fingertips through the bite marks I had left on his skin.

"Bucky, don't!" - Steve said seriously, grabbing my face to make it look straight at him. - "This is not a wound and the _last_ thing I felt yesterday was _pain_! Alright? I want to you let go when you're with me, want you to do whatever you feel like doing when we're together."

Gently, Steve put his arms around my neck and pulled me to rest on his chest, holding me, protective.

"I want you to let me help whenever you have problems. You've saved so many times, so many ways... I want you to let me do the same for you, babe."

I groped to find his hand and held onto his fingers, opening a stupid half smile when I felt his touch on my palm. I brought the tips of our noses together, in a loving gesture.

"I love you, Steve..."

"I love you too, Bucky. I love you very, very much."- He answered, rubbing his soft lips on mine. - _"Till the end of the line_!"

 _"Till the end of the line_!" - I repeated and he smiled. - "I need to show you all the things I've bought... You need to help me with a thing..."

Steve seemed quite calmer when saw me smiling again; I pulled him through the room to the shelf. Distracting me with random thoughts had worked last night, it would work again today.

I showed him the disk I've bought; the DVD of old Captain America movie, which made him blush adorably; the poster I've got with the DVD (the help I needed was for finding a spot to hang that); my notebook, almost like his only better organized; our new carpet, absolutely approved; and the new waffles maker I owed him.

While we were making breakfast, I told him all the new experiences I had live these past three days and Steve couldn't stop laughing at my stories. He told me about his days on mission and how he had the awkward sensation of being followed by a not-so-secret agent. And it was my turn to laugh out loud.

The day was pretty much like that; Steve spoiling me and making me laugh, and squeezing me in his arms, calling me "Bucky Bear" and telling me that I'd never get rid of that nickname 'cause it defined me perfectly; we watched his old film and I caught him repeating his lines; we heard some music and had our first dance. Steve still didn't know how to dance, but somehow, I was good enough for both of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Belated April's fool! Did I trick anyone?
> 
> First, I'll leave this here, cause it's lovely!  
>   
> 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I'm tired as hell after this...  
> 
> 
> See you next week and, as usual, thanks for the kudos, bookmarks hits and simply for not being mean with me. Seriously, peaches... It means a lot!


	18. Scarlet morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there :)

The following days were perfectly calm and, when December's snow started to fall, I was almost getting used with the idea of being only Steve and I. Till one morning, we were waken up with a text on our phones: "Avengers Assemble."

"What the hell...?" - I asked, staring at the screen without understand.

"Tony." - Steve explained. - "Pepper is going to have the baby and he's calling us!"

I had zero idea of how Steve could read all that from a two-word message; but there was something else bothering me that moment...

"And how the hell he has MY number? I'm not even an Avenger..." - I rested my head back at the pillow.

"Tony has strange ways to get things..." - Steve shrugged. - "Are you coming?"

When I managed to open my eyes again, Steve was already ready to go, ridiculously handsome and happy. I nodded and got up, looking for something cool to wear.

"Pepper will be glad to see you there..." - Steve commented, while I was brushing my teeth, and he kissed my nape. I really hoped so; she was such a nice woman and the last thing I wanted was to fuck her happy day...

We got a cab to the hospital (it was really surprising for me that Steve knew all the details). I had to admit that I was excited too. The woman at the front balcony told us the floor to go and, as we get there, we found a guy sitting on a chair at the waiting room, playing distracted with his glasses.

"Bruce! Hey!" - Steve called out and the guy got up to shake hands with him.

"Steve! Hey, it's been a while since I heard from you."

"Yeah... I've been a little busy." - Steve summed up turning to me. - "Bucky, this is Dr. Bruce Banner. Bruce, this is my boyfriend, Bucky."

I actually loved Banner expression; he didn't seem surprised with my introduction, just shook hands with me and smiled.

"Did you guys get the 'Avengers Assemble'? - He asked, inviting us to sit. - "You too?"

I nodded, embarrassed.

"When you date an Avenger" - a voice behind us said out loud. - "You become automatically an Avenger. Just like what happened with Pepper. Or Hawkeye..."

The three of us turned to face Tony Stark.

"Shouldn't you be inside there, with Pepper, Tony?" - Steve asked before even greeting him.

"Doctor said it was better for me to wait outside a little." - He explained. - "It seems, _it seems_ , that I get Pepper dangerously mad." - Tony turned back to me and said. - "Hey, I see that you fixed your hair, Vincent. Looks nice."

"I can't even imagine why you get Pepper mad..."

"They'll call me back soon." - Stark shrugged; In few instants a nurse came by and called him back, making Stark smile cockish. - "See? Baby Scarlett needs her father!" - and he ran back cheerfully.

Steve laughed and turned back to Banner, who seemed to see as much fun on Stark's excitement as the blond.

"Did they agree to name the baby Scarlett?"

"Yeah, after a few months of arguing, they decided to go with the only name that they both liked." - Banner joked and Steve laughed. - "Oh, it wasn't funny at all to be between their crossfire. I almost threw a party the day they decided..."

They continued talking till a couple came along and interrupted them. Barton and _Natalia_ arrived, walking with arms around each other as any other couple, but I had the slightly impression that she was leaning on him to stand up.

"We missed?" - She asked when they reached us and I was almost sure that she was wounded, 'cause Barton didn't let her go any second, almost carrying her in his arms. And it was obviously annoying her.

"No, not yet. But any minute now..." - Banner answered, happily. Not him, neither Steve seemed to notice she was hurt, or it wasn't as strange as I thought...

_Natalia_ sat by my side and started to chat with the guys; Barton did the same but I couldn't stop the feeling that there was something really odd happening there...

"So, doctor, did you decide to change the peace for the city of New York?" - Barton asked and Banner nodded.

"Tony keeps me busy at the R&D floor everytime I think about leaving... And suddenly, I'm living there." - He answered simply. - "And you? Decided if you're moving in permanently to NY?"

"We're halfway there. Nat isn't sure yet if NY is the best place to live. Yet." - She laughed at his answer. - "Even Cap preferred NY to D.C. right?"

Steve nodded.

"Yeah but it's different. He had some other reasons, so doesn't count." – _Natalia_ replied. - "Everyone wanted him; he became Public Enemy number #1after... That." - I knew she meant me.

She smiled triumphantly when Barton couldn't answer to that, and Steve laughed.

"Are you guys planning to move in? Together?" - My boyfriend asked. - "And you went off on vacation a couple weeks ago...? Since when did you become a normal couple?"

Barton and _Natalia_ looked at each other for a second, in that awkward way, and then laughed shyly.

"We'd always been a normal couple, Steve." - _Natalia_ answered and Banner, Steve and I raised our eyebrows at once. - "And who are you to bitch about 'normal couples', huh? - Now she was really talking about me; good.

Gently, my boyfriend held my hand tightly. Even though I was completely embarrassed with that talk, it kinda made me feel good to be accepted by the Avengers so well.

The talk kept going casually till Banner got up to go get something to eat at the cafe downstairs and Steve went with him, get us some breakfast; leaving me alone with the 'normal couple'.

I've tried to pretend to be comfortable and watch TV. The news were talking about how randomly the explosions in London had stopped and the authorities were investigating if they weren't caused by a gas leak.

It was the first time I thought about those damn explosions since Steve came back. I had even forgotten to ask about the mission and if someone had gone... After Rumlow... Before he did...

The more I thought about it, more things seemed wrong.

"Getting used to the new life, Barnes?" - Barton asked when our eyes met at the second I got distracted from the TV. They were acting _really_ weird.

"Yeah, kinda." - I answered. With some difficult, _Natalia_ got up and turned the TV off, annoyed.

I had the feeling that he would say something else, but he's phone rang and Barton excused to get that.., I could hear him speak something about a mission and he answered with 'no' a few times. By my side, _Natalia_ snorted unhappy.

"Is everything alright?" - I asked her and she looked worse than when she arrived. I wondered if the thing Barton was denying was her participation on the said mission.

"Yeah, it is. I'm a little tired, that's all."

Suddenly, everything made sense not much but enough), her and the strange feeling I had about the explosions. _Natalia_ was as broken as Steve, but she wasn't a Super Soldier; explosions would affect her a little bit more than him. When Barton and her went to see us at home, they were about to leave after that dumbass Rumlow and didn't want Steve to knew it. The explosions weren't to kill Captain America, it was about them...

"What?" - She asked, staring at me.

I gathered all the courage I had, hoped to be right and said:

"Я думал, ты в отпуске (I thought you were on vacation)."

For a second, _Natalia_ seemed surprised, which surely wasn't something she was used with it.

“Мои каникулы обычно долго не живут... (My vacations usually don’t last long)” - She explained and I thanked God for not having said something stupid.

"Ты ранен. Почему ты солгал Стиву? (You're hurt. Why did lie to Steve?)"

On the smile she gave me as an answer, _Natalia_ showed me why Black Widow was an Avenger. Yeah, she was hurt and maybe broken, but yet she was standing there, like steel. The woman was a hell of a soldier.

"Я не врал. (I didn’t lie) – She said playfully and we heard Steve and Banner walking back.

"Still nothing?" - My boyfriend complained, impatient, sitting by my side. They had brought coffee and some sandwiches for us all.

"It can take the whole day long, Steve." - _Natalia_ explained.

"The whole day? But I wanted to see the baby now." - He lamented and I thought he'd never looked cuter.

"It can happen soon too. Anytime, actually." - Banner said hopeful and I had the slight impression that he had been dragged out his bed like we did. - "I think it will be born any minute now."

I wasn't blind to how that made my Steve excited and I wondered if he had ever seen a baby. My memories weren't a reliable source but I couldn't remember having seen a baby myself.

Luckily, Banner's guess was right and Stark showed up celebrating his daughter birth in less than an hour. We congratulated him, who, for the first time since we met, didn't seem to be a jerk and, after a few minutes, we could go in and meet the little Scarlett Stark.

I felt like an intruder on that beautiful family scene, but maybe Steve was the only one who didn't feel the same...

"Tony woke you guys up this early?" - Pepper asked when we got in. - "Oh my! Sorry!"

"That's nothing." - _Natalia_ said and she and Steve went to see the child on the mother's arms. The doctor and Stark started to chat while I was left behind with Barton.

The whole room was decorated with heart shaped red and gold balloons and I couldn't feel more outsider. But Steve was worth that; he was really happy and that was a small spectacle for me.

"Do you wanna hold her, Steve?" - Pepper asked after _Natalia_ put the baby back onto her arms. If I needed any confirmation that Scarlett was the first baby Steve ever held, the way he stood still with her in his arms was the final proof. And that scene destabilized me even more 'cause all the pairs of eyes in the room went back to me, thinking exactly what I was thinking...

We stayed there for a while and I could say 'hello' to Pepper after all the others had calmed down. As expected she was really cute and I couldn't hold a smile when she called me Bucky and said she was happy to see me there and asked if Steve and I had plans for the end of year. Our conversation last longer than I imagined; she was so talkative and excited, explaining that she wanted Scarlett to be around all her uncles and aunties on her first Christmas.

It was almost lunch time when Steve and I left. We said goodbye to all of them and called a cab. I noticed that he was strangely quiet on the way back home.

"Did you have fun?" - I asked, without better words to start a conversation.

"Yes! She was pretty cute, wasn't she?"

"Yeah; she was adorable indeed." - I answered smiling and he bit the lower lip. - "I never knew you liked children so much."

"Neither I; I mean, it was the first time I held a baby. Well, there was your sister, but I..." - Steve answered excited and my heart failed a heartbeat. We had talked little about, mainly because of me, I wasn't sure of how triggering it could be; Steve bite his lip again. - "So... What do you think about spending Christmas with the Avengers? Would you like that?"

It was funny to know him so well 'cause I knew he wanted to ask me some questions that weren't what he was asking. But I decided not to say that.

"Do you think it will be okay?"

"It can be nice..." - He said and remained quiet and contemplative for the rest of the ride. When we got home, we had a second breakfast (that was a good habit to get into) bigger than the first one, clinging on each other on the couch, because of the cold. Steve seemed even cuter than he usually was when we were together.

"What you're planning, baby?" - I whispered on his ear when the silence between us became unbearable. Steve laughed.

"Why do you always think I'm planning something?"

I kissed the tip of his nose.

"I told ya. You have this cute little face of someone who's making plans. Tell me and, who knows?, maybe we can make them come true?".

He looked up, turning his around to lie over me. His eyes staring at me were so damn blue that I completely forgot there were other colors in the world.

"We need to do some Christmas shopping..."

I failed on hiding my disappointment with that answer, but Steve ignored my reaction and rested his head on my chest.

"It's gonna be our first big holiday together _since ever_ , and the first time we'll go to a party as a couple..." - He continued, smiling. - "It has be special."

"And when do you wanna go? Saturday?"

"Won't you be tired from the work tomorrow?"

"Are you joking? Please tell me you joking." - I asked, raising my eyebrows. I took a small part as S.H.I.E.L.D.'s delivery boy, escorting junk around all the new facilities; it was a pretty boring job. And it wasn't because they didn't trust me (or showing me all the facilities would be a terrible rookie mistake); it was just _damn boring_.

"No." - Steve answered simply. - "I mean it. Don't you think you'll be tired?"

"Nope." - I gave him a quick kiss. - "We're going shopping on Saturday. Are you sure that's _everything_?"

Steve nodded smiling and lied back again. For some reason, he was determinated on not telling me what he had going on his head since we got back from the hospital, and it was making me really uncomfortable.

I thought Steve had slept, comfy on my hug, so I tried to keep it quiet. But he restarted the talk, leaning on my chest.

"How was the meeting last night?"

Again, not the question I was looking after, but  I told him about last night meeting; After my last nightmare, I went to every PTSD group's reunion and they were really helping me. Well, the times I had those pretty fucked up nightmares and woke up screaming had diminished and I could even use a little bit more strength with Steve on bed without getting TOO guilty.

"But now some of them keep looking at me, maybe they're waiting for MY story... I don't know, it gets a little uncomfortable."

We had talked about the hypothesis of me telling to the group everything that had happened to me; and both of us agreed that nobody would believe it.

"Would you feel better telling them?" - Steve asked, playing with me hair.

"I don't think so. I rather let this story to the ones who are familiar with... All this shit."

He nodded and continued playing with my hair, scratching my nape gently. I closed my eyes, throwing my head back laughing.

"May I know why you're so clingy this morning, Captain Rogers, sir?"

Steve laughed and leaned into a kiss. I held him and he kissed me again, longer.

"Clingy? Don't you mean 'loving'?"

"No." - It was my turn to laugh. - "I meant what I said. You're clingy since we got home, Steve."

He buried his face on the curve of my neck and my entire body shivered. Steve saw the effect his gesture had had on my nerves, 'cause he stayed there and started to kiss my skin.

"No." - I stopped him from drive my senses crazy, against my own will. - "You won't get away from my question like this."

"And how will I get away?"

"You won't." - I answered and he pouted, making me want to kiss. - "Stop distracting me, Steve."

"I'm not doing it on purpose, I swear!" - He raised his hands in surrender and I laughed, pulling him closer and sliding my hands all over his back to hold him tight.

"Are you ready to speak? Or will I have to squeeze you harder?"

"Maybe I'm like 'cause I was dragged out of bed too early... And I'll have to spend tomorrow without you..."

Not that his answer was satisfactory, but wasn't bad either; and I never needed much to give in, not with Steve. So I pulled his face against mine and kissed, hearing his sweet moans on my lips.

Steve spent the rest of the day acting like that, thoughtful and sly and very loving, but not willing to tell me anything. Every time he turned to me, Steve bit his lower lip and... Asked something else. Not even when we went to bee he gave me a break; He laid on bed and watched me changing.

"What time you gonna wake up tomorrow?"

"We're not going far, so... Don't need to be so early. Why?" - I threw myself beside him and Steve pulled me to his chest.

"Well then... As you're not going out early... I thought I could show you how bad I'm missing you already." - I felt his lips against my ear and he gently bit my lobe. I didn't need to think twice about his invitation and went to kiss his neck, playing with his hair while his hands went down my shirt, drawing my abdomen with the tip of his fingers.

I put him over me and he laughed when noticed me pulling down his pants. I brushed the tip of our noses just to make him laugh again; my shirt went off with his and our pants. Steve seemed hurry; he pulled my cock off and started to jerk if off as we were kissing, and he scratched my nape. I tried to keep up with his tongue but his goddamn fingers were so knacky at turning me on that, now and again, a moan escaped and got me distracted.

"Do you like it?" - He asked, just to tease me, speeding up his hand enough to make me gasp. I nodded as answer, with my eyes SHUT and Steve did it again few more times. - "Bucky... You look... So adorable... You're the prettiest thing I've ever seen..."

He pressed his lips on mine, sliding his tongue out to make me open my mouth and take it. When he started to kiss my face, my neck, my shoulders and my chest, pushing me gently  to the pillows. Steve was all over me, dedicated to kiss every inch his mouth could find.

"Everything on you... Is so _damn_ perfect..." - His lips went down my belly, getting to my crotch; one of his hands was scratching my thigh while the other was still concentrated on my cock. - "You're all I ever, ever wanted..."

I was already gone by that, but watch him touch the head of my dick with his tongue and slowly put it inside his mouth and slid it in a few times made me burst. Steve took his time licking me before start sucking, never stopping staring me with those perfect blue eyes that never seemed so excited.

"You taste so damn well, Buck..." - He whispered still very close to my intimacy, playing with the saliva his blowjob left. He looked up at my reactions and bit the lip, just before shoving me into his mouth once again, fucking his throat harder than I've ever seen. He seemed desperate and insatiable and such. Fucking. Tease.

I raised my head to get a better view of his perfect body moving back and forth between my legs. On that position, on his knees, leaning on another task, Steve was the most precious thing I could ever imagine. I stretched my arm to reach his butt and used my fingers to play with his ass, massaging it and feeling him desire me _madly_.

"Hmm yeah... Fuck yeah..." - I groaned when his mouth engaged even more on drive me nuts. I took my index and middle fingers to my mouth and licked them well enough, and went back to take care of him, fucking his hole with the same intensity he was sucking my cock.

Steve moaned, with my member still deep inside his throat, and started to touch his own boner. I slid my fingers inside his ass, trying to open him as while I pulled him into a kiss. He looked after the lube bottle we kept on the drawer and slid this mix of lube and saliva through my dick, getting ready on my lap, rubbing me on his entrance before letting me in with a soft moan. I kissed his chest and he pulled the back of my hair, pushing my mouth against his skin; I sucked the small part of him within reach of my lips and got a scratch on the back in return.

I moved my hips under his and Steve bowed his back when felt me penetrating him deeper. I laid him on his back, holding his legs hooked on my waist, taking the control while Steve was playing with my nipples with eyes half-closed.

He pulled me closer, breathing heavily against my neck, calling my name, squeezing me between his legs and doing whatever he could to bury me deeper inside him. I felt the tenderness of the climax coming and did my best to make my final thrusts longer, enjoying every second of the reactions I had on him. His insides twitched when I came and Steve pulled my face to kiss me.

We separated slowly, almost against our will, and I didn't got off him. One of mine breathless sighs arroused his nipple as he moaned softly.

"Are you gonna miss me... All that much?" - I asked, provocative, and Steve lost his fingers on my hair.

"No. I'm gonna miss you much, much more..."

I bite his lower lip and sucked it between mine. Kissed his neck, drawing an imaginary line to his chest and went down through his stunning physical till get the inside part of his thighs. Steve grabbed my hair and lost control of his strength at the moment I shoved all of him inside my mouth.

I could feel the urge of his excitation on my tongue, so I slid his dick out and brushed my lips on its head, making him moan a little too loud. I repeated the move over and over, increasing the pressure and the speed with which I was sucking. I let my hands go up his body and slightly scratch his white skin; same way he was scratching my nape and shoulders.

I sucked him hard one last time and, when I noticed he let go of my hair and was about to come, got off him and finished the job with my hands. Watched him heavy breathing before asking, maliciously:

"Maybe _that_ can ease your distress?"

Steve opened his eyes and looked up, exhausted. I couldn't help being kinda proud of seeing him breathless.

"No." - He answered and I crawled over his body to get face to face. - "But you're welcome to try again tomorrow..."

I kissed his perfect lips and laid on my side of the bed, just as tired as him. Steve pulled  back the sheets we kicked out of the bed and wrapped us on it, resting his head over my chest. I held him carefully against me.

"Don't you wanna put your pjs on again?" - I asked when he seemed chilly, but Steve shook his head.

"What for, since we'll take it off again tomorrow morning?" - He shrugged and I laughed. - "I really like to sleep with you like this...."

If with 'like this' he meant 'driving me crazy only with the heat of his skin', well then, I really liked it too. After that demonstration of how Steve would miss me, I let my mind rest and had one peaceful night without dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  Well, I have no excuses for the last three weeks. Only that I was really sick and dangerously lazy, so I decided to take a break. I'll try to make it up.
> 
> I won't take your time here. I just want to say that my Russian translator wasn't a pro, so if there's any mistake, please let me know. Anyway, thank you Natacha, for trying to help me with my "delusions of grandeur".  
> *I wrote the translation of the Russian in parenthesis, so even if it's wrong in Russian, you'll understand :)
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos, bookmarks, hits and comments :) Hope to see you next week!


	19. Foolish

I was getting used to wake up with Steve kissing me gently and there shouldn't be a better way to wake. And he was particularly sweet at the next morning; despite my efforts to get a reason, his only answer was that he had had a good night.

"You're a terrible liar, Steven." - I said, but he pretended to not hear and went to the kitchen. I searched for my pants on the floor before going after him, but the mess we did was giving me a hard time. - "Hey, Steve. Do you know where are my pants?"

After a little while in silence, he answered: "I guess I'm wearing them..."

I laughed to myself and tried to find HIS pants to wear, unsuccessfully again. So i wrapped my waist on the sheet, making Steve laugh hard when saw me.

"I never knew that you'd look so nice wearing bed linen, huh."

"Yeah, you too look great stealing my clothes."

He put his arms around my shoulders and brushed the tip of our noses. I held his waist.

"I really didn't want to go out today..." - I admitted sighing and he patted my hair.

"I know. But it's been a good thing for you, don't you think? You seem to be getting better... And you'll come back earlier than you notice. And we'll get the rest of the year just for us."

"With the rest of the year you mean... The last week of the year?"

"You'd be surprised with all the things I can do in a week" - Steve answered and gave another kiss. We had breakfast together and the car came to take me to another boring day at work...

Although they didn't seem to be afraid of me, none of the agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. seemed to have interest on _speaking_ to me either; so the trip was really silent and uncomfortable. There were rare times when we met some stupid enemy and my presence was really necessary; the most part of the time it was just me and some fellas doing a tour around secret facilities.

Usually, those missions lasted all day long, and my only distraction was try to memorize the names of the people working around me. That was the most fun I could get out of it. Once in a while, I had the impression that someone was watching me and, even if I tried to explain to myself that it was only because I was new around there, it felt fucking horrible and all I wanted to do was to come back home and lay low,

When I went back home, with my head and my mood at the limit, I found Steve reading one of his books, lying on the couch.

"Hey, you're home! How was it?" 

"As usual..." - I shrugged and he laughed. - "S.H.I.E.L.D.'s moving services."

"Didn't find anyone to punch today?"

"No." - I sighed. - "And you? How did you spend your day?"

"I've read." - He showed the book. - "And wrote a checklist for our Christmas shopping. Won't be an exciting mission as the one you had but might not be so boring. Might. Do you still want to go tomorrow?"

I nodded and Steve kissed me again. This time I didn't let him go, kept our lips together and asked, not so gently, permission to deepen the kiss . I let our tongues do the talk  till we got breathless. He moaned softly against my mouth, with eyes closed. I stroke his cheek with the tip of my fingers and received one of his gorgeous smiles in return.

"Hm... Who's clingy now?"

I fell on the couch and pulled him to sit over me, embracing his hips and bringing it to me.

"You should take some time to rest, Buck." - Steve said while kissing my neck and I scratched his back under the shirt. Without answering, I pulled his head onto another kiss and, for one brief second, he seemed to fall for my distraction. But Steve wasn't as easy to convince as me. - "Bucky..."

"I'm not tired at all, Steve."

His eyes scanned me carefully to see if I was telling the truth. I guess he believed, 'cause after a couple seconds, his mouth was back on my neck; his hands went down through my chest, undressing me slowly. When my skin was completely SHOWN, he went down to my pants. I took his shirt off with one only pull; Steve threw his head back, confident that both of my arms were there to hold him.

"Wanna go to bed or stay here?" - I brought him in and whispered on his ear, already guessing the answer. Steve shot me a naughty smile and held me on the couch; I'd laugh of his hurry if I weren't so focused on kissing his jaw line.

I laid back, trying to pay attention to every detail. Steve's body was probably the closest thing to perfection in this world; I could worship every inch of him or the rest of my life and yet, it wouldn't be enough.

His hands went to pinch my nipples and I brought him to a kiss. He moaned softly when I touched his back again, scratching up and down.

"God, I missed those lips..." – Steve breathed against my mouth.  There weren’t words enough to describe how I felt when I was with him; just to be with him, kissing and caressing and touching. I lick his lips slowly, my tongue playing with the urges of his mouth.

“Good to know… ‘Cause they missed you too.” – I brought him to another kiss, desperate to make a mess out of us both. He lost his fingers down on my hair, massaging a stiff spot on my neck. - “That’s feels nice…”

“Yeah?” – He did it again, squeezing my shoulders and letting go; and it felt good. - “You’re feeling pretty tense… Is that because of your… Arm?” - The question was a little uncomfortable, but not as much as Steve seemed to be. My arm was a fucking problem? Yeah. But, as I told him before, sometimes I could even forget about that shit.

            I brushed the tips of our noses, pulling in some air while making him laugh. He stared at my chest carefully, sliding the tip of his index finger through my skin, from shoulder to shoulder and smiled.

             “I want you, Buck... All of you.” – He whispered, kissing the scar between my metal arm and my shoulder before going up through my throat, to my mouth, and give me one of those kisses in which we couldn’t control our desire and ended up going hard at each other. A thirsty kiss, greedy and insane. My favorite kind of kiss.

               Steve pushed me down to the carpet and inverted our positions, and I should be waiting for _that_.

 “You are incorrigible...” – I tried to say, but he sat over my lap and started to kiss my chest, neck and chin, till stop on my mouth again. I held his waist and stroke his soft skin with the tip of my fingers. Steve didn’t seem to bother about leaving welts on me anymore. While our mouths were working on each other, his arms were trying to push my body into his.  I kissed every part of his face and he patted my hair.

             “You did it again” – I whispered against his lips.

“Sorry… It was too much.” – Steve said. – “But I just can’t resist pushing you on this carpet…”

I laughed and kissed him again. I had absolutely nothing to complain about _that_.

The rest of the night was pretty much like that; ironically  we were much like the old guys our IDs said we were. Except, of course, when we were on mission or on the living room’s floor.

Steve was so excited to go out tomorrow that I wondered if it would be his first _actually_ merry Christmas in decades. He was so proud of his plans and had done so much research; I tried to believe that he was actually feeling all that and not only acting. I heard each one of his words, trying to imagine a good gift that could say all the things I wanted to. Fortunately, when I closed my eyes, I’ve already knew exactly what to buy.

 “Bucky!” – I heard his voice calling me out of the unpleasant darkness of my sleepy mind. – “Wake up.”

 “What, Steve?” – I asked, putting my arms around him to cuddle, and almost fell asleep again.

 “It’s snowing again.”

 “Of course it is. It’s winter.” – I answered and he snorted back. – “Okay, I’m awake.” – I opened my eyes but fail to contain yawn. – “And what’s the problem with snow?”

 “Do you still want to go shopping today? Even with the snow?”

“I do. Don’t you?”

“Hm... Yep. But, you know, mornings with snow are ideal for if you stay under the covers…”

              I laughed.

“Don’t be a lazy ass, Steve. We have a long day ahead, according to your schedule? We’ve got to start early.”

I did my best to get out of the bed and get the mood to go outside, ‘cause I was as lazy as he.  Washed my face, brushed my teeth and tried to not feel like shit; kinda did.

 “Did you sleep well?” – I asked when he embraced my waist while I was fixing our breakfast.

“Yeah.” – He kissed my nape. – “And you?”

 “Very well. I had a great idea right before sleeping and it made me sleep like a rock.”

He bit his lower lip.

“Great idea? What idea?” - I shushed my mouth with my index finger and his eyes widened in surprise. – “Secret? Since when you have secrets for me, Bucky?”

“Don’t _Bucky_ me, ‘cause it ain’t gonna happen.” – I said. – “I’ll rather to see your surprise face when you open it on Christmas night.”

“Is it my present?”

“It was implicit, right?” – I joked.

 “Jerk.” – He kissed me. We had a quick breakfast and went off to our first time as a couple doing Christmas shopping. Once in a while, Steve tried to find out the secret of his gift, but I resisted all his advances till he calmed down and concentrated on what we had to do.

There was a gift list attached to his schedule, which was a clear sign that I shouldn’t let him have much of free time.

 “I had no idea that you’re Santa Claus, Steve” – I commented when I saw his list. He had a specific gift for each one. – “Who the hell is Jane?”

 “She’s Thor’s girlfriend. I couldn’t show up there with gifts for everyone and nothing for her… She’ll probably feel displaced for not knowing anyone; I wanna be gentle…”

 “My name is not on this list.”

“It’s because you weren’t a nice boy this year.” – He answered without turning to face me, still searching for Banner’s gift.

 “What? _I_ wasn’t a nice boy? In what hell of world _I_ am not a nice boy and” – I checked to see if the name was on the list. – “Tony Stark is?”

 “Do you really believe that I’d be stupid enough to tell you what’s your gift, Buck? I think I’ll prefer to see your surprise face…” – He made the silliest impression of me. – “Which one you like?”

Steve showed me two male shirts and I picked one. At the same store we got gifts for all the other guys (I just had no idea who’s gonna get what).

"Please stop trying to find out if your gift is there!" - He scolded when caught me double checking the bags. - "Haven't you read the schedule? There's a specific hour for your present, this 'split' right here." - And pointed something on the note. – “Now we’ll look for the girls.”

I took the note from his hands to analyze it

"You really didn't read the schedule."

"And you really _are_ a control freak." - I laughed.

"I've always been." - He shrugged and pulled me to go on. If the guys part had been easy, the girls wasn't, I thanked for Steve's checklist.

We found really bizarre shops, from electronics to perfumes. In one of them, the one of jewelry, Steve seemed a little too anxious to choose.

"Who'll get this one?" - I asked, trying to be helpful, but it seemed to make his nervous. His blue eyes stared me and I couldn't say if he was sad or upset. So I tried to reassure him with a smile.

"It... It's not on the list. It's for an old friend." - It was what he said and it was enough. I walked away discreetly, pretending to be interested on something else. Steve took his time there and, when he came to me, I noticed a small blue velvet box on his hands. Didn't ask.

"Well..." - He sighed. - "This is the moment we split. Don't even think about following me."

"I could tell you the same." - I answered and he didn't deny. - "We'll meet here?"

"Yep."

We split up and luckily, I had no trouble to find the one store I was looking for. Actually, I was so decided that it didn't even take five minutes. I put it carefully in my jacket's pocket and walked back to where we'd meet.

"Is all that for me?" - I asked when he came back with empty hands.

"Almost. We could share it" - He replied and I noticed that he's looking for his own present.

"Don't even try, Steve. I'll get it on Christmas only." - He rolled his eyes. - "And now, what will we do?"

"Now we're going to the mall. There's a kids STORE there, where we'll find Scarlett's gifts."

I nodded and we went to the mall. He told me about what he had in mind to buy for the baby and I had one of those moments when you realize how deeply in love you are for someone. It was still funny to feel that, but in a good way; Even after those years as a killer, as a machine, I was still capable of feeling something so pure and sweet and _crazy_ like love, and it was a monumental proof that I wasn't the killer or the machine!.

"So..." - Steve said and I came straight back to the real world. - "I asked Pepper for a special list of everything she wanted for Scarlett." - He pulled out the piece of paper from his pocket and I heard a strange noise. - "Ignore that. And she sent me these ten things and we'll get it all. Alright?"

"Alright, Captain." - I hit salute and took the list Pepper sent us to check. - "Will we find everything we need here?"

"According to the internet, yes." - Steve answered uncertain and we went down the endless corridors, after socks and toys and other stuff. In the end, the ten items of Pepper's list became twenty.

While we were waiting in line, I wondered if that experience would make Steve talk about the plans he had made. Sometimes I even caught him looking at me with an unreadable  face, but he didn't say anything.

We got lucky to meet a girl that was really happy to be working on a Saturday afternoon. She had a sweet comment about every item and it was funny until she asked if all those gifts were for our daughter.

"Ah, no..." - Steve hushed up to answer and I didn't know if I should laugh or get offended. - "It's for a friends' daughter."

"Oh, I'm sorry." - She said, still smiling heartily. - "I thought that you two..."

"That's okay." - I answered, smiling. We took our purchases and left. - "Are we done?

"I think so."

Steve opened a really cute smile and any bad feeling I had had about him not saying a thing about the attendant's mistake vanished. I was almost getting used with his decision of not talking. We went back home and he kept laughing all the way back while playing with our hands.

"What?"

"Nothing." - He muffled a laugh. - "It's just that your gift is _really_ good."

The rest of my week was filled with teases like that one and, the closer of Christmas we were, more annoying he became.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How about that?
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> My headcanon for their kisses:
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> Yeah, that's how mature I am :)
> 
> Again, I'm grateful for all the comments, kudos, bookmarks, hits and love! Thank you very much!  
> But I won't be able to post the next week chapter :/ I'll try to make it up  
> Hope you have a nice week!


	20. Christmas Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Please, don't judge Tony for being an ass - he's only doing his thing :)

When the Christmas Eve finally arrived, everything was covered by snow and my Golden Retriever-kind-of-boyfriend was at the edge of his excitement. He was like a child waiting for Santa and I thought there was a real chance of him exploding.

We arranged to have lunch with Sam before he went to the airport on his well-deserved holidays. It’d have been great (mostly for me!) if he had accepted our invitation to come with us to the _Avengers_ Tower, but Sam already had his own plans. He wished us a merry Christmas and said goodbye.

By the end of the afternoon, there wasn’t way out and we went to the last destination of the night; the big building with a huge “A” was intimidating enough by itself, but the big guy with blond hair and bright smile who greeted us by the door was even more.

Steve shook hands with Thor and I wasn’t surprised to learn that _that guy_ was actually the Norse God of Thunder. Thor had something about him that screamed “ _I’m Thor, Norse God of Thunder_!”.

“Thor, this is Bucky, my boyfriend. Bucky, this is... Thor.”

“Nice to meet you, Bucky!” - He didn’t shake hands with me. Thor gave a fucking bear hug! I wondered if he was a big happy dog just as my Steve. – “I’d introduce you to Jane, but...” – He turned around to look at Banner, talking excitedly to a pretty brown-haired girl. – “I’ve lost her to Banner half hour ago. Meanwhile, we’re playing.”

At a corner of the living room there was a table-tennis table and, around of it, Tony Stark, Pepper and their little Scarlett.

“Really, Tony?” – Steve asked, clearly mocking.  – “A table-tennis table? Are we fifteen now?”

“What? It’s cool! And Thor likes it!” – Tony shrugged and Thor agreed. We came closer to say hello and to leave the gifts under the ridiculously big Christmas tree. – “Actually, I was wondering if you, Steve, wouldn’t be interested on replacing me as the adversary to our beloved foreign friend here, while I’m spoiling the precious sweetie daddy’s little girl here.” – His voice changed to talk with the daughter.

“Oh, c’mon, Tony!” – Pepper laughed, putting the baby on his arms. - “You’re just tired of losing!”

“One: I wasn’t _losing_ ; I was being a good host. And two...”

“You _were_ losing”. – Thor finished. – “But what do you say, Cap? Wanna join in?”

Steve shook his head. – “Oh, no. I suck on it.” – He admitted with a half smile.

“What about you, Bucky?” – Thor turned to me. – “Wanna play?”

The three of them turned to me as well, as if my answer would decide the fate of Earth. So I held my breath and said:

“Sure, why not?”

“Yeah!” – Thor celebrated and was scolded by Pepper. – “Sorry, baby Scar.” – and added quietly another ‘yeah’.

 

Well, definitely Thor was a big happy dog. He offered me the other racket, really excited, and started the game. For the first time in forever, I thanked (yes, _thanked_ ) for that metal arm. Damn, that guy was strong!”

I had zero memories of being good at table-tennis, but I wasn’t bad at all. It distracted us for a while and, when I noticed the world around us, even Banner and the Jane woman stopped to watch us.

“I didn’t know that you played so well...” – Steve said when _Thor_ andI (saying it sounds really weird) decided to call off the game after a very hard tie.

“Neither did I.” – I answered honestly. – “I guess it’s one of the perks of having this shit attached to me.” – I showed me arm and Steve smiled.

“I guess you’ll never cease to amaze me...”

“And I haven’t even started yet...” – I joked and Steve raised his eyebrows. – “Don’t worry… A couple hours and you’ll know, babe...”

After some time, I was talking to other people almost calmly and feeling a little bit less misplaced. Pepper was nice and sweet as usual, and Tony always found a way to get into our talk, making his jokes. Dr. Banner seemed to be as lost as me, I wondered if, just as me, he wasn’t used to have so many people around him. I’ve tried my best to be likeable when he came to me and even with Jane, whom I didn’t know at all, I had a good conversation.

Natasha and Barton arrived a little before midnight, also bringing some gifts and she seemed very well. But it was with _him_ that I had the greatest talk of the evening. I was sitting on the couch when Barton came to me, bringing two beers.

“Do you want one?” – He casually offered and I took it. – “I’ve heard that you’re working with S.H.I.E.L.D. now.”

I knew that _now_ was just an expression to easily start the talk.

“Are tired of being Maria Hill’s office boy, Barnes?” – He asked right way.

“What?”

“Are you tired? Would you be interested on doing something else?”

“Is this a test?”

“It’s more like... A job interview.” – Barton shrugged. – “My team is incomplete and I need someone with... A very specific skills set. I hate to muck the night but... It’s hard to get you alone. So? Are you tired of being office boy?”

“You bet your ass I am.” – We toast with beers and he smiled. Our conversation could last hours, but it ended up unfinished ‘cause Pepper and Tony called us to watch the fireworks.

After midnight, I watched my boyfriend getting and giving gifts, waiting on the corner for my turn. When he finally came to me, we sneaked out to the balcony; I held his gift inside my pocket, anxiously.

“The best for the last.” – He said, putting his hand on his pocket too, smiling. – “You used to say, back at the days, that you really wanted one. You would... Come back after the war and buy yourself the best one you could get. I hope you like it.”

“Are you... Are you giving me a car, Steven?” – I asked in shock when Steve put a car key on my hand. – “Really?”

“You’ve always said that you wanted it.  It’s on its way to our garage already.” – He answered proudly and my expression. Must’ve been hilarious ‘cause it made him giggle. I stared at the key for a few seconds, in absolute disbelief. – “Well, now mine.”

“Ah... It’s not a car.” – I started. – “But it’s what I have of _mine_. The one thing I have left. And I want to give it to you, Steve.”

I pulled the small black velvet box out of my pocket and offered to him to open. Steve’s expression. on the instant he saw the pair of golden rings shining on the midlight was priceless.

“Is this...”

“The only thing I have left. The last thing I own.”

“And this...” – He didn’t finish the sentence.

“Means ‘do you wanna marry me, Steve Rogers?’”,

Steve kept silence – not uncomfortably though. It kinda made me wanna laugh and scream and have all the feels at once.

“It’s not for now, ya know. It’s only... A pledge. We’ve waited long enough, we’ve lost so much time... And I don’t want to waste any other second. All I want is you to know that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you... So? Do you accept?”

For the first time, Steve looked away from the rings and our eyes met. His face was something among surprised, happy and mind blown.

“Do I really need to give you an answer?”

“That’d be nice.”

Steve put his arms around my neck, pulling me closer to his face and brought our lips together, slowly invading my mouth with his tongue. When our breath was completely gone, he backed off a little, but still close enough to brush the tips of our noses and whisper against my lips.

“Yes...”

I smiled and embraced his waist carefully.

“So… Worth waiting for this?” – I asked, watching him admiring our rings and, wordless, Steve nodded. – “Wanna try it on?”

Steve offered me his left hand and I put the ring on his finger, glad for choosing the right size. He looked at his own hand, gazing at my gift, our new _status_ , maybe wondering how it would work.

“Perfect” – He said and kissed me in the way that just Steve Rogers could ever kiss.

“As everything related to you…” – I completed. – “But now, we should… Get in or… Someone will… Catch us.” – I’ve tried to say, but Steve was too damn amorous to listen me, kissing everywhere around my face.

“I don’t give a damn.” – He answered simply.

“But you will when Tony starts to piss us off during dinner. You know he will.”

Steve rolled his eyes back.

“Why hypothetical Tony has to ruin our moment?

“Cause that’s pretty much what he does. And we can have our moment later, at home.” – I kissed his neck and enlaced our hands.

“What you’re gonna do?”

“I’m keeping this. We shouldn’t wear it before we’re properly married, right? It’s bad luck.”

“Hell we should! You’re making this up. It looks better on my hand, so...”

“I’ll give you back later” – I’ve tried but failed to convince him. – “So what about _you_  keep them safe?”

Didn’t think I’d get him with this, but Steve accepted and put the rings on his pocket, seconds before Thor came to call us for dinner. My _fiancée_ pulled me back to the dining room and that big group of weird people sat together around the table.

I tried not to get pissed with our host during dinner, but Tony had found a magnet and was using it to play with my arm.

“You’re an idiot.” – Steve said when noticed that I wouldn’t say a thing.

“Ah… Vincent doesn’t seem to have any problem.” – Tony defended and I muffled a laugh.

“Vincent?” – Thor stopped eating to ask. – “I thought your name was Bucky.”

Oh, please… Don’t turn the subject to me…

“My name is James, actually.” – I answered, trying to sound chill. – “Bucky is my nickname and _Vincent_ is something stupid that Tony came up with.”

“And why he came up with it?”

“Ah... It’s from _Pulp Fiction_. – I said, hoping that they’d know what I was talking about. – “I had a longer hair when I met Tony and Pepper for the first time. And then he had this ‘brilliant idea’.”- I finished as ironically as possible.

Natasha and Barton, who had seem my longer hair, laughed. Steve shoved his hand down the table and I thought he’d do something to call the attention to himself, like throw the rings on someone. But, before he could do anything, Dr. Banner said:

“He doesn’t look like Vincent Vega anymore, Tony. Your joke is not funny anymore.”

“Are you insinuating that I should invent a new one?” – For the first time, Tony distracted from my arm to look at the friend.

“No! That’s the opposite of what I said!” – Banner rushed to say but it was too late and Stark was already looking for a new way to fuck with me. Embarrassed, the doctor apologized from the distance.

Anyway, the dinner was even funny, mostly because Steve was almost screaming that he wanted to go away. I myself was very interested on coming back home and celebrate our engagement at our own way. When we got up to leave, he pulled me to the front door, trying to say goodbye, but Pepper held us.

“No, no one will leave tonight. We’ve planned a sleep over to inaugurate the tower in peaceful times!” – She explained cheerfully. – “We’ll have breakfast and a special lunch tomorrow too.”

We looked at each other and Steve even tried to argue, saying that we’d come back tomorrow, that we haven’t had pajamas, but she seemed prepared for everything he said. In the end, it was interesting to see somebody else winning a conversation with Steve, to change…

“We’ve been working on those personalized bedrooms for like _months_ , and they’re awesome! You guys are gonna love it!” – Pepper commented, excited, when we gave up and followed her through the corridor.

 _Yes_ , the room was really awesome. It was huge, with a _king_ size bed and blue robes with an “A” on the chest.

“Tony’s got a little tendentious.” – She explained. – “But they’re comfortable as hell.”

For what it seemed, each Avenger had a carefully planned and decorated bedroom. I wondered how much money the Starks had to make something so neat.

Against his will, Steve accepted to sleep over and I laughed inside of the fact that Pepper was persuasive even when she wasn’t pregnant; all of them accepted to stay.

“She wasn’t lying… This robe is fucking comfy.” – I said when Steve and I were left alone. He was still a little pissed when closed the door, but smile at the second I held his waist.

“ _You_ seem really comfortable…” – He said, putting his arms around my neck, bringing us closer.

“And you don’t…” – I replied, giving him a peck. – “Why is this?”

“You know damn right why...” – Steve raised his eyebrows, sliding one hand through my chest. – “I wanted to go to our home, to our bed, enjoy my Christmas gift…”

I shoved my hand in his pocket and he shut those beautiful eyes to feel me groping till get to the small box.

“You can enjoy your gift right here.” – I showed him the rings. – “Did you see they’re _personalized_?” – I emphasized the last word just to make him bite his lips.

“Personalized? Wow.” – He took one of them of my hands and looked at the inscription. – “ _Till the end of Time_ ”…

“I thought you’d like.”

He looked up to me, smiling and did nothing but the same.

“You really know how to make a boy say ‘yes’.”

“I’m a romantic guy.” - I’ve tried to sound cool but ended up cheesy as a teenage in love. Steve put his hands on my chest and slowly pushed me to the bed.

He put me laid down over the blanket, putting his legs around my hips. I ran my hands down his body, pulling him to my chest, touching his lips with my own, first gently; and then Steve was kissing passionately, trying to get rid of my clothes with hurry. I opened his jeans, almost as rushed as him.

When his chest was completely exposed, Steve’s attention turned back to my pants, slowly slipping them down and getting to my underwear. He smiled maliciously against my lips, touching my boner. I kissed his neck, holding myself back not to bite him as I wanted, and Steve moaned.

“Shhh... They’re gonna hear you”

“I don’t give a damn” – Steve answered, insolently, and didn’t stop kissing my face. – “Actually, I’m not in the mood to keep it quiet tonight…”

I pressed my lips against his one more time.

“You’ll regret this tomorrow morning…”

“Not if you do it right.”

I couldn’t help but laugh; But Steve wasn’t joking. I felt his hand stroking my cock and he bit my lower lip; I closed my eyes **,** feeling breathless while he slowly began to jerk me off **.** With his mouth next to my ear, Steve whispered:

“Are you committed to it, _Agent Barnes_?”

“No…” – I muttered and Steve stared me a bit confused.

“Won’t you do it right?” – He asked humorous.

“No, it’s just… I remembered that… There’s a baby next door...”

“So?” – I bit my own lip, trying to figure out what to say next. Steve didn’t need it. – “No. You can’t be serious, Buck. She won’t listen to us.”

            “Sorry. But just picturing that the baby girl is right over there… I just don’t think I can…” – I explained and he looked really surprised. – “We can’t do it at the place she’s spending her first Christmas, Steve.”

            That idea killed me with guilt!

“It’s bad luck too?” – He mocked, frowning and coming off of me.

“I promise you, the moment we get home!” – I kissed him and Steve smiled.

“You won’t have a choice, _hubby_. I’ll make you pay for every instant I can’t have you. And you’ll figure out that ‘bad luck’ is to not satisfy your fiancée on your engagement night”.

“Can’t wait” – I answered and Steve snorted. – “But till then…”

“You’re fucking unfair”.

“Who, me? Who’s being all moody, ignoring the fact that I proposed to you?” – I replied, surprising him.

“I’m gonna fuck you _so_ bad when we get home, James Barnes”.

“Do you think that’s a good thought to start a marriage?” – I provoke and Steve rolled his eyes, but didn’t say a thing, just got up and finished undressing casually, while watching me tempting. Only on his under pants, he came back to be, moaning softy. “Steve…” – it was all I could say, feeling his thighs close to my skin.

“What? I’m just getting comfortable to bed. Aren’t we going to sleep?”

I was the one rolling my eyes this time; lying beside him and running my hands through his arms clinging on him.

“Hey, Cap” – I whispered on his ear. “It’s not ‘cause we won’t have sex that we can’t… Do other stuff…

Steve turned around on my arms, to look me in the eyes. For a second, I thought he’d be angry, but he simply said:

“Happens that the other stuff leaves only one stuff on my head. And I’ve been accused of being unfair tonight, so…”

“Really, Steve? You won’t be my small spoon on the night we got engaged?” – I pouted and Steve’s expression became lighter, when he opened that big bright smile to me and put arms on my shoulders, bringing me closer to a kiss.

“You’ve got some goddamn points…” – he joked and we hugged to sleep. “But don’t you think we’re over”.

“Never would…”

Steve patted the back of my head, same way he used to make me sleep again after some nightmare. And it was close to work when a thunder woke me up.

“Oh, hell…” – he complained. “I deserve…”

“Rain?”

“Thor” – It took me a while to get it. Steve arched the eyebrows as if the answer was obvious.

“Ohh...” – I understood, embarrassed. “This is him…”

“Yep” – he nodded. “Celebrating Christmas Eve, I suppose… And they are not who got engaged”.

I wasn’t supposed to hear the last words. But I did. And hell that made sense!

My body acted all by itself, coming over him. I licked my lips, facing those blue eyes and felt like the biggest jerk of all time – so I put my legs over his, starting to ride his hips at the same time we went back on kissing.

A new thunder and Steve pushed me back, confused.

“What _the hell_ are you doing?”

“I’m stopping with my bullshit and letting you enjoy your Christmas present as I do the same.” – I answered, my face buried on the curve of his neck. – “You’re right. If anyone should feel it tonight” – I indicated the thunders. – “It should be us.”

He liked my answer, ‘cause all the excitement from before came back _really_ fast, and soon we were already over each other, his legs hooking up on my hips, pulling my underwear off.

“You’re like Russian roulette. Really.” – Steve joked, gasping and biting the lobe of my ear, sounding somewhere between rushed and horny.

 **“** Выпонятиянеимеете(you have no idea)” – I replied, getting rid of his underwear and kneeling over the mattress, ready to admire the masterpiece his body was. When Steve laid on his back more comfortably, getting me between his legs, his hands went down his thighs and he closed his eyes while starting to touch his own boner.

“So… Will you join me or gonna stay watching only?” – Steve provoked, stroking himself to turn me on. I fell down over him, bringing our lips together, and replacing his hand with my own. He moaned underbreath. – “No joking this time, right?”

“No joking.” – I was under my breath too, lying on his body and playing with our legs. Our members brushedup and Steve’s hips moved against me. – “Just you and me, no humor involved. What do you think?”

“Idiot.” – He said, kissing my neck on that goddamn way to drive me crazy. His hands ran down my chest, as if he was drawing every inch of my body, stopping on my waist. I pulled his face into another kiss and covered with kisses my way through his skin, moaning softly till reach his crotch under the sheets.

“Hmm… Special treat?” – He asked when my mouth first touched his dick , messing my hair up.

“Our special night must to be special.” – I answered, getting on my knees by the bed and pulling him closer. – “After all, we do deserve some thunders tonight, huh?”

Steve smiled and I scratched his hips slightly, just before starting to suck him, with such urge that got him surprised. He thrusted against my mouth, maybe ignoring the fact that I was _only human_ – for the first time. It took me some time to keep up with him.

“Alright?” – He asked, gasping. With that vision, I couldn’t be better, but had no air to answer it, so I just keep doing my good work as I started to touch his butt. – “Yeah, damn…”

When Steve realized how hard he was already, he pulled my head by the hair, making me face him, deliciously breathless. I was probably the only person who could make fucking Captain America look that good, and I was damn proud.

“Your turn…” – He moaned, sitting over the mattress and making me get up. I wondered if his lungs would bear such a task, but when he shoved me into his mouth and sucked me the hardest… I remembered that I was with a Super Soldier.

I lost control of my own reactions a little too easily – which wasn’t my usual. All I could do was keeping my tone down, hopefully. While he was satisfying me with his hella mouth, Steve grabbed my ass with enthusiasm and I wanted him to touch me deeply there. With the little rest of sanity I still had, I led his hand to my hole. Steve looked up at me, a little uncertain, but soon understood what I wanted and gently started to play with my anus, first round of it, and then he penetrated.

It was my first time trying it, so the pain only surprised me for not being much. Although Steve had lubed his fingers as well as he could, I still expected for pain --- but he knew well how to overcome it and fuck! His fingers were good at it!

When I was completely satisfied, I push him back over the mattress, and his legs wrapped me. I licked my fingers to lube his entrance, working him open, trying to relax the muscles. My dick was lubed enough from his blowjob, but I thought it would be better to double check it, to guarantee nothing would hurt my Steve on our engagement night. I spread his legs and got inside of him, in much need of that intense heat. Steve moaned deliciously.

His lips went through my face, neck and shoulder, sending chills everywhere they touched; his hands slid down my back to my thighs, assuming the control of the movements of my pelvis. My thrusts became harder and he held tightly on my shoulders, heavy breathing against my chest.

I rushed up as Steve asked for more; His kisses became deeper and his tongue, bolder. I got on my knees above him, penetrating deeper his body. Steve closed his eyes and bit his lips as I put both hands on his chest and lightly scratched my way through his body, till I got to his intimacy; He moaned beautifully and brought me to his lips. I moved slowly, changing our positions, and he seemed to like the inversion, sitting over my lap and making me sit straight too.

Leaning over my shoulders, he slid me into himself and I kissed his chest, leaving some teeth marks here and there. I sensed his insides writhing, burning around my cock; I rocked my pelvis, following his rhythm and Steve grabbed my hair to pull me over another kiss.

“Don’t stop...” - he said, brushing our lips when our breath was gone. – “Please, don’t stop…”

 “At your service, Captain” – I answered and pulled my hair once more. I kissed his neck devoutly and Steve moaned against my ear, driving me completely crazy.

I pushed harder against him and felt Steve’s legs loosen around my waist. I held him closer and kept him sat over my legs, chest to chest. His cum wet my abdomen and making him feel like that only made me get more excited.

Steve threw his body backwards, falling on the mattress, holding my shoulders to keep me inside of his tight hole. I adjusted our positions quickly to not go with my whole weight over him and hurt him (Steve was good on missing those little details when we were on bed…) and continued thrusting, sensing him squirm with pleasure.

He moaned my name softly and scratched my nape again and again. My hands slid through his body, syncing our moves, feeling next to the end. I forced myself deeper and harder inside of him, trying to muffle my own moans; Steve grabbed my ass and I could feel his nails trying to tear me down.

I moved slowly out of him, and rolled to my side of the bed. Steve leaned on my chest, kissing my skin gently, while I hold his waist.

 “We’re... _really_...” – He started, heavy breathing. His eyes were bright and I couldn’t be happier for being the reason of that glow.

 “Yeah, I know... We’re pretty good.”

 “And you didn’t want to do it...” – Steve mocked, biting his lip. I kissed him quickly. – “What changed your mind?”

 “I’m russian roulette.” – I shrugged.

 “But what about the baby and all that story? You seemed so convinced…”

 “Well, I’d have to get over it someday, don’t?” – I answered, holding him closer. – “After all, when we have our own… We’d not wait for him to go to college to have sex, right? We’re too good for it…”

Steve stared me surprised for a few seconds. He seemed a little too shocked from what I expect, but still lovely. I put my metal arm around his body and stroked him skin.

 “Did you... Think about having our own baby?”

 “I wouldn’t propose to you if I weren’t thinking about starting a family, baby... And after I saw you completely fool for cute baby Stark, it was kinda obvious. Even for me.”

Steve laughed, patting my hair fondly..

“You’re the sweetest, you know that?”

 “Of course I am, I’m _Bucky Bear_ ” – I replied, cocky and he laughed. – “But don’t tell everyone, ‘k?”

 “Your secret identity is safe with me.” – Steve joked, turning around in my arms and lying down on my chest. – “Now don’t think I’ll be able to sleep…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is me, trying to climb off the pit. I hope you like it :)  
> Thanks for all the bookmarks, the kudos, the comments and the hits! You're the best!
> 
> I'll explain a couple of thing in this [post](http://i-am-all-over-the-place.tumblr.com/post/133300448451/take-on-me-chapter-20/) if you feel like you need some explanation


	21. Nice guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's been a while -- I'm sorry.

Steve held my metal hand and played with it over his chest. Differently from him, I felt relaxed and ready for good night sleep; my eyes were already closed when I realized that he had stopped playing with my hand.

“What you doing?” – I asked, without opening my eyes, when he got off the bed.

“You fucked my head up so much tonight that I’ve forgotten I wanted to see one thing.” – Steve answered and came back to my side, taking my left hand again and putting the golden ring on my finger. Although I was happy with everything that happened on our night, I couldn’t help being sad when I saw that ring on the metal finger. Yeah, I was getting used to that arm, and it has shown to be pretty useful now and then… But it wasn’t me.

“It’s perfect!” - Steve celebrated, smiling openly and I felt a little bit less unhappy. He offered me the other ring to put on his finger, which I did just before kissing it.

“I love you, Steve.” – I whispered and he pulled me to lean on his chest. I kissed his skin calmly, admiring the way his body reacted to mine, shivering every time my lips touched it. – “And I’m sure I always did.”

Steve hugged me carefully and held my face with the free hand, making me look at him.

“I always loved you, Bucky. And I always will, more and more.” – He said, bringing together the tips of our noses. – “Now that I can show you this love every day, sleep and wake up with you, right here, held by my arms… You can be sure that I won’t give this up. For anything.”

I smiled on his lips, possibly more in love with him than I was two seconds ago, and Steve kissed me. I put my arms around his neck, bringing his lips next to mine while playing with his hair. He sighed between kisses, inviting my tongue to play with his. The more I kissed him, more I wanted to.

I placed my head on the pillow, not bringing us apart and Steve rested over my chest. I took his hand on mine; that ring really was perfect for him.

“I could spend the rest of my life being with you like this…” – He whispered. – “I wouldn’t mind getting used to hold you 24/7…”

“You know, it’s not so different from what we usually do…” – I made him laugh, nodding. – “On _our_ bed is much more pleasurable but it wasn’t so bad in here either…”

“I prefer our bed too…” – Steve bit his lower lip, hiding his face on the curve of my neck, making me giggle with his soft breath. – “Can’t wait to be back at home…”

I held his body, taking a deep breath on his natural scent. Couldn’t be more excited to get back _home_ , although part of me wished that moment to last forever; And it kinda upset me knowing that in few hours we’d have to get up and _be social_ – which wouldn’t involve having breakfast tangled up on each other…

“What are you thinking?” – He asked, kissing my chest.

“Hum… On how I am the most remarkably lucky man in the world.” – I answered, smiling and getting a peck on the cheek. – “And that it’s almost breakfast time and neither of us slept a bit…”

Steve smiled and rested his head over the pillow, bringing me to do the same over his chest. He started to pat my hair and soon fell asleep. I got the impression of having dozed off for awhile, but my fear of having some freaky nightmare and wake up screaming was stronger, so I just stayed there, feeling Steve’s unconscious fondling and breathing his _parfum_ …                                     

I closed my eyes on my last desperate attempt of sleeping, but a noise woke me up. It took me a little time to recognize the noise as a baby’s cry. I heard someone walking with the baby through the hall and I assumed it was Scarlet’s mother, Pepper. A little lazy, I got up, wondering if she would need some help or company.  I left a kiss on Steve’s cheek, covered him up with the sheets and went out, after dressing the same clothes I’ve used the night before.

 “Did we wake you up?” – I heard Tony Stark’s voice when it was already too late to run away.

“Oh no… I was already up.” – I’ve tried not to sound as uncomfortable as I really was.

He was wearing the robe with the “A” and bringing his daughter along, rocking her in the living room. I quickly noticed baby Scarlet wearing one of our Christmas gifts and it made me feel a little easier.

“We’re gonna have a snack before momma’s big special breakfast.” – Not sure if he was talking to me, though. – “Wanna join us?”

I nodded and he led me to the kitchen. Scarlett had stopped crying and now her previously wet eyes were looking from there to here, full of curiosity.

“Can you hold her for a sec?” – Tony asked, while searching for something in the cupboard. When he realized how his request startled me, Tony’s reaction was a mocking laugh. – “Oh, c’mon. You can handle an exploding ship in the middle of the ocean but is afraid of a baby?”

“I don’t… Wait. What? How do you know about _that_?”

Stark smiled.

“How I know doesn’t really matter now. Just hold her for a minute, she won’t bite you!” – I didn't have time to response, he just put Scarlett in my arms and, for a miracle, she continued quiet. – “See? Easy, easy. Now, do you prefer coffee or chocolate?

“Ah... Chocolate, please.” – I got fully distracted by the baby, trying to get her comfortable against me; she seemed more adorable than on our first meet.

Stark made two cups and a bottle for the kid and we went back to the living room. A little clumsy, I put her on his arms as we sat on the couch. If the first few times we met had been embarrassing, this was no different.

‘So... Did you like the room?” – He started a conversation. Great.

“Yeah... It’s great.” – I managed to answer, uncomfortable as hell while staring at my cup with unnecessary concentration.

“Pepper thought it could be… a little overdone” – Stark continued, rolling his eyes. – “But in the end, it was awesome, wasn’t it? And the Tower opening night was success, wasn’t it? Yes it was!”

I silently agreed and Tony made a silly face to his baby. With her around, maybe he wouldn’t be such a jerk…

“I believe this thing is heavy as devil…”

I found it strange – how could he talk about his own daughter like that? – till I realized he was referring to my arm.

“Not much as it seems. Sometimes, it’s even practical. Once I got used, I stopped bothering.”

“Is it connected to you neural network? Do you control… Everything?”

“I guess so…” – I moved my fingers discreetly to check.

“Very advanced technology for 19… 50?”

“There have been some changes over the years, I think. But I’m not sure…”

“Hum...” – he still seemed to be very curious about my arm, which  made me totally uncomfortable.- “It’s fascinating that it works, actually. It is a complicated metal alloy to manipulate, even more to do ... An arm. I assume it can be a match to Cap’s shield.”

“It is. Did you find this out only by playing with your magnet last night?”

 **“** Ha! I’m very good on what I do.” – He laughed and changed that baby’s position, muttering something only to her. – “But I got the feeling that I’ve seen it before… The project of the arm, I mean.  The moment I saw it on action while you were playing with Thor.”

I looked up at him, confused, and Stark continued.

“You may not know it, but the Stark Industries don’t work with weapons exclusively. We’ve been playing with all kinds of technology over the years; Communication devices way more handy than cell phones, automobiles…”

“I remember that… You father. He wanted cars to fly…”

 “Yeah. And... One of the things we’d worked on for a while was high tech prostheses to, you know, replace body parts. There were some projects and II can’t shake the feeling that what you have here is one of them. It wasn’t supposed to be _like this_ , like a weapon… But it was made for soldiers like yourself.”

 “And the projects... Never worked out?”

 “Oh, not... Biotechnology always brings problems and not even my father was headstrong enough to deal with it. But I don’t believe HYDRA got stuck with the social conventions as we did… I had no idea that someone ever had access to those prototypes…. Much less that HYDRA had some kind of interest on it…”

It took me a while to understand. The thing that was bothering Stark was seeing his father’s work used that sick-freak-vile way, when all he wanted was to help… Maybe, if everything had been different, I would still be using the arm, but it wouldn’t look like it was for sure.

“Has it ever malfunctioned?

 “Hum... Yeah,probably but... I don’t know though. I was never in charge of that, so… I couldn’t know.”

“And do you need any frequent maintenance? ‘Cause… Being a Stark prototype, I assume I’m capable of fixing it.”

 “Ah… Are you… Being nice to me?” – I could not contain my surprise.

“I’m doing the right thing, as any good person would. Cap made all this bad publicity of me?”

 “Since we met, you’ve been literally driving me mad, gave me a stupid nickname and invited me to your Christmas party only to bother me with a magnet during the dinner. I don’t think Steve would be able to make such a bad publicity as you did yourself.” – My harsh words ended up sounding as a joke, and I was glad with myself for that great answer that, unfortunately, no one had listened. – “But, thank you… I suppose.”

Stark chuckled ironically and continued playing with his daughter, who’s happily taking bottle in his arms. My head was a real roller coaster, ‘cause I went from “HYDRA bastards!” to “oh, baby” in half an instant and everything else seemed to disappear.

I remembered Steve’s expression when he asked me if I’d thought about having our own child. I had grown fondly of those plans, but it was something very recent; I couldn’t remember ever wanting to have kids, mostly because of me complicated feelings for my best friend Steve. But our new condition and all the new possibilities aroused this idea and baby Scarlett only magnified it.

 “Hold her a little longer, please… I’ll put this to wash” – Stark rose and placed his daughter into my arms once more. This time, I was a little bit more prepared to receive her; I wrapped her in her tiny blanket and watched her father walking away.

At the moment we were left alone, I tried to get a little more comfortable and completely still. Scarlett opened her big bright eyes and I thought she’d cry; my instinct was rock her gently, whispering (more to myself than to her) that everything would be alright.

 “Good morning” – I heard someone down the hall and saw dr. Banner. I noticed that he wasn’t wearing the same clothes from past night under the _Avenger_ robe.

“Hey, good morning, doctor” – I greeted him, distracted, while the baby girl in my arms yawned and got comfy to fall asleep again.

 “Tony left you there babysitting?” – He asked with a half smile on his sleepy face.

“I woke up with them. He’s on the kitchen.” – I said. I was kinda glad of being made babysitter and Banner probably noticed it too, ‘cause he left a laugh escape.

 “Do you know if there’s coffee already?”

“Yes, over the kitchen. I think it’s still hot.” – I answered. – “But there’ll be a special breakfast later.”

 “Oh, yes… But I just need a good cup of coffee to… Keep me wake… Well, maybe two. Or five.”

Banner’s room was right beside Thor and Jane’s; I’ve pitied him -- because if we, who were relatively far away, had problems with noise, the guy’s night had probably been awful...

I kept swinging her slowly while Banner walked away, laughing with myself of the baby rubbing my chest unconsciously. I could have slept there if my room’s door had not been opened with a bang and Steve had not come out of there.

 “Good morning!” – My eyes ran to find his smile, as they always do. When he saw me standing there with the baby, his expression seemed to ease and he passed hands through his hair.

‘Good morning?” – He laughed, as if I told a joke. – “You disappear from the bedroom by the morning and still says it’s a ‘good morning’?”

 “Eh…” – I was speechless. Just the way I usually am in front of Steve and his morning perfection. – “Sorry, I guess.”

Steve shocked his head, chuckling, impatient and handsome, and left a kiss on my hair. That was when he noticed Scarlett, half awake against my chest, safe on my arms and his eyes let out the “Awn” that his mouth preferred to shut.

 “Did you sleep well?” – He asked, standing in front of me, playing with my hair carefully. – “No nightmares?”

Before I could answer, Stark said, coming back from the kitchen with Banner.

 “Lil’ Scarlett wanted to play with your dog, Cap. You don’t mind borrowing it for her for a while, do you?”

For an instant, it seemed that Steve would reply to that, but remained in silence and giggled just for himself. I wondered if he had thought about having to “borrow me for a while” when we’d had our own child.

 “I knew you wouldn’t mind. Now if you excuse me, Scarlett wanna come with daddy, doesn’t she?”

When Stark tried to take her from my arms, the baby moaned painfully and hid her face on my chest. I was so cute I couldn’t help myself from holding her gently tighter and smile.

Steve laughed too (and I had the impression that even Banner found the situation funny). Scarlett didn’t leave my arms till Pepper’s special breakfast was served – her mother woke up desperate, looking for her baby girl and finding her in my arms made her smile brightly for the rest of the morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sorry for any grammar mistakes
> 
> To everyone who have been reading this, leaving kudos and comment... Thank you very much.

**Author's Note:**

> (I've tried to do that cute thing "here" and "here", but I suck on posting links, sorry :/ )  
> EDIT: I DID IT! I'VE LEARNED! YAY!
> 
> [Tumblr](http://i-am-all-over-the-place.tumblr.com/)
> 
> This is not a song fic, but you can hear the A-ha song that inspired me to write [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djV11Xbc914/)
> 
> HOPE TO SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!


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